Weekend Away...

Well, I tried to escape to a worry-free weekend, but it didn't really end up that way.

How it ended: one tired little boy who had to have his forehead "super-glued" back together (Dermabond instead of traditional stitches).


How it began: a trip to see my mom in Tyler. Late Easter celebration, since we couldn't make it last weekend....

Friday night we got into Tyler to Mom's house...had a late dinner.


Clearly, I was tired....


Saturday.... lazy morning....I played dress-up with my sister. See, she's not really a girly-girl type, or should I say, she has her moments where she is...but on the whole, she's not into fashion & make-up & girly kind of things. So, I made her sit still while I put make-up on her. To which she responded, "Okay, but you need a daughter." Yes, i know. The testosterone around my house is about to make me grow my own penis.


PawPaw was so patient to help Gage ride a bike...


And then a few of us went for a walk around the neighborhood while the other kiddos hid the eggs for the younger ones to hunt.


Zack & Trystan...


And then....the hunt was on!


Sarah, Trystan, & Gage hunted eggs... They all had a good time. Gage & Trystan would open eggs while they were out & about on the hunt, take the candy out, and then throw the rest of the egg down. It was funny.

After things settled down a bit, we ate a wonderful Greenberg Turkey for lunch & dinner...bathed the boys....and Gage was OUT. He was sooooooo asleep.

My mom, sister, & I sat in the living room going through boxes...and boxes....and boxes of pictures. She says, "I'd rather them do this now than when I die!"
She had ELEVEN boxes of unorganized memories. So, we went through more than half of them, but we didn't finish by any means.

We did come upon the little headpieces that I had from Allen's 2nd birthday. It was a bumble-bee theme... "Bee Happy! It's your BIRTHDAY!"
...it really was a cute party...


After that, my mother washed & conditioned my hair....I put on my jammies & got into bed with Gage. A few hours later, I hear something...it was Gage, hitting the floor. He rolled right out of bed! Luckily, they have carpet. He whined a little bit, but I snuggled him & he went back to sleep within a few seconds. He was not hurt.

...until Sunday.
After we loaded up the car & I was making a final walk-through Mom's house to make sure we hadn't forgotten anything---Gage fell in the driveway. I do not know what he hit, but he cut his forehead. The cut itself is more like a puncture wound. Maybe a rock? Maybe a stick? Surely it wasn't a stick.... who knows? Anyway, he came inside all wet. I thought he had just fallen in the puddle in the driveway, but PawPaw came in & said that he'd fallen in the puddle in the driveway, and when I went to brush away what I thought was a wet leaf on his forehead---it was blood just kind of bubbling out & hanging out there. It wasn't streaming down his face or anything...but, it just looked....like a hole. So, we drove up to their ER there in Tyler & they dermabonded him. Poor guy.... doesn't he just look so pitiful in that picture? (first picture in this post.... I took that when we got home from the drive back to Dallas...)

So...that was the weekend for us.
For hubby....things were fine until Saturday night. More blood clots. These, not so big....about the size of a penny. Then there was more blood in his urine....that has decreased since Saturday night. So, this morning we had to f/u with the Urologist again.
Poor guy. This stuff is NEVER-ENDING.

Never too old to learn...

So, my grandmother is 86.
Eighty-six.

...and she came to visit last Thursday evening with my Aunt Loraine.
This was her first trip to my house. Normally when we get together, it's at her house, or my mom's house, or big family functions that don't fit in any of our houses...(she had 7 daughters, and I am the youngest grandchild...I'm 29. So, she's got a ton of grandkids & great grandkids, and great-great grandkids...)

Anyway...they came over & Gage had a blast.
He taught her to play golf...
And at 86 years old, she decided to go ahead & give golf a whirl...







It was so cute... After each shot, he would tell her, "Good shot, Mema. My turn." And they would take turns... so cute!

And then, it was Aunt Loraine's turn.

With her, he kept saying, "Keep your eye on the ball!"
She would intentionally require extra attention & Gage would patiently coach her along. It was so cute!

It was a good visit...

