Catch Up!

Long-time-no-post, no?
Yes, well, I've been busy.

Let's see.... I've had 7 days off of work.
In that time---I spent Tuesday doing internship stuff...Wednesday home with Gage & didn't get out of my pajamas until around 4 in the afternoon! Thursday---Thanksgiving with Dad,held my tongue beyond measure, and then over to Tera's that evening...Black Friday---hello, 10 consecutive hours of shopping! and then Saturday we went down to my Mom's & spent the night.Got a haircut, Cut my finger in her dishwater, and knocked my wedding ring down the drain. Came back yesterday.Today I'm at work.

There are the events in a nutshell!

Not really my style to recall events that way...you know, without all the glittery details....

So, when I have time, I promise to update.
For now----I have a final tonight, and very little time for blogging!

Hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving.
:)

What Does God Look Like?

see video below....

God is either testing me...or he has a sick sense of humor.

This is how I spent my morning:


God is either testing me, or he has a sick & twisted sense of humor.

Roof woes.
Car accident.
Rental car #1: gets a flat tire.
Rental car #2: smells AWFUL.
Candle fire at home.
AND THEN----I didn't post about this one yet: the furnace went out. Yes, I spent a bit of time yesterday at the Heating & Air Conditioning Supply House, buying parts.
Sleeping for one night without heat---no big deal. WAKING UP ONE MORNING WITHOUT HEAT SUCKS BIG TIME. Got the furnace fixed yesterday.
Today---driving down the freeway...."what's that clickin' noise?"...oh, I think we're having a flat tire. I make my way to the right lane, and I guess those around me could see the tire while I could not. I'm on a bridge. I'm on a bridge that feels longer than the bridges over the bayou. I thought we were NEVER going to make it off the bridge, and I was NOT about to stop on the inadequately sized shoulder of the freeway that the bridge offers. No thank you. Not with Gage in the car with me. So, I rode on that flat sucker until we made it off the bridge & pulled safely into a parking lot just off the service road. Seriously---I didn't care if there were sparks flying & metal scraping the pavement---I wasn't stopping on the bridge.

So, clearly the forces of nature have aligned against me, & that's why I can't get to work on time.

My mother in law came & got Gage from me. None of us were strong enough to loosen the lug nuts---so it was Roadside Assistance for me. The guy was there in about 30 minutes, got me changed & on my way. Oh, did I mention that the he looked JUST like the guy from Silence of the Lambs? "Place the lotion in the basket....or else it gets the hose again!" I kept my cell phone in hand...just in case.

So, I got on my way, and headed to the nearest Discount Tire. They didn't open until 8am. Ever beeeeeen at a Discount Tire when it opens at 8? Tell me why the line to get in was 5 men deep? Seriously. Of course my first thought (which I verbalized on the phone with my mother), "What? Are they having a sale?" No, the guys in the line were not the employees. They were already moving about in the bay.

So....anyway, I was only 2 hours late for work today.
And I'm $320 poorer.
Not to mention the furnace $$ dropped yesterday.

Orange cones!
Calling all orange cones!
Erect yourselves around me, to serve as a visual warning for others: Lainey-Paney has crap luck!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: don't anyone ask me to watch your shit, hold your shit, or babysit your shit. It will be burned, lost, damaged, or flat when or if you get it back.

Me? A Fireman? {fire-person} Not hardly!

So, last night, I almost burned the house down.

Early in the evening, I lit my sweet-smelling candle, and it was on the fireplace mantle.

Time for bed...
So, I went into the living room to blow out the candle & turn out the lights...
Rounded the corner, and saw that the WHOLE candle & jar were on fire.
"Um....Hubby----I need you!"
Hubby: "What is it?"
{I didn't want to freak my son out...}
"I just NEED you."
He entered the room, saw what I saw.
"I need some water! Get me some water!"
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Candle = wax & scented oil.
Hot burning oil & water do not mix.
In the moment, I was not thinking that this is the equivalent of a grease or oil fire. I saw flames & thought of water. So what did I do?
I poured water on it. What happened next???? The flames reached the ceiling, the wall was turning was black, and the glass jar exploded. And then, it was over. My 4 foot by 6 inch fire was over.

So y'all----take my advice. Don't pour water on a hot burning candle jar!!!!

Gage of course had rounded the corner by that point & saw the whole thing, and FREAKED OUT. He was crying calling last night "the worst day of [his] life!"
Oh.the.drama.

G+M=TL4E?

Gage + M = True Love 4 Ever?

Well, Gage has his first girlfriend.

