Whitney Houston: "Kiss My A$$!"

World, I have a {gasp!} shocking announcement to make: I DON'T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.

And, to be perfectly honest, I don't know if the world could stand it if I *DID* have it all together!


Recently---people have been complimenting me on my balance of school work, mommy-hood, internship, real work....etc. They think I've got it all together.

Another friend was talking with me on the phone & saying that she didn't think she measured up in the arena of parenting & called me "the perfect mom" and "the fun mom."

News flash: I'm not the perfect student, or the perfect wife, or the perfect mom, or the perfect friend, or the perfect employee. I'm not the perfect anything, I assure you.

I let my kid eat marshmallows for breakfast sometimes.

I could not find my wallet the other day. It was right where I left it: in the fridge with the bag of booze I bought at the liquor store the night before.

I found myself in the midst of a caffeine-deprived-major-parenting-fail the other morning when I had NO individually bottled/packaged for Gage's lunchbox, other than one can of Dr.Pepper & a wine cooler. I had to STOP myself when I travelled down the mental road of: "well, this is loaded with sugar. But this one has fruit...well, fruit flavoring at least...WTF AM I THINKING? THIS IS A WINE COOLER!" Yes, Parenting FAIL.
{Parenting Tip #762: PreSchools frown upon you sending glass bottled alcoholic beverages in your kid's lunch.}

Without my calendar, I would NOT do my homework, or my papers.
I recently forgot a PAPER that was due until I received a text message from a classmate the night before. At that point, I got side-tracked by the fact that I couldn't find my wallet, so I put the paper off until the next day...

I was late to work 17 times out of a period of 24 shifts.

My kiddo is 4 years old, and I enable his baby-like behavior. I still warm his milk...and then I put Nesquick in it---just like he likes it!

I don't insist that he wear socks with his shoes every single day.

I don't insist that he take a bath every single night.

I let him play barefoot in the backyard.

I suck at washing his hair, and he lets me know that I don't do it nearly as well as Daddy does it.

I skip pages when I read books to him sometimes when I'm eager to go to bed myself.

I haven't taken him to the library....in like 2 months.

I hardly see my friends any more...

I don't have all my sh*t together: I have a calendar...and coffee....
I've made peace with fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants mentality.

I am soooooooooo looking forward to a time when I don't have to juggle school in the mix with all of these other things. I look forward to a time when I can spend more time on walks, and crafts, and have the energy to create fun projects for us to all do together. I can't wait until I have more time to work on decorating our home for the various holidays....when I can sew more than the random hem on pants...

But--------in my defense: I'm not completely worthless.
My family loves me.
I've got good grades.
I get good feedback at my internship.
I haven't gotten fired at work.
My house may look like a bomb went off & I haven't been totally caught up on the laundry in...weeks....but we always have clean clothes to wear.
As far as I know, I don't smell, and my son doesn't smell...so that's something, right?

So..........I'm not the world's best Mommy. I don't have all my shit together. For those who would judge me for it, I'll let Whitney Houston sum up my response: "Kiss My A$$!"



{okay...did I really let crazy-crack-head-Whitney sum something up for me? just another example of how warped I am, right!?}