Ninja Gage & Eddie, the Warrior Dog....

Baby Gage & Eddie have a friendship...well, like the typical "a boy and his dog" mentality.
Except....Eddie weighs over a hundred pounds & sometimes does not realize how big he is....like Clifford, the big red dog. And, Eddie is getting old.

But, boy, when they play.... Eddie is so good to Gage.
He lets Gage wack him with things....he lets Gage pour SAND all over him. He just lays there while Gage coats the dog in sand. He's just...okay with it, as long as Gage steers clear of Eddie's eyes!

And Gage has this bulldozer thing....it was a gift from his cousin, Trystan. He pushes it all around the yard. He tries to catch Eddie in his bulldozer, although Eddie is about 4 or 5 times the size of this toy bulldozer...

Anyway....they travel around the backyard together, going on grand adventures & stirring up trouble....they look for fun, and always seem to find it.
...as long as Gage isn't throwing the sand in Eddie's eyes...
and
...as long as Gage isn't stealing Eddie's tire (yes, he chews on a tire...or a brick...he's a big boy!)

Just Say No to Dora....

So, I've tried to be one of those moms who doesn't care if her son plays with dolls and high heels and pink baby doll strollers....I just don't care. It doesn't bother me. Whatever.

But today....today, I had to draw the line, and it broke my heart to do so.

....and now, of course, I'm second guessing myself. Maybe I should have just given in....

Setting: WalMart, in the shoe aisle.
I just wanted to breeze through & pick up some cheapie sandals or flip flop type shoes that are easy to slip on & off for Gage. I just wanted a little pair to keep by the back door, so that when we go to play outside, it's so easy to just grab 'em & go.

And Gage fell in love on the shoe aisle. There she was, with her cute dark bob hairstyle....teasing him with her eyes...that "come here & play with me" look.... That's right. It was Dora. Smack-dab on the side of the tennis shoe. Not only did he want them, he told me, "I just neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed 'em."

These shoes....they weren't gender neutral by any means. They weren't all white w/ Dora on the side. Those, I would have gladly purchased. These had pink all over them....girly embroidery or stitching. They were just tooooooo girly.

I drew the line. I said what I didn't expect to say so soon, "No, Those are for girls."
I said it.
I felt bad.

I tried to distract him by looking for Diego shoes. No luck.
I tried to get him interested in some fireman shoes. They were black & looked like they were covered in flames. There was a firetruck on the side, and when you step, the lights on the firetruck light up. They were.....busy. Not something I would otherwise consider buying....but, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?
I suggested those shoes, and Gage said, "No! They make my feet burn!" I just laughed, and we moved on. We ended up getting some Spider Man slip on shoes, that I decided to buy just a size bigger than his normal size so they'd fit longer (stupid, stupid me....what was I thinking?????).

And, the way home....
Gage: "I just neeeeeeeeeed her."
Me: "Who?"
Gage: "Dora. I neeeeeeed her."

....am I an awful mom? Should I TRULY put the gender stuff aside & let him just have the shoes? Clearly, I thought I was the mom who wouldn't care---who would let my kids do whatever w/ disregard to stereotypical gender designations....but, in the moment---my actions are complete opposite of the way I viewed myself....

Easter 2008

The Easter Basket...


Hunting Eggs...


Playing Video Games with Daddy...


...it was a golf game...


Coloring with Memaw...

Sick & Sicker.....

Well, we're home now.

Hubby is recovering.
Susan & David came over yesterday & took Gage to Chuck E. Cheese, and then they brought us Wendy's. I am sooooo lucky to have such fabulous friends.

Eddie (the dog) had free run of the house for a little bit yesterday....so, last night I noticed that Eddie had apparently tried to scratch the bottom out of the tub...he does that sometimes. I guess he likes the cool of the tub, but he scratches before he snuggles down. So, I've got dirty claw marks in the tub...must scrub that later when I get the energy....

....but for now, I have ZERO energy. This little cough that I've had for about a week is now kicking my ass. I got into a little coughing fit early this morning until I puked on the dining room floor. Good times.