Her name is "M."
{okay, not really, but that's what we will call her here...}

Around our house, we've heard of M, and her role as his girlfriend...
...but, one day last week when I took Gage to school, the teacher said, "Gage and M are quite the item, and everyone in class knows it."
From what I gather, she wears the pants in the relationship.
Bless her little heart---she's a bit bossy. But, apparently, Gage falls right into line with her requests. According to Hubby, "Oh, look. Gage likes a girl just like his mother."
Who? Me? Bossy? Never. {"Now, put your socks in the dirty clothes hamper and take out the trash!"}

So, how has M affected the Casa de Lainey-Paney?
Well---mornings before school now require a hair style.
A hair style. Whether it's spiky or in a faux-hawk---he requires a morning gel.
Apparently M likes the spikes. I spoke with her mother on the morning of the book fair, and she said that M has mentioned his spiky hair & she likes it.


What does Gage say about M's hair? "It's yellow like the sunshine." Hello! Melt any 4 year old's little heart!!! He's a pre-k Shakespeare, I tell you.
Mommy: "What color are her eyes?"
Gage: "She has eyes."
Mommy: "Well, I know, but what color are they?"
Gage: "I don't know, but she has eyes. She has two eyes."
...good to know.

What other change has M brought to the Casa de Lainey-Paney?
The request {and by that, I mean demand} for new clothes.
Yes, that's right. He's 4 and he is already thinking about his wardrobe & its affect on the ladies.

Scene: Front Porch. Last Wednesday morning before school. He wanted to wear his cowboy boots. They are bright-freakin'-orange. So, I dressed him in his orange "buckaroo" shirt. It was fine for 20 minutes.

So, I decide to snap a few pics of Gage. My arms are loaded down with his school backpack, my purse, his lunch box, my cup of coffee...the front door is locked, and he SUDDENLY has this revelation that THIS orange shirt is NOT what M wants to see, and he must change immediately.

The answer was no.
We didn't change the shirt.
But he did throw a boot-kickin' fit that included him shouting, "I NEED NEW CLOTHES!"
Are you kidding me?

I have a feeling that the teen years are going to be long. Very.Very.Long.

What movie is NOT so great for little ones...

Way to go, Hubby.
Yes, he knows---he picked it. Poor choice for a 4 year old.

Let's see....within the first 30 seconds, they zone in on the typed out word "dead." After that, you're staring at a dead man in a coffin.... Yes, we got past that.

We got to the 1st ghost.
When dead-ghost-Marley's jaw broke & his cheeks split open with half of his face flapping about---well, it was time for this crew to go.
It reminded me of this scene from "The Ring":


"Hey, Gage...this movie is almost over. You wanna go play at the mall?"

Hubby has picked 2 movies this month.
We left both of them early.
His movie picking priveleges have been revoked.

So, just a word to the wise---TRUST the PG rating. Gage has been ok with some PG movies in the past...but this one? Not so much.

Now, having said that---Hubby & I would still like to see it. The hard work put into this movie---oh my goodness. It's just so intricate & neat on the screen.

But---does anyone wonder (because I do)---would Charles Dickens be offended that his work has been made into a cartoon? I know that this is not the first cartoon version of this story, but it just made me wonder if he would like it or be offended...

Ok, that's all I've got for now!

Just Say "NO!".......to Sushi.

So....I know that we just went to Kyoto Japan for Hibachi....but, we went again on Friday night. This time, Nathan, Tera, & Aubri came too!

We weren't sure how the kids would do...but they seemed to enjoy it.
Gage had already eaten dinner since we didn't get there until 7:30 or so, but they had the hibachi show to keep them entertained, and they munched on things every now & then. I will say this though: next time I go---I'll order Gage some scrambled eggs & that is about it. He spent forever picking the scrambled egg out of his fried rice, and that was about all that he wanted to eat...

He was impressive with his chopsticks, and did NOT like sushi. (I gave him some of my asparagus roll...I liked it more than the vegetable roll, and I learned that I did NOT like the spider roll.)

That's Gage's new motto: Just Say "NO" to Sushi.

"The fork? Or the chopsticks? Fork? Or chopsticks?"


Gage chose the chopsticks. Handed me the fork...at just.the.right.moment. He looks like he's in jail.


They had these little chopstick-cheater things. It made the chopsticks super-easy to use. Even still, I was impressed with Gage's ability to pick out scrambled egg from his fried rice...{pardon the picture quality/color...}



Once the hibachi show was over, the natives grew restless....and had fun playing on 2 vacant chairs next to our table....




It was a good time!
The food was yummy...but this time, with the sushi & the main dishes & the soup & salad...it was way too much food. We were wasteful in the end. We won't order NEARLY that much next time!

