A Big Brother!?

Gage wants a little sister.

He informed me of this Monday night before bed.

He also told me before his birthday party that he wanted a brother & a sister, and a baby for our house. That didn't happen.

A few nights after his party he asked, "why you didn't get me a sister for my party?"

This kid really wants to be a big brother!

But alas...it's not meant to be...yet.

Gage, buddy...it'll happen in time, if it is meant to be. God has a plan for us as a family, and we have to trust that plan. Some way---if we are to parent another child, it will happen.

To Share, or not to share? That is the question....

Pregnancy.

A new baby.

It's been discussed around here.
It's been argued about around here.
Then the argument got really ugly, we weren't sure what the original point of the disagreement was about, and we abandoned the issue(s)....until we were able to clarify what we were each fighting for, thinking, etc.

That was a few weeks ago...

I've had a few weeks to process everything since then.
And think about things, and think about WHY I want things to be the way that I want them to be.

How do I want them to be? Private. A surprise.
[so, um....why the hell are you bloggin' about it, right?]

I just think this: when we decide to try to get pregnant again...I don't want all of our family & friends to be all informed the way it was when we were trying to conceive Gage. Not that it was a bad thing---because it wasn't. And, I'm a talker. I'm one who shares, sometimes whether you want me to or not.

But, since then, we've lost a baby during pregnancy.
Since then, Hubby's undergone multiple surgeries & ultimately had to have 2/3 of his prostate removed.
Since then, the entire manner that any future children will be conceived will just be DIFFERENT.

So, I look at the WHY I want things to be different...
....somehow, it just feels different.
It feels like something we need to do together, and get through together, and then maybe tell people after the fact.

With my pregnancy with Masyn, it was such a surprise, and then just so....short.

With Gage, it was well-planned, waited for, and then finally it happened. It was no surprise to others when we got pregnant. "Of course you're pregnant. You've been..." [well, you get it....]

The whole "timing" thing is in our hands.
Or is it?
The whole "it was such a surprise", or "it just happened" is totally gone.
I mean, I didn't happen to show up at Dr.B's office after taking fertility drugs & fall on a pipette of my husband's thawed out sperm that just happened to be shipped from the cryo-bank. Ya know? It doesn't "just happen" that way.

So...there's the whole element of timing.
We've got that figured out.
Somehow agreeing upon when we'll start this whole process...well, it's like lighting the pilot light for me. Since we've agreed upon our start point, it's like I just wish I had this giant remote control for life to just get me there.

Still on the subject of timing: there's the whole looking for just the right time... and then the comments of "it'll never be the right time"....well, okay. But, if the actual timing of it all is somehow in my control, will others judge me, thinking, "gosh, in the midst of all this, they choose NOW to have a baby?"
Not that it's anyone's business....

Still on the subject of timing...I am fooling myself if I really think I get to even control this aspect of everything...I mean, I get to designate the "start" point...or rather, "WE" do. I can't do a damn thing by myself. The random news about that: if Hubby dies, his sperm becomes my "property" & I could have more of his kids even after his death. Isn't that weird?????????? I think it's so weird. But, maybe that's just me, and me not being able to fathom that situation of Hubby not being alive.
Anyway...with what we're going to try to get pregnant (when the time comes, which I can assure you is not now, or I wouldn't be talking about it....), IUI, there's only a 20% chance of conceiving. But, that's still going to be our first step. IUI with drugs (to increase our chances). It's the most minimally invasive that may work for us.

What if it doesn't work?
How many times will we try it before moving onto something else?
WILL we move onto something else?
I don't know.

Hubby's point of view: why not tell people who are important to us about what we will be going through? when we lost our pregnancy, the support of family & friends was helpful? why not share this excitement with them, and lean on them at times when we may need them?
*****I have to admit that WEEKS after our initial conversation, his points were well articulated & sincere, and maybe aren't just, you know...horrible ideas.

Anyway....that's been on the front burner around here.
I'm....both excited & extremely nervous about trying to get pregnant again.
The reality is: it won't be super easy for us to get pregnant. It's going to be expensive. And sometimes babies die. I'm just completely terrified of going through that again.

So....I don't know if we'll be sharing, or not sharing.
We're not starting any time soon, I promise.
I still have some school obligations...you know, if I want to graduate any time soon.... and I'd really like to be done with school before a new baby arrives!
And, probably not a good idea for me to be hopped up on the emotional roller coaster of fertility drugs & TTC during my internship....especially if it's with a local adoption agency (which is what I think I want to do for my internship....)

