Time Out: Hopped Up On Hormones.

I just have to take a time out from the California posts.
I'm hopped up on hormones, and I need to b*tch, or vent, but still remain appreciative, or just...whatever! Mmmkay?

Let me just start by saying, that I'm going to complain.
It doesn't mean that I don't want a baby.
It doesn't mean that I want to throw in the towel, or I'm not appreciative for what I already have...or that I don't think this is all worth it....It's just that I need to freaking complain! {...and I excel at it.}

This has been such a wonky cycle.
It started with false positives for ovulation.
How f*cking unfair is that?
You wake up, you're all excited to get a positive...


But you don't quite believe it. Go get another kit, and it's negative. WTF?



You wait, things get better, and BAM! Ovulation. Hot Damn! We're ready to roll.

And by roll, I mean throw rolls/wads/gobs/stacks of cash at this problem. And by problem, I mean 'fertility challenges'. What I've learned: if you google ballpark prices of any fertility services, add about a thousand dollars to that total, and that's about how much you can expect to pay. Of course, all fees for services due ASAP, are subject to change {read: increase on a moment's notice}, and are not covered by your insurance. Please and thank you and have a good day and kiss my ass, and kiss his ass and kiss your own ass.
I'm just sayin'....

Now, if I told Hubby one month ago, "I need three thousand dollars this month to try and get pregnant and capitalize on that 8% chance we were given," he would grumble and grunt only once about the cost. But as it stands, every 2 or 3 days to say, "today I wrote a check for $900+" and then, "today I wrote a check for $600+" etc., etc. It gives him the opportunity to grunt and grumble every 2-3 days.
Not to say that Hubby doesn't think all of this is worth it.
Not to say that Hubby doesn't realize that there are others out there who've spent waaaay more than this.
It's just that, this is our 3rd try. This every month is adding up! And nobody else's story is our story, so I don't really give a rats ass today about how much so-&-so spent to get pregnant.

In fact, today---I want to bitch about "so-&-so". Really, you knew someone who tried IUI 12 times before they got pregnant with some other technique? Really, you knew someone who RELAXED and they finally got pregnant? {Because yeah, relaxation causes pregnancy.... No, a nifty combination of C's apparently cause pregnancy: Climbing in the back of a Camaro with a Can of Coors and no Condoms!} Oh, so-&-so spent her whole 401K savings to get pregnant. So-&-so stopped trying and that's when SHE got pregnant. All of this helps me, how exactly???


TTC (Trying to Conceive), Texas Style...


And for another touch of humor:
How many infertility patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Screw in a lightbulb???? Hmmm . . . do you think it might help?

Moving on.
So---I'm hopped up on hormones.
I've got pills, patches, and well, other means of medication delivery that are just not pleasant at all.
My face is broken out like a 13 year old boy.
My boobs are swollen to the point of "This is FANTASTIC!" although, it originally got me all excited thinking that maybe I'm pregnant, but then I read that it's likely just a side effect of all the hormones.
The nausea...Lord help me. The fun part of this: it lasts for about 24 hours after I put on my new patches, and then it's followed by 2 days of eat-everything-in-sight. Awesome.
The prenatal vitamins: They are blue. And huge.



Don't see the irony in all of this?
I don't' eat blue things.
Haven't in YEARS.
These pills, I take. That in itself is a testament to how badly I want a baby. The iron in the pills has not been my friend, so occasionally I switch the big blue pill out for a women's multi-vitamin to give my tummy a break for 24-48 hours. ..not because I don't' want a baby, or I want a baby with neural tube defects---but rather, because I don't want my intestines to explode. It's a life-saving thing, really. Self-preservation; don't call me selfish.