:)

Snocked Up.

Gage came into the bathroom this morning, holding kleenex and said,
"Mommy, will you rocket my nose because I'm all snocked up."
That's Gage-speak for: Mommy, will you help me blow my nose because it is stopped up.

Yes. SNOCKED UP. How cute is that?
And yes, we "rocket" his nose, where I count down 3-2-1-Blast-Off! and he blows as hard as he can.

Oh, the things we come up with as mothers!
...and Oh, the things kids come up with as well!

Snocked up.
I love it.

Veteran's Day....

So, Wednesday was Veteran's Day.

Gage went to school, per usual for a Wednesday.
He actually woke up Wednesday morning complaining of a sore throat. Nothing that chocolate ice cream for breakfast couldn't cure.

We ended up having a loooong, but eventful day!

When I picked him up from school, we stayed for a bit & he got to play on the playground. After that, one of the other moms mentioned a parade not to far off.
So, we went to this Veteran's Day ceremony in downtown Rowlett. The school drill team was there...several vets were there...Gage was pretty cute throughout the event.


But---when they asked for veterans to stand---Gage must not have understood the word "veteran," or maybe he was only half listening because he stood right up with a few soldiers and the older veterans. He just stood up and waved his flag. It was cute.

All was going well until Sam Johnson began speaking about his personal history and account of events as a P.O.W. It's not that I think Gage shouldn't know about those things...it's just that....well, the information being shared was all a bit much for a 4 year old. I want to preserve his innocence a little bit longer, you know? I don't want to explain P.O.W.s, and what happened to the poor soldier who got trapped in some kind of bomber-plane who had a problem with his ejection mechanism after his plane was shot down. I don't want to answer questions about why soldiers shoot other soldiers when Gage still struggles with questions like "why are ants so mean?" I just don't want to go into these world problems and explain war now. Not now.
So...when he started his speech, we headed over to this burger joint for a cold drink & some fries.



We walked around & browsed through a few shops, and again, waited on the parade.
Come to find out---that mom was wrong. There was no parade.
But, we had a good time anyway....

So, after that---we went to the park to play for a little bit before it got too dark....




It was a good time...
Unfortunately, when we got home---Gage suddenly didn't feel so good.
Took his temp: 101.6.
Awwwww, man!

Dosed him with Motrin, and he was asleep by 6:30, curled up on our bed while I was folding laundry on the other side of the bed.
Poor Buddy....

Death by Nickel & Dime.

I can see the headlines now...

Dallas Woman Found Dead in School Parking Lot!
A Dallas woman was found under a pile of requests for $$. Apparently the woman was inundated with requests for $$ for various things from her son's school, and the woman crumpled under the weight of the requests...

Yes, that will be me.
Death by Nickel & Dime.

I blame the Book Fair.
I blame Schlastic.
I blame the fundraisers!

...which brings me to another series of thoughts: The Fundraiser. You want me to peddle this CRAP to people I actually know and love? There isn't even anything in there that I would buy! I can't ask people who KNOW me to buy this crap. $8 for a roll of wrapping paper? Really? If I pay $8 for a roll of wrapping paper--NEWSFLASH: that WILL be the gift. {"Oh, thanks...you got me a couple rolls of wrapping paper for my birthday...that's...different..."}
And THEN----say I actually sell this junk to people...I have to then pick it all up & distribute it???
I've got a better idea: why don't you just TELL me how much extra $$ you want, and for what purpose. I'll whip out my checkbook, and we can just cut the crap, and cut out the middle man. Mmmmkay?
ORRRRR----raise tuition by 5 bucks, and don't bother me with your peddle-this-crap fundraisers. Sound good?

Next year: I'm going to hand Gage's teacher a $20 bill on day one of school, and say, "Here's $20. You can buy supplies. You can donate it to the school. You can put it in your pocket & spend it at the liquor store. I don't care. But---it comes with ONE REQUEST: come fundraiser time---you skip Gage's folder when you're sending those little brochures home. Capiche?" That's right---I'll PAY the next teacher to not send that crap to my house.

...the book fair....
When I was little: the book fair came but once a year. If you missed it---you missed it.
Now, they send home these little magazines to order from Scholastic. I poured over that thing. If I engaged Gage in the whole ordering process, he would have wanted one of everything. So, I did it... Then, the same day that the books came in---they send home another magazine full of completely different books! And, a newsletter & magazine with yet ANOTHER set of books that will be available for purchase at the book fair.

I got news: you're killin' me!