Anyway....this has just been up for discussion & on our minds & hearts lately....

Today....

Gage is just talking so much now. It's wild & crazy & awesome.

Some of my favorite things to hear him say...

"possomas". That's how he says "possom". It's soooo cute.

"I don't like it the ___fill in the blank with whatever he doesn't like___."

"May I can have some please." We're working hard on asking nicely for things.

"May I can go to your bed just for a wittle while? You can set the timer."

"Please I can have..."

There are really so many more things...but those are just on the top of my head right now. Just some of the things I'm thinking about today.

In other news:
I dropped my mom's Mother's Day gift. She's coming in on Saturday, so I intend to give it to her then...but, I dropped it. I dented it. It's not broken, but it is dented. We'll have to see if she can live with it dented, or if I need to replace it. I kind of suck sometimes.

Yesterday, Gage choked on a hot dog. He was in the living room eating "weanie-bites", and Hubby was in the dining room. I was walking from the dining room into the kitchen when Hubby & I heard Gage make this noise like a dying bird. It was odd & made me turn on my heels & head straight for him, although I didn't immediately think, "he's choking". His face was red & he was gagging & making NO NOISE by the time Hubby I reached him. Hubby did the back patting & finger swoop thing, and I was fully prepared to administer the kiddie-heimlich. But, the weanie-bite came up & he was just a terrified mess. We all were. But, all turned out okay. Scary moment...which can happen at any time. Whoooo. In the end, all is well. You know, you think---he has a full mouth of teeth, he can eat this. well, yes, he CAN eat it, but I probably should cut up the bites into smaller pieces even though he's bigger...

Today: dr's appointment to talk about IUI. After Hubby's surgeries, it seems that we'll need to go this route to get pregnant again. I'm not sure when we'll plan on really starting this adventure, but today we've got my annual & time scheduled to cover the basics & answer all of my questions.
....and speaking of questions....I fully intended to go in with a list & ask a million questions....but as the time approaches, it's like my mind has gone blank. What do I need to know? I can't think of any questions! But, maybe the "what do I need to know" could be the question I ask. Dr.B is awesome if you ask me, and I am sure he will tell me everything I need to know. And, if there is anything we don't cover, they have their website set up where I can email his nurse. They are all so nice there & answer all my questions, so I'm not too worried. I suppose the bigger thing about all of this is for us to decide WHEN. Clearly we've got the WHO & the HOW covered. Sometimes I think, NOW-NOW-NOW, but then at other times, I think this is NOT the right time.

Which leads me to some thoughts I've had recently: we'll never again get that "surprise! you're pregnant!" With Gage, we tried & tried & success! With Masyn, well, that was a total surprise. Of course, that didn't end well...so maybe surprise pregnancies aren't really for me. I dunno. I just think, now, to get pregnant it is going to be expensive, and planned, not spontaneous at all, no "pleasant surprise" babies....I don't know. I'm just kind of feeling like I lost something, you know? BUT--no pity parties about that. Why? Because (1) I have Gage, (2) I've gotten pregnant twice, so I have the ability to get pregnant, (3) we HAVE options to get pregnant, so why dwell on something so minute in the grand scheme of things?

Anywho.... let's move on, shall we?
Mother in law is watching Gage this afternoon while I go to the doctor.

I'm going to pick up the carpet & upholstery cleaner from her & clean our couch, chair, & ottomon b/c I SOLD THEM! Yes, on Saturday, this recently-divorced-single-mother-who-is-moving-into-her-apartment-with-a-baby needed some living room furniture. She is a coworker of one of my mommy-friends. She was asking around about getting a couch & living room furniture for cheap, but was also concerned about buying used b/c she wants it to be clean for her baby to be on.... Anyway, it just so happened that Tera (my mommy friend) and I were out looking at furniture b/c I am so sick of my living room I could just puke....and then Tera asked the gal, and the gal said she was interested, but obviously the price would make a difference... Well, when I was at the furniture store earlier in the day, I probably would have bought new stuff on the spot if it hadn't been for the delivery fee. ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS. I couldn't bring myself to agree to it. I guess I'm going to have to get used to (1) life without a truck & (2) my husband can't be moving furniture while he's still recovering. This will be our first major purchase since we did away with the truck & I got my new car. Anyway.....back to the point. I told Tera to tell the gal that she can have the sofa, chair, ottomon, & 2 end tables for $120, that way the delivery fee will be covered for me. And, she has to pick them up b/c I don't deliver & don't have a truck or muscles to do it myself! She's so excited, and I'm excited to have them outta here.