When it rains, it pours, and right now we're in the middle of a damn flood!

The good news: I think the Easter Bunny is going to come later when Gage naps, I will be seen by a physician later & see if I need any different drugs, & my mother in law came over w/ an overnight bag to assist & sleep over if needed.

May The Force Be With Us.

Update....

It's Saturday morning.
He's out of surgery now. Well, in fact, he got out of surgery last night, but I was too busy & then too tired to blog about it.

There were more clots in his bladder.
Dr.S removed those, and found 3-4 small areas where he was bleeding. So, he cauterized those. He came back to his room after recovery & he still has the Murphy Drip going, but they've slowed it waaaaaaaaaaaaay down.

So, after Hubby's surgery when he was in Recovery, I went on home & let the dog out. I made quite a few phone calls.... I placed a to-go order @ Chili's, and went to pick it up.... got gas in a shady place, so I made Melissa stay on the phone with me. Funny thing: she's in Saint Louis. I told her, "stay on the phone with me b/c I have to get gas, but it's shady here." She said, "Well, I don't know where you are if anything happens!" I was at the Valero in Dallas....Gaston & Fitzhugh, after dark. Thos who know Dallas will know....

Anyway....this morning, we're up. I'm about to leave the hospital & go home, let the dog out, feed him, and then drive to Rockwall to get Gage & take him to an Easter egg hunt with my grandparents. I'm exhausted & I want to just stay asleep, but I know it will do both Gage & I some good to get out & spend some time together. Also, Susan & David are planning to take Gage this afternoon/evening to do something fun, like Chuck E Cheese pizza! Woohoo! I already know this though: he is probably going to be weird about going with them, but once they get down the road & get to having fun, I just know everything will be okay with him. The last time they came over, he was shy at first, but then---he opened right up. Also, he had to go to bed while they were still at our house. The next day, the first thing out of his mouth was "where's my susan? where's my megan?" He was asking about David & Stephen too....so, I know that he'll have fun with them!

Okay....that's all for now.

Surgery....

It's about 7:10 pm, Texas time.
He's in surgery right now.

...I'll update as I'm able. UGH.

We're Back In The Hospital....

Long story...basically his bladder is full of blood & blood clots. These are not good things.

So, we're here until they get him to stop bleeding....or at least get the bleeding to slow down. According to the doctor, we may or may not be home for Easter. He's got something called a Murphy Drip going now... If that is able to irrigate the bladder & get the clots out, then great. If it doesn't, then we may be looking at another surgery.

With the Murphy Drip, they are running 6,000cc of fluid into his bladder just wide open. The catheter bag to empty the bladder only holds 4,000cc, so somebody is in here usually every 10-15 minutes to either change the fluid bags or empty the bloody fluid bag.

This is just awful.

The good news: his bloodwork just came back, and we don't need a transfusion.

I can't think of an appropriate title...

Ugh. Last night I just had the worst dream. I mean---really bad. Just awful. It was one of those where you wake up & you are gasping for breath & you are already sitting up, and just shaking because it is so bad....

...I had this dream that I was "in charge" of two children: a little boy (16-18 months old), and a little girl (4-7 years old). In my mind, they were the children of someone else---they should be older than me, but I was somehow an adult in their childhood....if that makes sense. Anyway....the little boy, he....I don't know what happened to him exactly, but I needed to do CPR on him. And when I was doing CPR, he was fighting me & biting me. So, I thought, if he is able to fight me, then he no longer needs CPR. I went to the little girl, and she was covered in vomit, and not breathing. So, I needed to do CPR on her....but, the little boy stopped breathing too. And his eyes---one was rolled back in his head, and the other was just staring at me. Watching me. Like he was teasing me, & watching me agonize over how to choose between them...which one to save? And I started thinking---when they grow up, I don't like the woman that the little girl becomes. So, I'll save him. But no---I already know that he is going to die as an adult, but prematurely---before the woman (the grown up little girl...) So, I am agonizing over who to save. And then, I realize---the little boy & the little girl are my children. They're both mine, and I have to save them both, but I can't. And then I woke up.