But----alas, we did the book fair thing this morning. Gage had six 1-dollar-bills. He carefully selected his book, priced at $4.99, and had enough money to cover it. It was a tough selecting process, but I was very proud of him. And of course, after checking him into his classroom this morning---I returned to the book fair & bought all of the books that he wanted to buy but didn't have enough $$ for... I am happy to report that those are already wrapped in holiday wrapping & ready to go under the tree! {yes, I'm ahead of the game, FINALLY!....Hubby's even got 2-3 gifts with his name on them...I've got 'em wrapped & ready to go!}

I really need to get some house work done today, so for now I must sign off.
Happy Veteran's Day!
P.S. Gage wants an I-Phone for Christmas.
{yeah, buddy, me too.}

Saturday...11/7/9

Well, I had an early Saturday home visit....after that, Gage & I went to the movies!

Thanks to Zephra, who told me about Hollywood theater being a dollar movie place now...I decided to take Gage for a cheap-o afternoon movie.


My goodness...I remember being a child when this movie theater was brand new. The coolest things were the pizza place inside & the talking trash can. It's crazy what we remember, isn't it?
Well....they don't have stadium seating. It was built during the pre-stadium seating days.
But, it's the way to go when you aren't exactly sure that you're child will sit through an entire movie. This way we were only out $2 instead of $20!

But---he sat through the previews & the entire movie. What a hit!!!
We saw: Aliens in the Attic
It was cute. Funny. But, I will have to say that I've entered this new part of parenting that will include me sitting through a bunch of kid movies that I don't really want to see. Would I have chosen to see that? No. Was I ready for it to end when we still had about 30 minutes left? Yes. But, alas, it is part of my parenting duty, and he had a good time. That's what matters, right?

Friday Night Fun...

Saturday, 11/7 is our 6 year anniversary.
So, the celebrating started on Friday when I got flowers at work.


After I ***RUSHED*** home to get changed, we headed to dinner at this place: Kyoto Steakhouse for Hibachi! Mmmmmm!

Review: the drinks are strong, or mine was anyway....like alarmingly strong. The food was good. The lobster---okay, but not worth their price. The shrimp was delicious, and the hibachi steak was PERFECT!

What was next?
A trip to the movie theater...
Why, a movie review? From me?
Okay! Surely I can give you what you wants!

The movie: Paranormal something-or-other.
My take: I'd have had more fun setting fire to $30 in cash & watching it burn. Not to mention the fact that I wouldn't have had a headache behind my eyeballs & feel queasy after watching the money burn.
Yeah----I saw about 10...maybe 15 minutes of this movie---shot in that bullsh*t-home-video-unsteady kind of way before I was about ready to vomit right there in the theater.
But hey---way back when---the Blair Witch Project got rave reviews, so if you liked THAT {piece of crap} movie, then maybe you'll be able to tolerate this style of film.
Now----I might also add that the movie content may have been stellar. I have no idea. The unsteady camera let me know that the program was NOT for me.

After that----picked up Gage & headed home.
I was so tired.
Hubby rented some movie about hijacking a subway train. Stars John Travolta & Denzel Washington. The first 15-20 minutes of it were great. But, resistance against sleep at that point was futile. I was wiped out from my day. Hubby finished the movie & said it was good.

:)
That was our Fun Friday!

Whitney Houston: "Kiss My A$$!"

World, I have a {gasp!} shocking announcement to make: I DON'T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.

And, to be perfectly honest, I don't know if the world could stand it if I *DID* have it all together!


Recently---people have been complimenting me on my balance of school work, mommy-hood, internship, real work....etc. They think I've got it all together.

Another friend was talking with me on the phone & saying that she didn't think she measured up in the arena of parenting & called me "the perfect mom" and "the fun mom."

News flash: I'm not the perfect student, or the perfect wife, or the perfect mom, or the perfect friend, or the perfect employee. I'm not the perfect anything, I assure you.

I let my kid eat marshmallows for breakfast sometimes.

I could not find my wallet the other day. It was right where I left it: in the fridge with the bag of booze I bought at the liquor store the night before.

I found myself in the midst of a caffeine-deprived-major-parenting-fail the other morning when I had NO individually bottled/packaged for Gage's lunchbox, other than one can of Dr.Pepper & a wine cooler. I had to STOP myself when I travelled down the mental road of: "well, this is loaded with sugar. But this one has fruit...well, fruit flavoring at least...WTF AM I THINKING? THIS IS A WINE COOLER!" Yes, Parenting FAIL.
{Parenting Tip #762: PreSchools frown upon you sending glass bottled alcoholic beverages in your kid's lunch.}

Without my calendar, I would NOT do my homework, or my papers.
I recently forgot a PAPER that was due until I received a text message from a classmate the night before. At that point, I got side-tracked by the fact that I couldn't find my wallet, so I put the paper off until the next day...

