National Heat Stroke Prevention Day!

July 31st is National Heat Stroke Prevention Day!

Since my nephew's death in 2005 from heat stroke in a locked car, I've become very aware of the dangers of kids in and around cars. Prior to that, it was just a thought in the back of my mind, but it was one of those "it will never happen to me," or "never happen to my family" kind of things...

Well, it did happen to us. It happened to Riley.

So far this year, 23 kids have already died in hot cars across our nation.

Kids and Cars is an organization that tracks the data relating to child safety in and around cars. They work for legislative changes to protect children from the dangers that cars pose to them, and they educate the community about potential dangers that they may otherwise not be aware....

Did you know that children are particularly vulnerable to heat stroke since their body temperature can rise 3-5 times faster than an adults???

More than half of the hyperthermia deaths in these situations are children who were unknowingly left in cars. These were not children who had parents or caregivers intentionally leave them in harm's way. These were average parents, who got distracted by their busy lives, or stressed, or fatigued, or had a change in their normal routine, or quite simply had their memory fail them. 

The next largest group of hyperthermia deaths occurred in cases where children got themselves into the vehicles, without the knowledge of a parent/caregiver. This was the case with our little Riley.

Anyhow....I would be remiss to let this day pass by without mention, and without sharing the resource that is Kidsandcars.org.

Here is a link to their site, which includes ALL KINDS of education regarding hyperthermia deaths, their "Look before you lock" campaign, the dangers of power windows, frontover and backover dangers, etc.
Kidsandcars.org

Happy Birthday, Riley...

Sweet Boy, your Nana did not forget about you, or your birthday. I was there when you took your first breath, and it pains me to think about you taking your last. I love you and miss you.... I can't imagine what fun Heaven is like for the little ones.... Please, watch over us daily, and help us lead the kind of lives that will get us to where you are....

xoxoxoxo
Nana

Bad Day Today, Happy Days Ahead.

So, I didn't have a stellar night. I was up at least 4 times to empty my bladder, and oh, every time I did---it hurt like CAH-RAZY. Not like UTI hurt...just, all in my pelvis hurt.

I was up this morning before 6, on the couch with the heating pad.
I knew something was wrong.

Took Gage to school. Talked to Hubby.
Called the dr. They weren't open yet.
Called my mom.
Called the dr again. Talked to Jami, the rockstar nurse. "What's wrong?" "Well, I don't know exactly. I just know that I hurt."

Anyway....Dr was supposed to come in at 11 this morning. He came in early and saw me. {Have I mentioned that so far, I love them?}

Well, Houston, we have a problem. Not a huge problem by any means, but a painful problem. I'm bleeding and leaking fluid into my pelvic cavity. It's by no means a large amount of fluid where we would be worried about OHSS at this point. I've been monitoring my weight, and I haven't had any great weight gain since the egg retrieval, and I haven't had any fever. So, the amount of fluid that I have should be reabsorbed by my body over time. The other good news: provided the fluid doesn't increase in volume, this should NOT delay our embryo transfer. The bad news: it hurts like a mo-fo! It's collecting by my bladder, so it's irritating my bladder. It makes me feel like I need to go frequently, but then when I do, it hurts all throughout my pelvis. It just hurts...

This whole IVF thing. I had no idea it would be this hard.
I mean---I had a general idea, but it's proving to be harder than I expected.

So...right here and now, I'm on pain medicine. I can't drive. I've got to take it super-easy.

I'm hoping and praying for a grand reward.

The dr instructed me to apply 4 Vivelle Dot patches when I got home.
Now we're adding more meds.... estrogen patches...

(my belly looks red because I had the heating pad on it just prior to the picture.)

What else about today?
It's the anniversary of my nephew, Riley's death. Today would not sneak by me. It never does. It's hard to believe that he's been gone longer than he was alive, and it's hard to believe that Allen is with him. Mentally, emotionally, today---I just can't go there. Not now.

....happy days ahead.
....happy days ahead.

2, 4, 6, & 8.

Today is Sept.6th.
It's the 6 year anniversary since Riley's death.
He was 2 years, 2 months, & 4 days old on the day that he died.
Right now, he would be 8 years old.
Eight.

I have no doubt that he would still have blonde hair, only made brighter each Summer by the sun.

I have no doubt that he would be just as sweet as he was when he was little. Such a curious little spirit with a sweet and cuddly soul.

I'm sure he's finally seen the ocean, and I'm sure he loves it...

I know that many readers know Riley's story, his short little life and the tragic way he died. For those that don't know, he died in a hot car. He got outside during a family naptime, and accidentally locked himself in the car in the driveway.