And moody?
Who me?
Never.
{self-disclosure: I'm moody on a good day. You inject hormones into this situation, and I'm bat-shit-crazy.}
This morning, I was bawling in the school drop off line. Why? Because there is bad weather here in Texas, and Gage referenced the possibility of a tornado happening while he was at school. I was totally fine in dialogue about this until we were talking about his actions during a tornado drill, and I told him that while crouched down under his desk/table (you know, like we all had to do way back when), I told him that he'd have to be really quiet. He asked why. I proceeded to TRY to explain that Mrs.P (his Kindergarten teacher) would be in charge of his safety and the safety of the other children, and he'd need to be very quiet to hear if she were to give instruction or try to tell the children anything.
In a flash, I was bawling.
In a flash, my brain thought:
"Mrs. P----to be in charge of MY child's safety. How could she possibly protect MY child in a tornado when she had so many other students to protect as well? Doesn't she know how precious MY child is? Is she up for such a challenge? What am I thinking? Of course she is. She is trained, educated, and so nice? WTF? Trained & educated? How's her education going to protect my child from tornadic activity!? It won't! Oh, Lord forgive me, for thinking that Mrs.P wouldn't adequately protect my child, and Lord forgive me for thinking that MY child is any more precious than the other children. It's just that---to me he is. Lord, you can think that they are all equally precious; I'm going to just admit now that I'm biased, and hope that you forgive me for that."
And then it was Gage's turn to get out, in the rain, and I was still bawling, "Bye, sweetie. Have a good day. I love you."

Awesome.
The drop off lady (who opens the doors for the kindergartners) just looked at me with that "Are you okay?" quizzical look. There I was: a big breasted, zit-faced, bawling mess.

And now, I'm fine.
I'm soooo blaming the hormones.
The underlying neuroses are just made worse by these damn hormones.

Okay.
I think I'm done complaining now.
I'm ready to move on.

This will all be worth it in the end.
This will all be worth it in the end.
This will all be worth it in the end.

and....

It could be so much worse.
It could be so much worse.
You get where I'm going with this...

CA Trip 2012 Part Four: SF Hotel

We got to San Francisco after dark, and we found our hotel.
We were staying at the Hyatt Regency (http://sanfranciscoregency.hyatt.com). I was so excited to have a room with a balcony with a nice view...




My absolute FAVORITE thing about this room:


Hubby, maxing & relaxing in the room....


Okay, so I posted about how excited I was to have a balcony, right?
It was dark when we got out there. Our room overlooked the Bay Bridge. I went to the windows/sliding glass door, and I unlocked it. I damn near threw out my shoulder when I opened that door. Imagine my surprise when I gave it a big huge pull (because, hello! It's a glass door that's big & heavy) and it only opened about 3 inches before it just STOPPED. Ouch.

To illustrate my point, I took this picture (and the following pictures) the next morning...


So much for a freakin' balcony! The views were still amazing, and that's what counts, right?









In the lobby of the hotel...




We stayed on the 16th floor, and we had access to this club level on the 17th or 18th floor. The views from there were AMAZING. Floor to ceiling windows. Sodas, juices, coffee bar, breakfast spread in the morning. In the afternoon---milk & cookies, fruits.... In the evenings, drinks and appetizers. We loved it.

Despite the no balcony, the hotel was nice.
The staff there was very nice and attentive.

:)

CA Trip 2012 Part Three: Our Scenic Drive

So, to get from San Luis Obispo, we drove along the coast.



We stopped so I could walk on the beach in Cayucos.









Hubby didn't really feel like kicking off his shoes & socks, rolling up his pants, and walking on the beach. He sat on a bench & humored me. Such a sweetie.


We refilled with snacks & gas. Hubby was laughing at me, but these types of sodas just aren't common at gas stations/convenience stores in Texas!



After that, it was back on the road to San Francisco!
Pics from our scenic trip...










Watching the sun set...




{Rachel F: Thought about you when we went through Carmel by the Sea because of how much you loved it!}

...and then it was dark...and our path was long & winding. That's when we made the made the jump over to a more direct route to San Francisco.

...oh, and have I mentioned that I get carsick? It's Hubby's favorite thing to search high & low for a convenience store where I can buy salty snacks to keep the nausea at bay. {Note the sarcasm} On this trip, our first stop for sunflower seeds actually landed us at a shady liquor store in LA. Awesome. I almost puked on their floor by the time we finally made it there, but that's okay. I held it in, and the salty snacks seemed to help me along the way. Nevermind the fact that I was puffy & retaining water for the rest of the trip and my kidneys are probably salt-cured now!
{Why didn't I just take dramamine? It knocks me out, and then I would have missed our coastal drive, and Hubby would have been bored by himself!}

Next up: San Francisco!

CA Trip 2012 Part Two: San Luis Obispo

When Hubby's business dealings were done in Newport Beach, we hit the road to San Luis Obispo.