And now....I need to work on a way to replace this RUG in our living room. It's so busy & I'm so sick of the pattern. Sure, it's fine if I don't have to look at it every day...but living with it? I'm tired of it.
Obstacle: Gage loves it. He pretends the border is his "road" & cars & trucks travel this carpeted road daily. I doubt he'll be on board with a new rug.

Okay...those are my ramblings for the day.
This weekend (Saturday), my mom & David are coming to my house to help me with yard work. I am so excited.
:)

And the final tidbit for the day...
My new favorite phrase for answering the phone: "What up, Dog?"
I'm sure it's driving others nuts.

Stop.

If one more person asks me if I am pregnant.....I am probably going to lose my cool.

And, "Why are you wearing that shirt? Are you trying to hide a pregnant belly?"

What I want to say: "How the FUCK is that any of YOUR business?"

The answer is "No", I am not pregnant.
And No, I don't think it would be the perfect time for me to be pregnant...
But, in light of everything that is going on in my family that affects our future fertility---I don't want to have to say 500 times a week that I am not pregnant.

And, there is more to that really....
In all that has been going on with Hubby & his man bits....I'm a bit scared about getting pregnant again.
After losing Masyn, I'm a bit scared about getting pregnant again.

This issue just crawls all over me on many levels.
First of all, it makes me feel fat. Yes, I've put on about 5 pounds recently. I'm not very tall, so on me---5 pounds must really show if everyone around me asks if I'm pregnant.

I don't know. I'm just pissy about this right now. ...and I have been for a couple of weeks now.

Update....

It's Saturday morning.
He's out of surgery now. Well, in fact, he got out of surgery last night, but I was too busy & then too tired to blog about it.

There were more clots in his bladder.
Dr.S removed those, and found 3-4 small areas where he was bleeding. So, he cauterized those. He came back to his room after recovery & he still has the Murphy Drip going, but they've slowed it waaaaaaaaaaaaay down.

So, after Hubby's surgery when he was in Recovery, I went on home & let the dog out. I made quite a few phone calls.... I placed a to-go order @ Chili's, and went to pick it up.... got gas in a shady place, so I made Melissa stay on the phone with me. Funny thing: she's in Saint Louis. I told her, "stay on the phone with me b/c I have to get gas, but it's shady here." She said, "Well, I don't know where you are if anything happens!" I was at the Valero in Dallas....Gaston & Fitzhugh, after dark. Thos who know Dallas will know....

Anyway....this morning, we're up. I'm about to leave the hospital & go home, let the dog out, feed him, and then drive to Rockwall to get Gage & take him to an Easter egg hunt with my grandparents. I'm exhausted & I want to just stay asleep, but I know it will do both Gage & I some good to get out & spend some time together. Also, Susan & David are planning to take Gage this afternoon/evening to do something fun, like Chuck E Cheese pizza! Woohoo! I already know this though: he is probably going to be weird about going with them, but once they get down the road & get to having fun, I just know everything will be okay with him. The last time they came over, he was shy at first, but then---he opened right up. Also, he had to go to bed while they were still at our house. The next day, the first thing out of his mouth was "where's my susan? where's my megan?" He was asking about David & Stephen too....so, I know that he'll have fun with them!

Okay....that's all for now.

Surgery....

It's about 7:10 pm, Texas time.
He's in surgery right now.

...I'll update as I'm able. UGH.

We're Back In The Hospital....

Long story...basically his bladder is full of blood & blood clots. These are not good things.

So, we're here until they get him to stop bleeding....or at least get the bleeding to slow down. According to the doctor, we may or may not be home for Easter. He's got something called a Murphy Drip going now... If that is able to irrigate the bladder & get the clots out, then great. If it doesn't, then we may be looking at another surgery.

With the Murphy Drip, they are running 6,000cc of fluid into his bladder just wide open. The catheter bag to empty the bladder only holds 4,000cc, so somebody is in here usually every 10-15 minutes to either change the fluid bags or empty the bloody fluid bag.