Over the last 6 years, there's been a lot of grief over his death, but there has also been some healing. In particular, my sister just recently made her first public appearance at a press conference to tell Riley's story and discuss the dangers relating to child safety while in and around cars. I am so very proud of her. I was so worried that this would unstitch some healed wounds, and on a certain level, I'm sure it did. In the end---she was poised and able to speak about his short life, his death, and raise awareness about this issue. I truly can't say how proud of her we all were, and seeing the clips on the news was just wonderful. It's not wonderful that she had to be there, had to tell the story, or that the situation happened---but it makes us feel productive toward change in education about the dangers. If you can find a sliver of progress in this arena, it makes the grief and the details about his death just a little more bearable...as if talking about it may make a difference and possibly save the life of another child out there in this world, whose parents may not have thought about this little detail or that little detail...

like these:
---locking your car doors, even if your car is in the garage or driveway.
---power seats that move even when your car is not turned on. They've caused child deaths already from strangulation/suffocation. Who knew??? I certainly didn't until I started researching all this after Riley's death. Do your power seats move even when your car isn't on? Another reason to lock those car doors.
---teach your older children to tell an adult when/if they see a child alone in a car! This is one of the hardest details about Riley's death: some older children saw him in the car in the driveway, alone & crying. They didn't tell anyone. They didn't tell anyone because they didn't know that it was dangerous. They didn't realize that a short while later, he would fall asleep from the heat and exhaustion, and die.

Riley,
Oh, sweet boy. I would give just about anything for one more hug, one more time to hear your little voice calling me "Nana," one more sniff of your sweaty little boy head after playing hard, and one more kiss on those little busy, dimpled hands of yours. Your short life taught me so much. You have no idea how much you taught me. Your absence has taught me to appreciate even the most mischevious moments in my child, and to treasure our memories....to MAKE more memories.

You probably already know this about your Nana, but I'm a bit of a nut with the camera. You are part of the reason for that. When we lost you, we lost your future and all that you would become. We had all of you that we would ever get, and no more. I just wanted more, and somehow believed that if I had just taken more pictures I would somehow get to keep you longer. Memories fade and memories fail. And so I go on, snapping away picture after picture of my own son, secretly terrified that something could happen to him and I'd lose the memory of the moment. It's silly, I know. I challenge myself at times to put the camera down and just be wholly present in the moment: to taste it, to smell it, to hear it, and to feel it. It's hard for me. I've held on tightly to the thought that pictures would keep all my memories for me, and it's just not true. So, that's a little something that I'm working on.

You'd be 8 now. EIGHT. My goodness! Oh, the things you'd be doing. You'd be reading and writing and riding a bike. You'd be wrapped up in a love/hate relationship with Trystan, I just know it. You'd fight over this toy or that gadget...whose turn is it to pick a tv show...typical brother stuff. But you'd love him. You'd definitely be two very active peas in a pod!

I miss you, sweet boy.
...and we're trying to make a difference.

Watch over me daily, and help me live the kind of life that will get me to where you are.
xoxo,
Nana

It never ends....

Crime blog: Mother who left child in hot car: 'I don't see what the big deal is' 1:28 PM CT

01:36 PM CDT on Tuesday, August 24, 2010
from: http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/yahoolatestnews/stories/082510dnmethotcar.867879f4.html

When confronted by Dallas officers, a woman accused of leaving her 2-year-old son in her car on a day when temperatures in North Texas hit 110 acted surprised by the police response, according to police documents.

"What's going to happen?" Gloria Arellano (right), 27, said, according to the documents. "I don't see what the big deal is."

Dallas police showed her that it was a big deal.

Arellano faces a charge of child endangerment. She is being held in the Dallas County Jail, where her bail was set at $1,500, records said.

Police believe Arellano left the boy in her 2005 Toyota Camry while she went inside the Texas Workforce Commission at 2707 Stemmons Freeway with a 6-month-old child about 3 p.m. yesterday.

About 15 minutes later, a witness told a uniformed security guard that the boy was locked inside the vehicle alone, police said. The security guard found all four windows were rolled up and he motioned for the boy to unlock a rear door, which the boy did, the documents said.

The security guard picked the boy up and took him inside to get water. He later told police the boy "was completely drenched with sweat."

Arellano told police that she could not handle both children, so she left the boy in the car while she applied for work inside.

"I left a window cracked and food in there," she said.

TX Lic Plate 076 NKZ

Dearest Female Honda Pilot Driver:

In the amount of time that you were in Tuesday Morning today, your car could have been stolen & the two children inside abducted. Those children could have shifted the car into gear and hurt themselves or someone else.

Today, you are very lucky that you returned to the car & everything was just how you left it. You are very, very lucky.

If you ever happen to google your own license plate number, and come across this blog post, check out kidsandcars.org, and harrisonshope.org, or click on the "Riley" tag attached to this post.

Is there no end? No, apparently there's not.

#1:

McKinney dad accused of leaving kids in car during Dallas strip club visit

11:43 AM CDT on Tuesday, April 13, 2010
By JUSTIN UMBERSON / The Dallas Morning News

A McKinney man faces child endangerment charges after leaving his toddler and infant alone in his car for an hour and a half while he visited a Dallas strip club, police said.

The dad




Michael Galloway's 9-month-old and 3-year-old were discovered late Friday by a tow truck driver across the street from Pandora's Men's Club in the 10600 block of Harry Hines Boulevard. The windows of the car were up and the doors were locked, said Senior Cpl. Kevin Janse, a Dallas police spokesman.