LA Traffic: Sucks.
I've never been to LA when the traffic isn't super-sucky.
That's about all I have to say about that.

I have no need to see California's wine country. I don't much care for wine. I'm no wine enthusiast. There are only a couple that I really like. I am a fan however of witty wine labels.

Anyhow....vineyards we saw just looked like sticks in the ground.

Maybe things are better in other parts of the state with vineyards, but what I saw in February was not impressive.
I'm just sayin'....

We were on the road to San Luis Obispo. The navigation system we had was a "POS." It ended up taking us through every farm to market path between the freeway and our final destination. It actually wasn't that bad. We saw all kinds of fruit tree orchards, and so much farming. It was quite the agricultural route.

When we met up with one of Hubby's customers there, we headed into the downtown area for lunch. Apparently you can't go there without a trip through Bubblegum Alley. So, I snapped these pics of Hubby and some artwork of Bubblegum Alley...



{What's really funny here: If you know my Hubby, then you know that he is a complete germophobe! Bubblegum alley is about 3 feet wide from side to side. There is chewed up bubblegum from the ground up. Hubby's skin was crawling!!!}

For Katrina:



I didn't snap any pics at lunch, but we ate in a kitchy little place that overlooked a creek. Very green.

:)

Up next on the California trip: Road Trip Up The Coast!

CA Trip 2012 Part One: Balboa Bay Club & Resort

At the end of February, I was lucky enough to get to travel with Hubby to California. We first flew into Orange County & spent some time in Newport Beach. After that---a quick run to San Luis Obispo (where I think I could be truly happy for many many years!), and then the scenic roadtrip up the coast to San Francisco.

It was an awesome trip. Originally, Hubby had to go because of business. He was at a conference that was held at the Balboa Bay Club in Newport Beach. I am sooooo glad that I got to go too! Even though the husbands were busy during the days, we wives had the spa to keep us busy! {Have I mentioned yet how lucky I was???}

Part One of our adventures....



Our room...


Our views...




Each day, Hubby would go off to his meetings, and I'd head down to the most beautiful breakfast room to dine... Here is a picture of the entrance to the room. No pictures of the actual room because there is no cell phone usage allowed in there.


After that, I'd take my tea and head back to the room to lounge & flip through the bajillion different magazines they stock in each room....


Well, I did that until the phone rang, and YES!, the spa could fit me in for the day to lounge in the steam room, dry sauna, & hot tub while I awaited my turn for a massage, body scrub, and airbrush tan. Yikes! What fun!!!

This was my first "all-day-spa" adventure. I took a break for lunch. Notes about my day: Yes, I can say it was one of the top 10...no, top 5 days of my whole entire life. Yes, I truly appreciated it, and felt SO lucky! The massage was amazing!! The body scrub---physically, it felt good. Mentally/emotionally: a little weird. If I had written a paragraph in the brochure to describe it, nobody would sign up for it. "It feels like someone else is giving you a bath; with exfoliating gel. Instead of standing in the shower, you are laying on a table that reminds me of an autopsy table, and I don't know why. Still, it feels pretty good. Even though it's weird."
See? Like I said, it was weird, but felt good.
After that, the airbrush tan. Never had another female all up in every inch of me without an "MD" behind her name. Still, I was pretty pleased with the results. Nothing drastic, per my request.
:)

Oh, the spa day was fabulous!

What else? We went on a dinner cruise around the Bay one night. I didn't take any pictures of that, but it was nice. I sat with some of the other wives on a couch in the lounge/bar area of the boat. I called them the Couch Wives...I noted to Hubby that I was the only one of the Couch Wives that doesn't have a vacation home anywhere, or a home abroad... {Hubby rolled his eyes, of course, and said he'd get right on that...}

Anyhow....Newport Beach was nice. The cars there were A-MAZ-ING. Nevermind that the gal heading into the spa as I was leaving had a face that was a cross between Priscilla Presley (the later years) and that tricycle riding freak from the SAW movies; she drove up in the most beautiful Maserati. Yes, please! The best part---someone rolls up to the valet stand in a Toyota, tosses the key to the valet & apologizes, "It's a rental." Which was promptly followed up with the obligatory "Of course, sir." {A key? Who uses keys anymore!?}

Oh, it was a super fun start to a super fun trip!