It was awful.

....Gage & I must have this connection though, because within a few minutes, he was awake too & calling for us. He actually called for Hubby...but we both got up. Gage wanted his 'nilla milk (his new soy vanilla flavored milk...) so Hubby fixed some for him. His diaper had leaked all over, so I rather enjoyed taking him out of his crib, changing his clothes, changing his diaper, and snuggling him. It was truly just what I needed. I just needed to feel him, and hold him, and to feel him need me.

Earlier in the evening, we watched "Flags of Our Fathers"...about Iwo Jima, and it was a good movie. It's just....it really kind of got to me. On two levels.... First, it made me think of my grandfather. He was a gunner with the Air Corps, back when there was an Air Corps. He came from a small town in Texas, and served in the military...as many other young men---boys----did back then. There was something said in the movie, and I know that I am butchering it up...but, it was about how heroes are something that we create...and you don't necessarily think about the pressure of that, or what it takes to be a hero, or what is taken from those who we now call "heroes". It just really struck me....I think about that with my grandfather, and now that he is getting older....not too long ago something was brought up about the war, and the planes, and things like that. It was the first time that I've seen my grandfather cry about the things he had seen, and the things he had done. As he gets older & faces his own mortality, he reflects a great deal about those things. Things that for years he either didn't face, or just didn't discuss. In those moments years ago, he was a boy following orders. He was a boy killing others or they would have killed him. But now, he has a hard time with those actions...those decisions...those visions...things that he has seen and done. And there is nothing that I can do to help him. We've tried to talk about it. I can get him to stop crying, but I can't undo it. I can't take it away. I can't rewind time and protect the little boy that he was....I can't get that innocence back for him. On one hand, he seems to understand that it was him or them....but, it does not change the fact that his actions took lives.

The other thing about the movie....I see everything differently as a mom now. When the movie was over, I just had this overwhelming desire to do the impossible: to keep my son from ever growing up, to keep him little forever, to keep him & protect him from anything that may cause him pain in any way. I just had this sadness thinking about him growing up. I know that there are so many joyous things in our future with Gage...watching him learn new things, and someday being taller than me (that day may come before kindergarten!)....I know that there are so many great things to come with him. But, I also know that there are going to be tough life lessons, and heartache, and things that I can't shut out for his protection.
I just felt helpless against time.

...anyway, like I said: holding him during the middle of the night was just what I needed.

Hubby & the THNGVBD.

That would be: Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Um....let me start by saying...Sunday, I had a little cough.
Yesterday, I went to work.
Yesterday evening: full on chest rattle yucky stuff.
I call my mom to tell her that I'm sick (and thank her for spreading her nasty-ass germs)...
After that, Gage throws up.
So....Gage & I get quarantined into the bedroom with a stack of books. Hubby, still recovering from surgery cannot afford to get sick. AAAAND---yesterday was his first day back to work in weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks.

Today: he's got blood clots in his urine. CLOTs. Gross.
Back to the doctor.

He's got an infection along his surgical sites, and his bladder is filling w/ blood & clots. Gross. More meds, more rest.

And then I check the mail....what could it be? He gets selected for fucking jury duty. This could SERIOUSLY not come at a worse time.


And, of course, he doesn't even know it yet...but I get to tell him in a little bit...and...he's supposed to serve on the day before his birthday! I suppose it could be worse: he could have been selected to serve ON his birthday...

Life is pretty sucky right now for my Hubby.

Saturday....

So, on Saturday, my dad & Allen were in town.

They came over....and Dad got the mower going for me. He & I mowed the backyard while Allen & Gage played....

...and then, we went to Celebration Station! It's a little outdoor park place with an indoor arcade, and outdoor rides...go-karts & bumper boats... Good Times.

Allen taught Gage to play Skee-Ball...


And Allen was so patient & sweet to ride the little-kiddie rides with Gage...




And then...I didn't think Gage was tall enough to ride the go-karts...but, come to find out, he is over 36 inches tall! So, I took him on the go-karts...


