So freakkkkkin' tired.

First of all, let me say...to those who've emailed me, and I have yet to respond: bear with me. I'm miserable & tired.

I dont know how much bigger this baby can get. I'm not a very big person...okay, let me rephrase that...I wasnt a very big person before this. Now of course, I'm huge. Anyway...I am sooooooo uncomfortable about 95% of my days.

So anyway...I had a dr's appointment yesterday.
Highlights:
Dilated to 3 (still...)
Effaced 50-75%
"Your bag of waters is bulging & could rupture at any minute".

I go back to the dr Monday @ 11:30 to discuss possible dates & methods of delivering this baby. There have been signs that his head may not fit through my pelvic bones.

Oh, and Britney Spears had her baby before me. Bitch.
That's right--I'm a hater.

Pretty cranky today. I'll admit it. Here was last night's sleep for me:
11:30-1:55 asleep
up at 1:55 until 4:30 watching tv.
4:30-6:33 asleep
6:33-6:34 contraction (Braxton Hicks, I'm sure of it)
6:35..in the bathtub...
7:00-9:00...asleep again.

And now I'm awake.

Deb, the midwife at the dr's office, said that I have a lot of things in my favor to deliver this weekend: change in pressure from the storms, full moon, and bulging "bag of waters". So, we'll see....

In my 38th week now....

Well, I'm in my 38th week now. Didnt think I'd make it this far. And, I have to admit...I'm a little pissed that I'm still pregnant.

We had Riley's funeral on Sunday. I dont really feel like posting a lot about it right now. It was just really hard, and I hope I never, ever, ever, again have to go to a funeral for a child. It was just awful.

So...anyway...starting the morning of the 11th...around 4:20am, I had a big contraction. At 6am, they started coming every hour & lasting about 2-2.5 minutes long. That night, after the funeral....around 10 or 11 they were coming every 3-7 minutes. So, Damon called the dr on call. She said to go on in & get checked. Well, they slowed down, and we talked about all the physical & emotional stress that I'd been under...and she said that is likely to bring on false labor. So, then I felt like an idiot. But--just for the record, "false labor" really just means "non-productive labor". Because when she first told me, I was like--"I cant believe this isnt real. The contractions are registering on your little machine, and I know that I can feel them!" She explained that they are real contractions...but they arent leading up to anything. Just creating an uncomfortable situation for me & the baby. Now God, in his infinite wisdom has designed this whole conception, birth thing very well...but false/non-productive labor...that's just one thing I dont understand!!!
The good news: on Sunday night/early Monday morning when they checked me at the hospital--I was dilated to 3 & 70% effaced. That's a little progress...Anyway... they gave me 2 sleeping pills & sent us home. And boy....did I get some sleep! But, poor Damon said that I was snoring like a freight train & he didnt get any sleep.
Sorry!!!!

Yesterday...hung out at the house. Cleaned around here a little bit.
Today...so far I've checked my email, made a pot of coffee (Half Cafe...so it's not fully caffeinated...) & had breakfast w/ Dad. Well, not really breakfast with dad...we chatted on the phone while both having our coffee. He's in Austin & I'm here...so it's the closest thing to having breakfast together!

That's all I know. Still no baby.
Yesterday was Tiff's birthday.
Today is Susie Martin's birthday.
Tomorrow is my Mother-in-Law's birthday.

Signing off for now!

Baby Gage...

Well, we had a rough night last night.

Contractions were 5 minutes apart for 40 minutes...then spaced out further...then disappeared.

Gage's horoscope for today (provided he's born before 9/22, he'll be a Virgo):
Quickie:
You're not making much progress, but resist the urge to give up. You're no quitter.

So, I guess that's fitting of last night's behavior....


Then, other than that, I woke up & had a crying spell that started around 4. It started w/ thinking of Riley, and going to the visitation tonight...and then, as a typical woman, I was crying about every little thing that was/is wrong--ever. Poor Damon doesnt know what to do--he seems to think that when I cry, everything will just be better if I'll stop crying. I happen to believe that crying is amazingly cathartic, and I generally feel better afterwards...but it's like I just have to get it all out, you know? So, I felt bad when I woke him up crying...he didnt know what to do...so I just went to the nursery & rocked Gage & myself...which made me cry more because I have this pillow that sits in the rocker...it reads, "A mother holds her child's hand for a little while, but their heart forever"...and immediately I was thinking about my sister & Riley again, which seemed to start the whole thing over again.

So, I took a bath...read a little...and got back in bed around 5:30, although by then, I wasnt the least bit sleepy. All I wanted was for Damon to hold me...but I didnt want to wake him up again.

Today & tomorrow are just going to be really hard.
I've got to find some shoes to wear.

Rough couple of days...

That picture is Riley, Tiffany, & Trystan--taken Christmas 2004.