"He was illegally parked," Janse said. "The tow truck driver spotted it when he was making a routine check of the area."

Galloway, 36, initially told police he was in the club for 20 minutes, but witnesses said they saw him drinking between 10:15 and 11:15 p.m. He had alcohol on his breath when police took him into custody, said Janse, who noted that Galloway would have been arrested even if he'd left the children for 20 minutes.

Galloway's wife picked up their children. She declined to comment when contacted today.

Galloway was charged with two counts of endangering a child with intent to return. His bail was set at $10,000.

****************************************
This is just disturbing on many levels.
Many.

He's lucky that it was random-tow-truck-driver-guy who found his kids, ALIVE.

....his poor wife.
*****************************************

#2:

Woman arrested in theft of SUV filled with children, taking them for a ride
Posted Tuesday, Apr. 13, 2010

By DEANNA BOYD

dboyd@star-telegram.com

FORT WORTH -- A 29-year-old woman accused of giving five children an unexpected ride late Monday afternoon when she stole their mother’s SUV faces charges of auto theft and abandoning/endangering a child, police said.

Beverly Bates:



Beverly L. Bates, 29, was being held in the Mansfield Jail Tuesday with bail set at $7,500. In addition, she is being held without bond on an outstanding forgery warrant, jail records show.

The children, girls ranging in age from 1 to 9, had been left alone temporarily inside their mother’s running Ford Expedition as the 33-year-old woman peeked into a rental house on Sargent Street about 5:15 p.m.

“The mother reportedly told investigators that she left the vehicle running so the children would have air conditioning,” said Sgt. Chad Mahaffey, a police spokesman. “She also told investigators that she thought she locked the SUV before walking away.”

According to a police report, the mother told police that she had seen a woman wearing a purple shirt walking behind her vehicle. The mother told police she had walked to the side of the house and upon walking back, discovered her vehicle, children and the woman missing.

The mother called 911. A police helicopter immediately began canvassing the area, leading to the discovery of four of the girls in the 4700 block of Panola Avenue, the report stated.

Police said Bates had apparently dropped off four of the children, two still in their cars seats, at the location before driving away with the fifth.

Minutes later, police found the SUV abandoned in a parking lot in the 5100 block of E. Rosedale Street with the fifth child still inside. The site was about two miles from the location where the vehicle had been stolen, police said.

Bates was arrested on an outstanding forgery warrant out of Robinson, Texas, near Waco, after she was spotted walking away from the SUV with its keys still in her possession, said Sgt. Chad Mahaffey, a police spokesman. She was interviewed by detectives and later booked into jail on the forgery warrant and in connection with the carjacking.

Tarrant County records show that Bates has multiple convictions dating back to 2000, including for theft, auto theft, forgery and unauthorized use of a vehicle.

Mahaffey said that at this time, it does not appear the mother will be cited in the case.

“The happy ending here is nobody was hurt, the kids were recovered and the auto thief is in jail,” Mahaffey said.

“However, the teaching point is do not leave your keys in the car. Even if it’s for a small, short errand, do not leave the keys in your car. Do not the leave the car running. Take the extra time to get the kids out, take them with you, lock and secure the vehicle and take the keys and put them in your pocket or purse.”

********************************
I think it's interesting here that the first teaching point mentioned is to take your KEYS with you; don't leave your KEYS in the car.
The most valuable thing stolen here were the children; not the keys, and not the car.

Even if the car weren't running, and even if the keys weren't in the car, the random criminal passing by posed a threat to those children.

I's just sayin'...

Sweet Riley...

Oh, Riley.
I miss you.
I can't believe it's been 4 years.
4 years ago today.

You've been gone longer than you were alive.
I can barely wrap my brain around that.

I don't need a special day to think about you, or to miss you.
But....today is just the anniversary of your final day here, and I can't help but think of you today. I've forced myself today to not dwell on details, because they overwhelm me. The details hurt.

I just miss you.
We've all missed out on the person you would be now...
I saw "El Tigre" (okay, PART OF El Tigre) today for the 1st time. Your brother told me about a month ago that it's his faaaaaavorite cartoon. I'm sure you'd love it too, because you loved just about anything he loved because he loved it. Perfect little brother.

And so......I miss you.
I want to smell your little boy sweaty head just one more time....and hear you call me "Nana" again.

xoxoxoxo
~Nana

One Lucky Witch.

So...it happened again.
Does this keep happening to me because I'm a magnet for it, or am I just insanely aware of kids being left in cars?

Albertson's @ Buckner & Garland Rd, Casa Linda Shopping area, Saturday afternoon.

Red Mustang, TX License Plate #: KTR 285.

Little Boy, about 2 years old.
I called 911; I was connected to the Fire Dept., when the woman & the other child with her returned to the car. That little boy was probably 4-6 years old.