After that...we went to Hooters for dinner. (Allen's pick....)


And, Gage sat on a regular stool. No high-chair or booster seat. All was well, but when our little Hooter girl left the table, Gage almost fell off his stool watching her walk away...

He's such a boy!

Since the Surgery...

Okay, it's Thursday now. We really have done a lot since the surgery on Monday!
So, here's a recap....with pictures!

On Monday, Mom, Allen, & Mario were here....
So, since we were home from the hospital by lunch-time (a late lunch, but whatever...), we made pizzas!





And....during naptime, I took Allen & Mario to a local outdoor skate park.




On Tuesday, Mom's cold was full-blown! She wasn't feeling up to par when she got here, but wasn't necessarily sick. By Tuesday, she was SICK & it was time to go home. But, before that, we took my car in for an alignment & tire rotation. She took the guys & Gage back to the park. Gage made a mad-dash for the playground before Mom even reached the play area. He'd already gone down the super-wet slide & fell in wet mulch. He was wet, cold, covered in mulch, and ready to go. So, a few minutes later---they were back!

Mom, Allen, & Mario left on Tuesday.

On Wednesday (yesterday...), my friend, Tera, & I took our little ones to the Dallas Zoo. We decided that we'd ride together, and just rent a double stroller when we got there. To note: the double strollers do NOT have very much storage at all! The storage on that thing was super-sucky. Also to note: pushing back nap time for the sake of a zoo trip is not that bad....but, doing it for a 1.5 year old, and for a 2.5 year old, and then strapping them into the same stroller---not such a good idea.

Anyway...zoo pics:

Gage cautiously checking things out...


Gage kissing a statue... "it's a pig! it's a pig!"


Playing in the kids water area....


Gage rode a pony named "Bubbles"


The kiddos got an Icee (Gage's very first Icee!)


And...then we saw this:

"What's he doing, Mommy?"
"Why he is just doing dat?"
"Why's he up dere?"
........"Um, Gage, they're DANCING!"
"Dats silly."
[and I am just sick & twisted enough to photograph it!!!!]

So, remember what I mentioned about pushing back naptime, and putting two kids in the same stroller? All was well for a while....but, after a while---the fighting began. "Don't make me stop this stroller! I will pull it over!"


Gage's favorite: the Cheetahs!


Mommy & Gage as we were getting ready to leave...


...but of course, we had to ride the carousel on our way out!
He chose to ride the Cheetah, of course!


It was a great day!

Update....

Well....Hubby had his surgery on Monday morning.

Back up to Friday night.
Some girlfriends & their hubbies came over for a Surgery Kick-Off Party!
Susan, Megan, & I all had the same idea: a Penis Cake!
So, Susan made it.
(in fact, she's got the flesh-toned icing recipe down...she's made quite a few of these...)

Pics from Friday night...

The cake


Susan, Hubby, & Megan


Eating Cake


Saturday was a lazy day at home...and then...we took Gage to Toys R Us. It was his first trip to Toys R Us ever. I just KNEW it was going to be awful & full of fits. Not so much. Gage was greeeaaat! You know who wasnt? Hubby. Seriously, if I had not been there to say, "No." & "Put that back"....he would have needed to TWO CARTS! He was very interested in getting Gage a Lego Police Station. There was an interrogation room, and a break room, and a whole arsenal of weapons....As soon as I read "600 PIECES!" I knew it was NOT for us! I have no intention of picking up 600 legos off the floor! And besides, it was for kids ages 6 and up. To which Hubby responds, "Well, 6 is not that far off! And besides, by the time he turns six, they won't even make this anymore!"

Anyway...what we got: a slide (GrandDaddy's Christmas gift to Gage. They were sold out during Christmas time...and then there were a million & one reasons why I hadn't gotten it sooner...but that's okay...right?), a light-up moon for Gage's room (it really is very cool!), some Army playset thing that I agreed to--against my better judgement (and I've been picking up little army dudes ever since....), the Elefun game (Gage played this at a birthday party recently, and he LOVED it. So, we got our own....money well spent!), and the biggest hit: his very own TRASH TRUCK. Or, that's what he calls it. The printing on the side of the truck indicates that it is a recycling truck...but, for him, it's all the same. He LOVES it!
So, that was Saturday evening...good times!