This is just awful.

The good news: his bloodwork just came back, and we don't need a transfusion.

Hubby & the THNGVBD.

That would be: Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Um....let me start by saying...Sunday, I had a little cough.
Yesterday, I went to work.
Yesterday evening: full on chest rattle yucky stuff.
I call my mom to tell her that I'm sick (and thank her for spreading her nasty-ass germs)...
After that, Gage throws up.
So....Gage & I get quarantined into the bedroom with a stack of books. Hubby, still recovering from surgery cannot afford to get sick. AAAAND---yesterday was his first day back to work in weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks.

Today: he's got blood clots in his urine. CLOTs. Gross.
Back to the doctor.

He's got an infection along his surgical sites, and his bladder is filling w/ blood & clots. Gross. More meds, more rest.

And then I check the mail....what could it be? He gets selected for fucking jury duty. This could SERIOUSLY not come at a worse time.


And, of course, he doesn't even know it yet...but I get to tell him in a little bit...and...he's supposed to serve on the day before his birthday! I suppose it could be worse: he could have been selected to serve ON his birthday...

Life is pretty sucky right now for my Hubby.

Update....

Well....Hubby had his surgery on Monday morning.

Back up to Friday night.
Some girlfriends & their hubbies came over for a Surgery Kick-Off Party!
Susan, Megan, & I all had the same idea: a Penis Cake!
So, Susan made it.
(in fact, she's got the flesh-toned icing recipe down...she's made quite a few of these...)

Pics from Friday night...

The cake


Susan, Hubby, & Megan


Eating Cake


Saturday was a lazy day at home...and then...we took Gage to Toys R Us. It was his first trip to Toys R Us ever. I just KNEW it was going to be awful & full of fits. Not so much. Gage was greeeaaat! You know who wasnt? Hubby. Seriously, if I had not been there to say, "No." & "Put that back"....he would have needed to TWO CARTS! He was very interested in getting Gage a Lego Police Station. There was an interrogation room, and a break room, and a whole arsenal of weapons....As soon as I read "600 PIECES!" I knew it was NOT for us! I have no intention of picking up 600 legos off the floor! And besides, it was for kids ages 6 and up. To which Hubby responds, "Well, 6 is not that far off! And besides, by the time he turns six, they won't even make this anymore!"

Anyway...what we got: a slide (GrandDaddy's Christmas gift to Gage. They were sold out during Christmas time...and then there were a million & one reasons why I hadn't gotten it sooner...but that's okay...right?), a light-up moon for Gage's room (it really is very cool!), some Army playset thing that I agreed to--against my better judgement (and I've been picking up little army dudes ever since....), the Elefun game (Gage played this at a birthday party recently, and he LOVED it. So, we got our own....money well spent!), and the biggest hit: his very own TRASH TRUCK. Or, that's what he calls it. The printing on the side of the truck indicates that it is a recycling truck...but, for him, it's all the same. He LOVES it!
So, that was Saturday evening...good times!


Sunday night, My mom came into town. She brought Allen & Mario with her. (Allen's 11, and Mario is...13...or 14? I forget.) Anyway, they are out for Spring Break, and Mom came in to help with our family during surgery time. And, we were due to check in for surgery at 5AM on Monday morning. 5AM. That's just...well, it's too damn early.

Sunday night, we had a big dinner, and the boys all played in the living room. Gage thought it would be a good idea to go down the slide face-first. Needless to say, it was NOT a good idea, and he got a weird blood-blister-bruise thing on his cheek. He did not learn his lesson, and has since gone down the slide at least 200x face-first. He has learned to lift his head up while doing so---evidence that he has the capacity to problem solve.