"Is this your car?"
"Is this your baby?"
"BABIES DIE WHEN THEY ARE LEFT IN CARS!"
....blah, blah, blah, I don't remember what else I said {yelled} while talking AT this woman with the fire dept. still at my ear.
"Oh, LOOK! YOU EVEN LEFT THE DOORS UNLOCKED! You're LUCKY I didn't take your baby. I could have just TAKEN your baby. And, you don't even have a CAR SEAT!"
-------"I just live around the corner."
"I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU LIVE! YOU SHOULD HAVE A CAR SEAT FOR HIM. AT THE VERY LEAST, IT'S THE LAW!"
At some point, the woman said "I'm sorry" {with a look on her face like 'this lady is yelling at me, and she's a freak'}, to which I responded, "You're not SORRY, you're LUCKY!"

And so....there I was, yet again.
But THIS time, I said something. And once I started....well, I had plenty to say.
Needless to say, she drove off in her red mustang with two little ones; neither in a car seat {though one may not have technically required one by Texas law....}.

So frustrating. She has no idea how lucky she is. She has no idea how many bullets she dodged that day... some pedophile could have taken her child... that child could have opened the door, walked out into the parking lot--wandered off or gotten hit by a car... so many different things.
She's one lucky witch.
....I'm just sayin'.......

"Am I so sane that you just blew your mind?"

Above Quote: ----Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld


Today, a woman blew my mind.
White Nissan Maxima, license plate --- VJD.
African American female with very short hair & a super smile.
Ignorant, but looks rather friendly.

Today, lady, you blew my mind.
You zipped around that Tom Thumb parking lot, ensuring that you got that primo spot. Yes, I know...go ahead. Clearly, by the way you cut me & other drivers off (and I wasn't even going for the parking spot!) you really wanted the spot. And in your mind, I'm sure you had good reason. Why? Because shopping with a toddler really isn't that much fun, is it? Yes, I know---I had my 3 year old son with me. You on the other hand, decided that your Maxima and your front-row-Joe parking spot were adequate babysitters so that you wouldn't have to take your toddler into the store with you.

As I approached the store, I saw your child in the backseat. In his carseat, content. He wasn't crying. He didn't appear to be afraid. Was this your first time to do this? He seemed like it was a perfectly normal part of his existence. That's frightening.

I reached for your doors. They were locked. Is that a good thing? Well, at least strangers and/or predators would have to BREAK IN to get at your child...but then again, so would rescue workers. Your child didn't even flinch when I tried to open each of the doors. That's...odd.

Your keys were in & the car was running. So, I wasn't too much concerned with hyper- or hypothermia. But now we've got ourselves a whole bunch of other dangers---his window will work. He can get himself trapped in that window. He can switch the car into gear hurting/killing himself or others. So many dangers that you've exposed him to for your in & out shopping convenience.

Maam, I was there. The parking lot was full. Everyone & their cousin was there shopping & stocking up on New Year's munchies. There's no way you were going to be "in & out." Even still, that doesn't matter. As the law stands now, you broke it because you were in Tom Thumb for more than 5 minutes. In that amount of time, all kinds of horrible things could have happened. Today you're lucky---because they didn't happen to you, and they didn't happen to your son.

What further blew my mind: you came out, and stepped around my son & me as we were guarding your car & child. You loaded your groceries into your backseat, locked the car again, and walked off to another store. Had errands to run, did you? In that moment, my hands trembled, and I was talking to 911 again. Thanks for flashing me a smile just as I was about to say something to you. In that moment, I was afraid that I would lack diplomacy & tact, and somehow end up saying or doing something that I may regret. What kept me from bashing your windows in & removing your child from that car? A few things: (1) the promise from 911 dispatch that a police officer was on the way, (2) I didn't want my child to witness any arguments that may go on between you & I, and (3) I didn't want glass to hurt your child.

You went to another store, and then returned to your car. You walked around me again to get into your car. Again I found myself weak & unable to formulate just the right words to say to you. You flashed that smile again, got into your car, and backed out of your spot. You were on your way....and lucky you, your child was not hurt today.
I cancelled with 911, and let them know that you returned to your car & left the shopping center.

I went into the store, fuming, and called my mother to vent. Of course that's when the "I should have said..." and the "I should have..." popped into my head left & right. ["Your Honor, I wasn't maliciously keying her car. I was keeping record of the minutes that she left her child unattended in the car. Unfortunately I had no pen or paper with me."] And, my momma gave me permission to break the windows & rescue a child. She said that she would write me a note excusing me if I get into any trouble for it. And paying to replace a window can't be THAT expensive if you think about the life you may be saving. I'm just sayin'....

So, I was in the hectic & crazy grocery store, pushing one of those humongo-carts with the truck thing on the front. I really hate those flippin' things. But maam, you'd hate it even more if you never got the chance to take your son to the grocery store again.

My son was hungry & wanted Craisins. I went ahead & opened the bag & let him snack on them throughout the store. Suddenly the darn basket wheel wouldn't go. I bent down to check it out & discovered gummed up Craisins on the wheel. UGH! I looked behind me down the aisle...My son left a Hansel & Gretal trail of Craisins as far as I could see. Oh No! But---at least my son was safely tucked into the shopping cart & ABLE to leave that little trail.