Sunday night, My mom came into town. She brought Allen & Mario with her. (Allen's 11, and Mario is...13...or 14? I forget.) Anyway, they are out for Spring Break, and Mom came in to help with our family during surgery time. And, we were due to check in for surgery at 5AM on Monday morning. 5AM. That's just...well, it's too damn early.

Sunday night, we had a big dinner, and the boys all played in the living room. Gage thought it would be a good idea to go down the slide face-first. Needless to say, it was NOT a good idea, and he got a weird blood-blister-bruise thing on his cheek. He did not learn his lesson, and has since gone down the slide at least 200x face-first. He has learned to lift his head up while doing so---evidence that he has the capacity to problem solve.

Monday morning came waaaaaaaaaay too early. Up at 4:15 to check in by 5. Since Hubby won't be able to drive for a while, he drove us there. Well...we've been to this hospital a million times before. I worked there for 5 years. At 5am, it's difficult to navigate your way anywhere. So, we somehow missed our turn....had to back-track, and checked in 9 minutes late. No biggie, right? Well....at about 5:30, they let us know that we'd checked into the wrong area. So, we had to go to another building & check in at the RIGHT spot. FINALLy it was our time. Surgery was scheduled for 7am....I forget what time he got in & got out, and all that jazz. But, my mother-in-law & step-father-in-law were there with me. My mom was at my house with Baby Gage. We passed the time by getting breakfast...eating...chatting....and before we knew it, the doctor was out & updating us. What they did: reshaped Hubby's bladder & bladder neck. His prostate was not the right shape, likely since birth, which in turn caused bladder problems. So, when they started cutting on the bladder neck, the prostate fell in on itself, and parts of 2 lobes had to be removed as well. We were fully prepared for this as well. The doc sent the tissue off for pathology, but he's already told us that he does not believe that Hubby has prostate cancer. He thinks that his abnormally shaped prostate has most likely been that way since birth. And now, he has a catheter going into his bladder (something NOT new to us in this journey). Yesterday, the doc said that if he had problems with the anesthesia or the pain, then we would spend the night in the hospital. But, if he was doing well, then we could come home. He's had problems with serious vomiting & being combative from the anesthesia in the past. This time, we talked with the doc ahead of time. He said that he gave Hubby 4 different meds to help with nausea. When Hubby went into recovery---nothing. He was doing sooooo well. He didn't throw up at all! It was great. And, he felt pretty good---considering... So, we came home. He went straight to bed. He did pretty well yesterday!!!

So, all went well.
Thanks for all of the prayers & well wishes! We are sooooo ready to put all of this behind us.

Movies...

Michael Clayton

We loved it!

Marie Antoinette

I loved the movie, but thought the ending was lacking. But, I really really enjoyed the movie. And, the fact that I think the gardens of Versailles are perhaps the most beautiful place on Earth (certainly the most wonderful place I'VE ever been!) helped w/ regard to my enjoyment. I loved looking at the scenery & thinking back to my trip!

The Brave One

Loved it! It was great! Jodie Foster was great!

Rendition

Loved this too! Parts of it were difficult to watch, but it was a great movie.

Black Snake Moan

Um...it was different. It wasn't bad, but it was....different. I was into the story while watching it, but it's not anything I'd watch again...

Dirty Laundry

Had a feel-good ending. Parts were funny. Parts were sad.

John Tucker Must Die

Teeny-bopper kind of movie....but, I often like that crap. So, I thought it was cute.

Awake

Good movie...but, word of warning: don't watch this with anyone who is about to have surgery! (Hubby's surgery is tomorrow, and we just watched this movie a couple of nights ago...probably not a great idea...)

Death at a Funeral

OMG. Laugh-Out-Loud Funny. Loved it to bits!