Yesterday was rough. I went & told Pop & Gammy. Then, I met mom over at Aunt Loraine's. Then we went to The Colony where Tiff & James are staying.

Then Mom & I went & bought Riley's burial outfit. Oh My God...that was sooooo hard. Those little clothes are just so....little. He'll be buried in Nemo "big boy underwear" as he was potty-training....and my sister said he always wanted to wear his brother's Nemo underwear. So, we got him some of those. We got him a blue button up shirt, a new belt, and a new pair of jeans. That's what my sister & James wanted. She said "no socks, no shoes...he always hated socks & shoes."

We also got Tiff some clothes to wear. She isnt wanting to return to their home for anything just yet...so she needed some outfits for the visitation & funeral.

Couldnt really sleep last night. Not only am I still "Big Fat Pregnant" & always hot & uncomfortable...but I just kept waking up thinking about all of this.

I ordered a floral spray this morning. I called the same florist who did the flowers for my wedding b/c all night I kept thinking of what I wanted. It will be from Dad, me, & Damon. I decided that if I went to any major florist that it would just look like all the other funeral flowers. So, I called Linda (the wedding florist). She said that she could do it--and have it there by Saturday afternoon. She said that she was so delighted to hear from me. And, I adore her work--and fully trust her creative eye. Here's what I came up with, and she said that she would create it: Little wooden blocks that kids play with...I want those in the center spelling out "Riley". Then, I want TONS of white flowers all around. Tiff is meeting w/ the funeral florist at noon...so she hadnt picked out colors at the time that I ordered the spray...but I figure white is sweet, pure, innocent...and goes with everything! So, I think it will be just perfect. Something whimsical, I hope. Tiff said that the casket will be white...

What else?
Tiff wants everyone to wear bright colors to the funeral. She doesnt want everyone is all black. For me--I'll just have to see what still fits by this weekend...


And so here we sit: my sister just lost her youngest baby. I'm about to have my first (literally--any day now). I told my mother that if I go into labor around the funeral time--she needs to stay with my sister & go to the funeral. She said that last night, my sister told her just the opposite: "If she goes into labor, you leave all this & go be with her." I'm praying that my baby holds out...at least until after the funeral because I dont want to miss Riley's funeral...and I really dont want my mom to have to decide, you know? But my thought is that she will have years to see my son, and it will be her last time to see sweet Riley. I just dont want to think about my mom having to choose between the funeral of one grandchild, or the birth of another.....

There's a family viewing today at 2. I cant go. I have a dr's appointment today, and I was going ALL day long yesterday. Today I've been ordered to stay at home & take it super-easy.

Met my stretchmarks yesterday. Yup--they decided to show up. They're on the sides of my belly. So far, not too bad. I've seen worse--much worse.

That's all I know for now...

My nephew, Riley, died today.

That picture was taken at his second birthday just a couple of months ago.

Tonight, around 7pm, my aunt stopped by my house. Pleasant surprise, I thought. But, actually--she came to give me the bad news, and apparently nobody wanted me to hear it over the phone, or be alone when I heard it. They didnt know if Damon was home from work or not.

It's been on the news (I've been told), and ruled an accident thus far. Apparently, during naptime, Riley went outside & locked himself in the car. He was found a couple of hours later when my brother-in-law went to wake him & his brother from their nap. He wasnt in his room, and so my brother-in-law went outside and found him in the car, locked in, sitting in his carseat. He was just sitting there--& looked like he was sleeping. My sister said they called 911 around 3 or 3:30 when they found him....but it was too late.

My sister said that they did not take Riley to a hospital & attempt to resusitate him, because paramedics were unable to do anything at the scene. My sister said that there were news crews everywhere. She said that they put Riley in a bassinet & covered him with a blanket before transporting him to the ME's office.

Services will be this weekend.

I just feel so awful. I cant bear to think about him taking his last breaths by himself. I was there in the delivery room the day that baby was born. I was there for his very first breath. My sister said that she was told by someone at the scene (medical personnell--a police officer--I dont know) that he likely died in his sleep. Apparently, you get so hot & get sleepy & then just go to sleep. Is this true?? I dont know. I'd like to believe it, just as my sister would.

So, everyone--keep us all in your prayers. We all need the strength to get through this. And, tomorrow--I have to go to my grandparents house to tell them. They dont know yet. Things were so crazy tonight--spending time with my sister, & my mom came into town...I just couldnt bring myself to go tell them at 11:30 at night, you know? And it's not something to tell them over the phone....

So anyway--pray for us. And remember Baby Riley...

What they should show in Sex Ed...

Dear Young Teenage Girls who are thinking about having unprotected sex:

Here's just one of the many many things that can happen to your body, should you become pregnant.

Love,
A Big Fat Pregnant Woman.

37 week photo...