You dodged a bullet today. My shopping trip with my son in the mega-crowded store was trying. I admit it. But it was worth it. It was worth it to me to power through with him by my side. The alternate behavior of leaving him the car could be deadly for him. You are so lucky that none of the terrible things that your negligence could have caused did not happen to you today. Other parents have not fared so well, and I'm sure they'd give ANYTHING to turn back time, and undo one moment that contributed to their child's/children's death(s)/harm.

Your actions today blew my mind. Wherever you are now---you are probably blissfully unaware of how lucky you are. And your child has no idea what grave dangers he faced today.

So, maybe I'm so sane that you just blew your mind...no, no....you're blissfully unaware that your actions today were both criminal & negligent.

My mom & I have decided that 911 probably knows me now. I'm not afraid to call & report this type of stuff. If I don't do it, who will? I can't tell you how many people walked by that car & paid no attention to the little boy all alone in the car. I'm sure others thought I was crazy for just standing there by a car with one little boy inside, and one little boy outside with me. When my son asked, "Why'd his mommy just leave that boy in the car?" Unfortunately, my emotions got the better of me, and through tears I said, "Because his mommy doesn't love him enough to take him with her." I admit that response was fueled by emotion and was completely biased. What I should have said was, "Because his mommy is not educated about the dangers of leaving kids unattended in cars." For that I apologize...but only a little... Besides---you didn't hear me, and neither did your son.

But hey---don't mind me. I'm just the aunt of dead baby; what would I know about all this, right?

The 411

UPDATE: 4/19/9---THE TEX.REP MENTIONED IN THIS POST, WELL, HE MIRACULOUSLY CHANGED HIS MIND ABOUT SPONSORING MY BILL, AFTER I WAS DUMB ENOUGH TO PUT ALL OF MY EGGS IN ONE BASKET. YES, I WAS POLITELY INFORMED TWO DAYS BEFORE THEY WENT INTO SESSION...GOOD TIMES.
***************************************************

So....what started out as a class assignment...over a year ago...has turned out to be a class assignment for this semester as well. (work smarter, not harder...right?)

Well....with all of the work that I was doing in creating a "dream law", or "dream policy change"...I kind of thought----well, why not? Why NOT pursue it as a real law, a real policy change, and hopefully make a REAL difference---not just a grade.

And the next thing I know, things are set into motion, and my hands are shaking, and I'm meeting with a Texas State Representative, trying to explain to him why we need tougher laws about leaving children unattended in cars.

About 5 minutes into it, he said "Stop. Stop right there. I can't hear any more horror stories about kids today."

My heart skipped a beat.

I just knew that he was about to kick me out of his office b/c he was just DONE with this.

Quite the opposite.

The next thing out of his mouth, "Sold. I'm going to sponsor this."

He also admitted that until contact with me, he just ASSUMED that it was illegal to leave your kids in the car. Ergo my entire point about the lack of education to the general public that we even HAVE a law about this.

So....that's the deal.
He's sponsoring my dream law, and it will honor my nephew....you know, if it passes. We discussed possible obstacles, some possible co-sponsors.... in the end he doesn't think it will be difficult to get it passed....AND, thanks to my strategerie (is that a word?) it will be going before the committee he vice-chairs.
I think it also hit home for him as a father of two young children. He has a son just a wee bit older than my nephew when he died.

I couldn't have asked for yesterday to go any better than it did.
After that, drove out to Rockwall & picked Gage up.
Ran to the grocery store for a cake & balloons for my sister. I chose blue & yellow for this cause. My nephew was blonde with blue eyes. Got cash for the tollway.
Drove ALL the way out to Frisco. I forgot how loooong of a drive that is...Surprised my sister & brother in law with the goodies.

You could not have peeled the smile off my face yesterday.

Until....5 o'clock traffic on I-30, a 3yo who had not taken a nap all day, and the adrenaline & endorphins were no longer pulsing through my veins in such large volumes like they had been earlier in the day. 5 o'clock is about the time I started to slow down...

When I got into bed last night, it took me a little bit to really unwind & relax. When I did....boy, was I ever exhausted. Just absolutely exhausted.

And maybe it's rude to say...I don't care at this point. I'm really proud of myself. This took a lot of hard work, and I did it. I know the bill hasn't passed yet, but so what? I'm done with the first step. What comes next? It will be filed by the state rep, and go through legislative council. They will assign a # to the bill, and then I can track it online. The rep has asked if I will be available this Spring...between February & April to come & give testimony supporting this bill.
You bet I will. If I have to rearrange Heaven & Earth, I will be there.

F.U. Yahoo, F.U. Kelsey Mays, and F.U to that article that you wrote.

So...I just log onto yahoo.com.
I'm a yahoo fan.

Little clipit on there for me to click & read all about "Top 10 Scariest New Car Features" by Kelsey Mays.