Monday morning came waaaaaaaaaay too early. Up at 4:15 to check in by 5. Since Hubby won't be able to drive for a while, he drove us there. Well...we've been to this hospital a million times before. I worked there for 5 years. At 5am, it's difficult to navigate your way anywhere. So, we somehow missed our turn....had to back-track, and checked in 9 minutes late. No biggie, right? Well....at about 5:30, they let us know that we'd checked into the wrong area. So, we had to go to another building & check in at the RIGHT spot. FINALLy it was our time. Surgery was scheduled for 7am....I forget what time he got in & got out, and all that jazz. But, my mother-in-law & step-father-in-law were there with me. My mom was at my house with Baby Gage. We passed the time by getting breakfast...eating...chatting....and before we knew it, the doctor was out & updating us. What they did: reshaped Hubby's bladder & bladder neck. His prostate was not the right shape, likely since birth, which in turn caused bladder problems. So, when they started cutting on the bladder neck, the prostate fell in on itself, and parts of 2 lobes had to be removed as well. We were fully prepared for this as well. The doc sent the tissue off for pathology, but he's already told us that he does not believe that Hubby has prostate cancer. He thinks that his abnormally shaped prostate has most likely been that way since birth. And now, he has a catheter going into his bladder (something NOT new to us in this journey). Yesterday, the doc said that if he had problems with the anesthesia or the pain, then we would spend the night in the hospital. But, if he was doing well, then we could come home. He's had problems with serious vomiting & being combative from the anesthesia in the past. This time, we talked with the doc ahead of time. He said that he gave Hubby 4 different meds to help with nausea. When Hubby went into recovery---nothing. He was doing sooooo well. He didn't throw up at all! It was great. And, he felt pretty good---considering... So, we came home. He went straight to bed. He did pretty well yesterday!!!

So, all went well.
Thanks for all of the prayers & well wishes! We are sooooo ready to put all of this behind us.

Update....

Next surgery: 3/10.

I have to take FMLA at work.
I was a little pissed about it.
My dad, of course, tells me to look at the bright side....it wasn't long ago that FMLA was not an option....yada, yada, yada.

Here's why I didn't necessarily want to do it: I have plenty of PTO (paid time off) to cover my absences. So far, I've missed 6 days of work related to this issue. I will need to miss 3 more the week of the surgery. I have PTO to cover it. And, you only get 12 weeks of FMLA. For me, I only work 24 hours per week, so every 24 hours of work that I miss equals one week of FMLA. So, I'm down to 9 weeks left. The FMLA re-generates every 52 weeks, not at the end of the calendar year. So, if I get pregnant & deliver within the next year, I will only get 9 weeks for maternity leave. With my last pregnancy, because of bedrest & my c-section, I was off for more than 12 weeks, and I went back to work when Gage was 8 weeks.

I dunno. I need to just make peace with this.
The likelihood of me getting pregnant & delivering within the next 52 weeks gets slimmer by the day....so, I am probably just fretting over this for no good reason.

Anywho....Happy Sunday morning.
:)

There's No Place Like Home...

We're home now.
We got released last night.
We were able to keep our appointments today, so that was good!

Last night, got home....got Gage to bed....my mom's staying with us for a few days. Gage woke up from a noise, or bad dream...something. So, I took him to bed with me. He kicked all night long, and woke up at the butt-crack of dawn, but that's perfectly OKAY.
:)

Hubby's head was hurting, so he drank some coffee...and then stayed up late late late watching American Gangster with my mom.

Got up early....Kept our appointments today. We've been cleared by the neurologist for surgery. But now, in light of the GI bleed, we have to be cleared by the GI doc before we can move forward on surgery. So....that's where we are. And, we're looking tentatively at surgery next week.
Still, just waiting on the all-clear from the GI docs, and the blood levels to increase.

...and being home is so great.
We were busy most of the day, but when we have been home, life has been good. I made seafood stew for dinner. It was yummy to the tummy. And, I am picking Eddie up from the kennel tomorrow. That will be great too. We'll all be back to normal!

One thing after another...after another....

Well....so, the verdict is: Hubby has torn his esophagus.

Of course, everyone (including us) wants to know what caused this? We may never know, but it could be two different things: (1) about 12 weeks ago when Hubby was w/ this one doctor, he was told to take X amount of Advil per day for 2 weeks to manage the pain associated w/ his diagnosis at that time.....well, come to find out: in SOME people, large amounts of NSAIDS over that period of time can cause GI bleeding & ulcers. (2) Hubby was put on a drug recently by Doctor #2. One of the side effects: vomiting. So, Hubby took the drug for 3 days & just had to deal with vomiting. If the drug had worked---the vomiting would have been worth it! But, after 3 days, there was no improvement with the drug, plus he had the vomiting, so the doc took him off that drug.
And, so---here we are.
According to the GI doctor, this tear is most likely caused by vomiting, but both scenarios above may have contributed to this happening.