Well, there's me in all my pregnant glory...
It's "Labor Day"...doesnt that mean anything to this baby of mine???
So far...the answer is no.

Reading a book, after I saw it in the back of Shelley's car: "Trace" by Patricia Cornwell. Damon brought it home for me. And, mom brought me some other books:
"Full Bloom" by Janet Evanovich & Charlotte Hughes (author suggested by Shelley)
"Trading Up" by Candace Bushnell
"Wedding Ring" by Emilie Richards
"Hideaway" by Dean Koontz
"Nighttime is My Time" by Mary Higgins Clark (Damon will probably read that one...I dunno if I will or not...)

Movie Review: I cant remember if I posted this or not...but "Final Cut" with Robin Williams. I really liked it. It's sci-fi, which normally is not my thing...but this movie is interesting & really makes you think about ethics... I liked it & suggested it to Dad.

That's about all I know this morning...

37 weeks....

So, here's what Pregnancy Weekly says about 37 weeks:


Your baby is considered a term pregnancy even though the 40-week mark is still 3 weeks away. Your baby is probably about 6 pounds and measures 19 inches in length. Your baby can't wait to meet "Mama" and share with you all the love they have to give.

Here's what Baby Center says about 37 weeks:

Congratulations! Your pregnancy is now considered full term — meaning your baby is developmentally ready to handle life outside the womb. (Babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 weeks are post-term.) Your baby probably weighs a little over 6 pounds at this point and measures between 19 and 20 inches, head to heel.

Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children are born blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.


Here's what I say about 37 weeks:
I'm ready for you to come out. Period. I'd rather hold you in my hands than in my belly!!!!!


Yesterday...Mom came to town w/ Allen & picked me up. Took me over to Baylor Grapevine to meet new baby Nora, my cousin Kory's new daughter. Oh, she's beautiful!!!! We had lunch at a place in Grapevine called Mimi's Cafe. It was very good. Came home just worn out.

Mom got us all kinds of new stuff for baby Gage. And, she got me these BEAUTIFUL white nursing jammies....um--they dont accommodate these nursies of mine. They fit everywhere except the chest...so, she's going to take them back. We got a different pair at Motherhood. They're light blue--satiny. Love 'em.
Oh, and she got me a nursing bra. It's....hideous. I thought huge bras were ugy. Try huge w/ zippers & snaps & all the bells & whistles for nursing. It should just be called "Helga". If it had a name--that's what it would be..."Helga".

Anyway...last night we watched a movie with Robin Williams called "Final Cut". I enjoyed it a lot. It's a sci-fi movie, and I thought it was very interesting.

Damon & I woke up at 5 this morning & ate donuts in bed & watched TV. That was fun!

Now, it's noon...and Damon just made us a 2nd breakfast. He went to Walmart & bought a waffle maker. We're having Belgian Waffles for brunch. Yummy!!!!

Mike & Cat made it home safely...finally. I just got the word! WWWWWHHHHHEEEEWWW!

That's all I know for now. Hopefully a lazy day ahead. Oh, time out...hopefully an active day ahead--PRAYING FOR ACTIVE LABOR!

Prayers really needed for Cat...

They are still stuck in a hotel in New Orleans. Cat's PG. She's in her 2nd trimester. They're having a girl--her first baby. Anyway--Damon just called me & he heard on a local radio station that employees from AMH are stuck in New Orleans, and that several hospital directors & a medical team have travelled to New Orleans to get her out b/c "one of their employees is pregnant, and doing badly." Damon also told me that the radio reported that the people who travelled down there to get them out were turned away, the pregnant woman (Cat)is still stuck at the hotel, and they either are running out or have run out of food & water.

I know that there are tons of people who need our prayers right now, and Mikey & Cat are two of them! Please pray for them--that they'll get her out & get her back to Texas a.s.a.p., and that baby Gabrielle is doing just fine!!!!

Pray, pray, pray!!!

Pray for Mikey & Cat!!!

I just got an email from my boss, and I had no idea that our hospital sent some of our IS people (& some others) to a conference in New Orleans before Katrina hit. So now, my friend Mikey & his pregnant wife, Cathy, are stuck in a hotel by the Superdome in New Orleans! So, you guys pray for them. Poor Cat is probably so miserable! Mikey called his mom collect after the cell phone towers went down & reported that his hotel still has food & water...so at least that's good. But you guys--keep them in your prayers.

Mikey, Cat, and I always joke that their soon-to-be dtr's name needs to sound good with "Gage" so we can arrange their marriage. This way, we know we like our kiddo's in-laws. So, Gabrielle & Gage. That sounds good, right? I emailed Cat & although I know she wont get it until she's safely home...I jokingly wrote that we'll get Gabrielle a onesie that reads, "I survived Hurricane Katrina!"

Anyway--pray for them! And pray that they get home soon!!!!