What should I encounter...but #2 on the countdown...

"2. Heart-Rate Monitor
You read correctly. Volvo's Personal Car Communicator monitors the cabin and pulses a light on your keyfob if your car has an unexpected visitor inside. TV ads show a woman approaching her S80 in a deserted parking garage, seeing the warning and hightailing it away. The thought of having this feature is scary in and of itself — not for fear of being carjacked, but because we wonder what sort of paranoia would drive you to want it."

And Ladies & Gentlemen who know me---you know I have a response.
Kelsey Mays: has it dawned on you that this feature MAY save a life?
Why piss on something that you know nothing about?
If you don't want to buy this technology---then don't buy it.
But don't bash something that could save the life of a child. Do you think there is a single parent out there that has a lost a child due to accidentally leaving them in their car, who wouldn't give ANYTHING to turn back time? To undo that day/that moment? Do you think that all children who die in hot cars/cold cars are left there intentionally by parents who did not/do not love them? None of us can imagine forgetting our children in our own cars... none of us think that it will happen to us. But, it does. It happens to parents all the time. Children die because of this.

And you, Kelsey Mays...whoever you are...you have the taken the opportunity to applaud & embrace this technology, and just blown it. It's just such a shame that with such a large audience that could have been reached by your words that you didn't fully explore what this technology has to offer us.

Sadly---I'm just sayin'.

Three Years Later....

Today's the day. It's been three years since Riley died.



It's hard to believe that since his birth, he's been gone longer than he was alive.

Riley died on 9/6/5. He was 2 years, 2 months, & 4 days old.
I was at home on bedrest, BFP (Big, Fat, Pregnant).
His death was heat related as he accidentally locked himself in the family car.
For some reason, when I post about this....I routinely tell the whole story.
Many of you already know the story, and why do I continue to post it? I've asked myself that question quite a bit. Maybe I post it because I know that the stigma of kids dying in hot cars is that "oh, I can't believe someone would leave a baby in a car!" and I don't want anyone just assuming that anyone put him in the car, or that he was left there by irresponsible adults who just didn't care for him....or any of those other horrible things that people immediately jumped to....

During naptime, he climbed out his bedroom window (something that was very unexpected, not planned for, & he was not allowed to do...not expected to do.) He went to the family car parked in the driveway, and it was a kiddo's playground. I imagine him pretending to drive, and playing around. Nobody there to tell him "no". And I imagine him climbing up in his seat & his little imagination taking flight about the places he might go.

My mind goes to his death. The moments around his death. Fear, if he had it. Pain, if he had it. And the loneliness....the being alone of it all just kills me. Even my sister---his mother---tries to help me make peace with that; he wasn't alone, God was there....he wasn't alone, Aunt Nell & Aunt Jean were there....
I can hear those things, but not wrap my brain around that. I can't imagine those moments. Moments where he was crying, and alone.

In February I learned that some school children were walking home (either from school, or the bus stop, whatever....makes no difference) & they saw Riley in the car, crying.
crying.
Riley was all alone in the car, crying. Stuck. Hot. And dying.
He was dying.

And I think about those little children. They later learned that Riley died there in that car. Do they feel guilty? They are just kids. I do not want them to be emotionally or mentally traumatized by the knowledge that they saw him there alone & crying & did nothing. I'm sure they were never educated about the dangers of kids in cars.
But it does not negate the fact that I continue to think about the "what if"....what IF they had just told someone? What if a lot of things, though. And the "what if" is NOT what happened. What happened is that nobody could have known that a series of events or circumstances would fall into exactly into their place & that Riley would die that day.

One of my sister's biggest fears is that people will forget Riley because he "didn't save the world" or cure any global diseases....he was so small & his life was so short.

Another part of why I feel the need to tell the story is education.
Who would have DREAMED that a 2 year old could open a house window?
Not me. I would guess that Gage could probably BREAK a window, and that could happen in a split second! But open a window??? If you had asked me that question without having experienced this situation in my own family----I would have told you, "absolutely not."
Leave a car unlocked in your driveway? Who would think that a child may go out there unsupervised & get locked in? If you don't let your kids play outside unsupervised, then you may or may not think about the dangers around....I mean, if you are used to being there to guide them & protect them, and keep them from getting into danger, then great. Your mind is focused on those things: broken glass, wear your shoes outside, don't go near a hot grill, & stay away from the cars. But when you are inside, you are not necessarily thinking about that broken glass, or grill, or car. All of those things could still hurt or kill your child if you are not there to watch them. You know, before this happened to my family, I may have thought, "Gosh, I hope my car is locked so my stereo doesn't get stolen." When this happened to our family, suddenly I thought, "I know my car is locked, because no matter what, I don't want another child to die like that. It won't happen in my car."

So...the car was unlocked, & that's where he died. Does that make it my sister & brother in law's fault? No. They never could have known about the whole series of events that led to the fatal outcome. Just too many factors, you know? The window, going outside during naptime....sure his room got quiet. He wasn't in there. you would think, "hey, it's quiet, he's asleep." And you can't blame them for sleeping when the kids were sleeping. That's what all the seasoned parents advise, isn't it?
So...back to my point about education.