UGH.

So, when they scoped him yesterday, they were able to see that they'd stopped the bleeding. They're giving him meds to help it heal, and it's supposed to be fully healed in about 10 days w/ the help of this medicine.



Apparently---tearing your esophagus HURTS A LOT. So, he's been on morphine for the pain. BUT: his blood pressure has been low from the blood loss. Then, he was getting morphine every 4 hours. That wasn't really lasting 4 hours, so they increased it to every 2 hours. Last night, his blood pressure was just too low, and they had to hold off on any pain meds until they were able to get his blood pressure back up. So, FINALLY early this morning his blood pressure was 103 over something, and they gave him some more pain medicine.

We have been looking at a possible blood transfusion because his Hematocrit level was 3 points away from needing one (so we were told). Since we've gotten here it's just been getting lower & lower....but, we're waiting on his morning labs to come back.

The GI doc says that he is waiting on Hubby's labs to stabilize, and that we can go home when the numbers (1) stop falling & stay the same for at least lab draws in a row, or (2) turn around & start increasing.

So for now, that's where we are.

Gage's heart is broken. Just completely broken.

When all of the blood vomit started at home, Gage was just right there behind Hubby when he started puking everywhere. So, he saw all that & got COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT! Then, we had to rush off to the hospital, and he was left in the arms of my mother in law. Certainly he loves her & is with her quite a bit----but everything was moving so quickly & everything was so out of the norm, that he felt that, you know?
He came up to the hospital yesterday for a visit. He just wanted to stay in my lap. It was wonderful & heart breaking at the same time.
So, when it was time to leave, he kissed me several times, and left the room without crying. My mother in law said that he cried for me the WHOLE WAY back to their house. She said that he would pause while crying & say, "I sorry I crying. I just MISS HER."

Ughhhh....so, you know when she told me that over the phone, I was crying too!
Bless his heart.
I called this morning to check on him, and wanted to talk to him on the phone. That was NOT a good idea, and it started all of the crying over again. I could hear him crying that he wanted me, and he wanted to go to "Mommy's house." [it's so weired that he doesn't just call it home...it's always been "mommy's house". ]
Anyway....I'm just missin' him, and he's missing me.

Everything is better when Gage & I are together...

"Better Together"...

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

MMM it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together....

I just miss my buddy. I can't wait for this grand adventure to be over & to get back home to playing soccer in the backyard, and playing TWUCKS on the living room floor...and him saying, "I wanna take a baff"....I'm just ready to get back to normal, and to hear him say, "Snuggle me!" in that sweet little grumpy way that he does....

Anyway....this whole "tear in the esophagus" may be a real set back for us...
Hubby is needing prostate & bladder surgery. We have been in the final stages of preparing for that. Tomorrow at 9am we are supposed to be meeting with the Neurosurgeon to get the "all-clear" for surgery. Tomorrow at 10:30 we are supposed to start everything with the fertility clinic since they intend to cut out part of Hubby's prostate. And finally, we were supposed to meet with the Urologist to finalize a date/time & details for the surgery.

Now....all this.
Will we be able to keep tomorrow's appointments? They are located here at this hospital, but will we be able to go? I don't know.
Will this be a set-back in doing the other surgery? I don't know.

It's odd to think that this episode is completely unrelated to the urology stuff...and maybe they're linked because of the meds he's been on for the urology stuff.... But seriously----this is just one thing after another, after another, after another. UGH.

But I appreciate all the prayers & well wishes from you guys.
We're hanging in here!

Update...

The MRIs came back negative.
We follow up with the neurosurgeon on Monday.
We have our first appointment with the fertility clinic on Monday.
We will set the date for surgery with Hubby's specialist next week.

Thank goodness the MRIs are negative! Wheeeeew.

From Last Week....

Well, last week, we needed a break!
My friend & I took our little ones to Chuck E. Cheese for a few hours on 2/13 while hubby napped @ home.









It was a good day....


AAAAANNNNDDDD, on 2/7/8, the day before Damon's surgery, his best friend came in for a visit. He & his wife live in Atlanta. His name is Mark & we miss him soooooo much! We hope they move back to Texas soon....they're talking about it, so that's great!

Gage was soooooooooooo glad to see Mark. Mark got down on the floor & played rough-&-tumble with Gage. I've been trying my best, but I just end up bruised from the rough boy play.... And, with Damon being down-&-out, Gage was REALLY missing the guy-time!