I was late to work 17 times out of a period of 24 shifts.

My kiddo is 4 years old, and I enable his baby-like behavior. I still warm his milk...and then I put Nesquick in it---just like he likes it!

I don't insist that he wear socks with his shoes every single day.

I don't insist that he take a bath every single night.

I let him play barefoot in the backyard.

I suck at washing his hair, and he lets me know that I don't do it nearly as well as Daddy does it.

I skip pages when I read books to him sometimes when I'm eager to go to bed myself.

I haven't taken him to the library....in like 2 months.

I hardly see my friends any more...

I don't have all my sh*t together: I have a calendar...and coffee....
I've made peace with fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants mentality.

I am soooooooooo looking forward to a time when I don't have to juggle school in the mix with all of these other things. I look forward to a time when I can spend more time on walks, and crafts, and have the energy to create fun projects for us to all do together. I can't wait until I have more time to work on decorating our home for the various holidays....when I can sew more than the random hem on pants...

But--------in my defense: I'm not completely worthless.
My family loves me.
I've got good grades.
I get good feedback at my internship.
I haven't gotten fired at work.
My house may look like a bomb went off & I haven't been totally caught up on the laundry in...weeks....but we always have clean clothes to wear.
As far as I know, I don't smell, and my son doesn't smell...so that's something, right?

So..........I'm not the world's best Mommy. I don't have all my shit together. For those who would judge me for it, I'll let Whitney Houston sum up my response: "Kiss My A$$!"



{okay...did I really let crazy-crack-head-Whitney sum something up for me? just another example of how warped I am, right!?}

Overdue: Trip to visit Darnin'!

Gage & I took a little road trip to visit Darnin' the weekend before Halloween.

Clearly the sun was in Gage's eyes, so he had to borrow my shades...


And with that, we were on the road!
Ahhhhh the joys of a backseat-radio-commando, and the 8 million Are-We-There-Yets, not to be surpassed by the How-Much-Longers????
Good times.

Glad to report: we arrived safely.
And in fact, we were in time for dining out!
We went to:





And when we got home, Darnin showed us "the broom trick."

Just in time for Halloween...and of course Gage asked Darnin', "Are you gonna fly on that thing?"

Allen broke his arm. Well, not that night...he broke it before, so he's got a cast on. And---we got to sign it! How cool!? {well, we had fun with it!}


And he helped Gage build a huuuuuuuge pile of pillows for a soft landing spot...

It didn't take long on Sunday morning for Gage to REQUIRE his SpiderMan costume.


Gage got a special Halloween goodie bag with some Halloween books, and some Halloween Peeps {gag a maggot!}.


And then it was Halloween craft time! Darnin is so creative & fun. She found some cute Owl on a stick Halloween treats made out of Moon Pies. {Hey Darnin', where's the RC Cola? Come on! A Moon Pie & no RC Cola? You're doing it wrong...}
Anyway....Gage & Allen had a blast decorating these. Only...2 or 3 looked like owls because the boys got a bit more creative with their decorations.


The final creations:


After that, we decided to go for a "hike" in the woods...Check out Darnin's hiking boots...Yeah, she's a rockstar like that.


Pics from our hike...




It was a good time, and when we got home---Daddy tucked Gage in, and read him one of his new Halloween stories...

The Knee....4 days later.

Ouch.

Halloween Fun! {Part TWO}

Ready to Trick-or-Treat...

OCTOMOM & SPIDER MAN


My Octomom Halloween Costume was a hit. Spider Man was cute too. His mask got a little warm, so he didn't wear it long!

{"Has anyone seen the California Welfare Line? Or Oprah? I could use another room makeover. What about all those free nannies? Where the hell are they? What about the rest of my kids? They should be around here somewhere.... Kate Gosselin ain't got nothin' on me! And Angelina--no, I didn't have my lips done to look like you. These are all natural...I promise."}



The coolest-spookiest-house that we visited....




Really, it was cooler at night. With all these different sound effects, and lighting effects. The flash on the camera didn't allow me to capture it the way it really was. Gage loved it! He got scared, but loved it!

Gage crashed on the way home. Sooooo sleepy. Daddy put him in bed, still in his costume. But---we'd already made plans for Tera, Nathan, & Aubri to come over. So, Gage slept through it, while the rest of us were hanging out with the fire pit in the backyard.