Cars can be sooooo very dangerous for little ones. And I found this website about kids & cars & safety.
Parents need to read this stuff. It tells stories of all kinds of dangers that cars can pose, things that you may not know.
For example, I learned about how many cars that have electric seat adjustments have it working in a way that even when the key is not in the ignition & the car is not on, the seat adjustment mechanisms can still work. One child (at least...) has died because of an accident with the seat moving.

Just all kinds of safety things on there to be aware of.
www.kidsandcars.org
and
wwww.harrisonshope.org

So......there's that.
It's on my mind.
I think of Riley every single day.
Please don't forget him. Think of him as you lock your car. Think of him as you talk to your children about car safety & how they need to alert an adult if they ever see a child left alone in a car.

And...did you know...in the state of Texas, it is LEGAL to leave your child(ren) unattended in the car for up to 5 minutes? Your child may not die of hypothermia or hyperthermia in 5 minutes....but a lot can happen in five minutes.
...I suppose that's a different soap box to climb on for another time.

For now, say a little prayer for my sister & brother in law.
Tell Riley's story, and remind others of the dangers of kids in & around cars!

Five.

"Our children change us... whether they live or not."
~ Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991

Today would be Riley's birthday.
Today, he would be FIVE years old.
Five.
Next year he would start kindergarten.
With his bright blonde straight hair, his fair skin, and his bright blue eyes.
He'd be potty trained by now.
He'd be running, jumping, and just as fast as his big brother.
He'd eat popsicles and get a little colored ring around his lips from the flavored goodness that we all know comes from the excitement of eating a popsicle in the summer-time!
He'd have a sweaty head & dirty shins after an all-day play adventure in this great weather.

...Riley and Trystan were Double Trouble. They were...what....17 months apart?
They were what Team-Work was all about.
When they were younger, if they wanted to reach something on the counter, but neither could reach---Trystan would convince Riley to lay down, and he would stand on Riley's back to reach up on the counter...or was it the other way around? I can't remember, and it doesn't matter. They worked together to achieve that common goal of getting things they weren't supposed to have!

It's hard to imagine that it's been almost 3 years without Riley.
Every year that passes, puts his existence a little further away....as if I'm stuck on some two-dimensional time line in a history class, moving further away from him.
Time makes things fade.
I can't remember his voice anymore.
I can imagine him sitting on the cement steps in his diaper, saying "Bye-bye, Nana." But, I can't remember the sound. Like a memory has been taken from color to black-&-white.

But...there are other things that I remember clearly. Clear as can be.
Things that are insignificant.
I remember what shoes I wore to his funeral.
I remember the floral arrangement that spelled his name out in little blocks. I remember all the different white flowers in that spray. I remember the drive home after the funeral. I remember eating Wendy's with my mom after we spent the afternoon shopping for his burial clothes. I ate at Wendy's. I ate lots of french fries. Who cares? Why do I have to remember that, but for the life of me can't get my brain to bring back his little voice?

Riley died when he was 2 years, 2 months, and 4 days old.
The last time I saw him was at his birthday party when he turned 2.

The day that Gage was 2 years, 2 months, and 4 days old...I remember making a blog post about it. How I dreaded the day coming, but I knew that it would. Gage has now lived longer than Riley, and Gage was born right after Riley was buried. I think of all of Gage's adventures...and misadventures....and I think of how my sister never got these moments with Riley. Did he ever say to her things like Gage says? Did he ever say, "Look! My tummy's all full of Captain Crunch!" while lifting his little pajama shirt & pointing to his belly???

I know she has a whole sea of memories..... but I just get these waves of feeling like we all got robbed.
...I know, this is when our Faith comes in.
...I know, bad things happen to good people....
I just hate this reality. I hate the reality that Riley is not here. I hate that we don't get to watch him grow up. I hate that he never saw the ocean. I hate that Gage never got to play with him. I hate that I'll never hear his little voice again, and now I can't remember it!!!!!!!


And now, back up onto my soap-box I shall climb....

Never, never, never leave your car unlocked....not in the driveway, not in the garage, not at your grandma's house....never.
Never, never, never leave your children unattended in a car.
Teach your children about the dangers of kids in & around cars.
Research car safety features, and write your congressmen (or women) about MANDATORY safety features in cars. The technology exists to help protect children...and it should not be a more expensive option. It needs to become MANDATORY in all new cars.

If you want more information about keeping children safe in & around cars, information about contacting your congressman, stories about the dangers of kids and cars, try these websites:
www.harrisonshope.org
www.kidsandcars.org

I'll Never Get Off the Soap Box...

I'll never get off my soap box about the safety of kids in & around cars.
Since my nephew's death in September 2005...it's just something that I think about constantly.