What else???
Damon's been pretty pitiful lately.
I've got lots of pics of Gage & Daddy snuggling over the past few weeks....





More on the medical update later....
I lack the energy right now!

Not great....

Took Hubby back to the hospital for "the next test" today.
Not good. They couldn't do it b/c they couldn't even get the necessary equipment where it needs to go to tell us what we need to know.

We're waiting on the doc to call us back.
His office is closed on Thursdays b/c he does surgeries at Parkland on Thursdays.
We're supposed to meet with him SOMETIME tomorrow in his office to discuss our game plan.

After the no-go test today, we went to the fertility clinic to meet with a doctor there. Everyone there was so nice. We certainly learned a lot.

Gage is at the mother-in-law's now & is going to spend the night. No big Valentine's celebration planned---Hubby's spirits are waaaaaaaaaaay down, and we are both just SO BEAT DOWN by all of this.

Tonight's Update...

Well...we're home.
We expected to get home around 1pm, but, no such luck. We got home this evening around 5 or 6.

Backup...Rewind....

Took Gage to Memaw's house around 6 this morning.
Ran by Starbucks & got a latte.
Came back to the house, and let the dog out, got Damon, rounded things up for the trip to the hospital.
Got there @ 7:15 as instructed. Ran into the doctor in the hallway; a little chit-chat, and then we had to check in.
Got checked in...labs drawn, EKG, x-rays.
Got into a room.
Waited..... And Damon's step-dad came up to be with us.
Damon fell asleep.
Then, they came & got him for surgery....we went to pre-surgical holding. Got his IV....met with the doctor....met with the anesthesiologist & surgery nurse.
They gave him the meds....and he drifted off as they wheeled him away.

Fast forward.....
Surgery's over....and he's in Recovery.
....an hour later....he's still in Recovery.
At this point, I've met with the physician, I've called some family members, I've even made a trip over to the dr's office to pick up a Rx (it wasn't ready yet, but whatever...)
So, I call to check on his status. I get a return call from his nurse in Recovery.
He's had a difficult time coming out of the anesthesia, and they were having a difficult time with pain control.
Also, the dr ordered additional CTs, so they had to take him down for the CT before bringing him back to his room.
FINALLY, around 3 he is back in the room, with a mega-headache. Here comes the pain medicine...and then comes the vomiting. Not fun.
When things settled down, he & I both fell asleep for a bit.
When he was finally able to hold down some solid food, we got to come home!

So, Damon's on Demerol.
I've explained to him a few times about what was found, what was not found, & what our next steps will be.
He's not exactly comfortable with me detailing things here on the internet, so I'm being pretty vague.
All in all: some good news, followed by some frustration.
We are still not 100% sure of the actual problem.
According to the doctor...He knew that we were dealing with "apples & oranges", but when he got in there, he found a "whole fruit salad!", representing a bunch of different problems, but none that single handedly explain the symptoms/main problem.
So, we have some answers, but not THE answer. We're at least one step closer to THE answer.

Doc should have the CT results by Monday.
We put our request in this morning for an outpatient procedure that will be the next step in finding some answers. We should hear back on Monday to see when the new test will be...and the doc said that they may be able to do it on Monday. Plus, we've been instructed to f/u with him on Monday...

Now...for a surgical funny:
Scene: Around 6am this morning...here at our house.
Hubby: What are you doing?
Me: Putting on make-up.
Hubby: Why?
Me: In case you don't make it; I want to look cute when I'm shopping for your replacement!
[okay, in MY DEFENSE, he is aware of my warp/sick/twisted sense of humor, and he was not the least bit offended.]
Hubby: Of course you are.

Thanks you guys for all of the well wishes.
We're very tired of this limbo/not knowing...but, we're certain that we're getting closer.

...and my goal for the weekend: keep him doped up on Demerol so that he can't feel a thing...and hopefully by Monday he'll be feeling somewhat better! We're basically going to get through this weekend, and our life is pretty much scheduled up until Monday. We won't really know anything new or different until Monday.

Update for Today....

Had another dr's appt. today for hubby.
Not good.
No new answers.
Exploratory/diagnostic surgery scheduled for Friday.
I just pray that we know more after that!!!


In the meantime---my child is an entertaining MESS!