Recently, Christian singer, Steven Curtis Chapman lost a daughter when she was accidentally struck by a car in the driveway of their home.
Pray for this family.
http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/

*Never Never Never leave your car unlocked, even in the garage or driveway.
*Contact your legislators about mandatory safety features in the automobile industry---the technology exists to improve safety with our cars, but the features are options, not requirements.
*Invest in rear backup sensor for your car, or if looking to purchase a new car, consider purchasing a car with this feature.
*Never leave your child unattended in your car, even just for a minute! It takes less than a minute to steal a car.

For more information about kids and cars, you can visit these websites:

www.kidsandcars.org

www.harrisonshope.org

~Lainey-Paney

2 years. 2 months. 4 days.

That's exactly how old my nephew, Riley was when he died.
Today, Baby Gage is 2 years, 2 months, & 4 days old.

I prayed that today would come, because the alternative is that it wouldn't & that means that I would have less than 2 years, 2months & 4 days with Gage...and that's a horrible thought. I knew it would be hard, and I knew that it would weigh on my mind, and for some reason I've been counting the days until today.

So, of course, this brain of mine goes to places that I don't want to think about. My imagination sets today as some sort of morbid frame of reference. What if today was all I had? What if I had all of my memories of Gage, all of our experiences up until this point & no more? What would it be like to have half a day with him today & no more? What would I miss the most (besides....everything)? Today I'm sure he'll be able to get away with murder b/c somehow in my mind---today's the day. Today's the day he can do no wrong. Today's the day he can eat M&Ms for breakfast if he wants.

So, I marvel at his little mind & vocabulary. Today he said the word, "kitchen". He's said it before, I'm sure. But today, I noticed. I noticed how he the "tch" sounds like "sh", and I asked him to say it again, again, again.

His imagination is taking flight. Night before last he was pretending to be a bird in the living room. Flapping his wings, pretending to fly & making bird noises.

He loves to brush his teeth. He has a little Elmo stepstool in the bathroom. He loves to climb up there & brush his teeth, and wash his hands. And, he's really good now to open his mouth & let Mommy do the brushing when he's all done himself.

He loves to play outside. All the time. He loves soccer, and we play "soccer" in the backyard at least 4 times a week! He doesn't like to share the ball, so basically he's the soccer star, and I'm just some other team who runs around in the grass. If he thinks you're getting too close to his ball, he just lays down on top of it. He doesn't like to kick it if it is too close to the fence, so he bends down & swats it with his hand until it is a little further away from the fence...then he is right back to kicking it!

He's so weird about food. He likes macaroni & cheese now, but you can't call it macaroni. You have to call it "noodles". HE can call it macaroni, and you can call it macaroni after he uses that word...but not before he uses it, or he won't eat it.
He loves hot dogs & calls them "weinie dogs". He loves ketchup, and asks for it all the time. Like his daddy, he loves to eat bread. Like me, he loves to eat grated cheese. He loves corn on the cob, and sausage for breakfast.

He likes chapstick, but you have to watch him. He puts it aaaaalllllll over his face. And on the rare occasion, you can apply it for him. For the most part, you just have to take it away from him when he's covered his lips & before he moves on to his cheeks & forehead.

He loves to go to the store. He is forever asking to go to the store. He loves "donts" (donuts) & night before last he begged me to take him to the store to buy "donts and tape". (Scotch Tape is his new favorite toy. Just tear an inch off & stick it to his fingers....he'll be content for about 10-15 minutes.) He claims to love "coffee & donts", but I'm not sure he's ever really even tasted coffee.

He's a greedy-gut. He's not very good at sharing yet, and I'm not sure if it's just his age, or his nature...or maybe the fact that he's an only child. I'm sure that all of those things factor into it. But, he's greedy. Over the weekend, he was at my mom's house, playing with my 5yo nephew, Trystan. They were playing with paper shopping bags. They were running loops through the house chasing each other & fighting over paper bags. Truly you had to be there to appreciate how cute it was...but Gage would wait until he thought Trystan was not watching, and he would stash his bags behind a Ficus tree or underneath a chair in the living room...as if they were completely hidden. Then he'd chase after Trystan to steal some more bags. Greedy-gut,I tell ya.

He likes all kinds of cartoon shows....Scooby-Doo, Dora, Diego, Handy Manny, Teletubbies, Curious George, Johnny & The Sprites, Little Einsteins, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Caillou, JoJo's Circus, SpongeBob, Wonderpets, The Wiggles....oh, the list could go on. [and no, he does not watch TV all day long....he just likes a lot of different stuff, and seems to recognize all of these different characters....]

When you take off his shoes, he wants you to smell his socks & feet. When he gets out of the bath, he wants you to smell his feet.

He wipes his mouth on his sleeve, although where he learned this, I don't know. Daddy says it's just little boy instinct. It very well may be.

He is fascinated with his own nose. He is constantly exploring that nostril space with his fingers or just about anything he can put up there. You have to watch him like a hawk these days....

He loves his "blankies", although the position of current favorite seems to rotate. Right now, the current favorite is a light blue fleece blanket with cars on it. A gift from either Melissa or her mom...I can't remember which one now. He loves the blankets that my mother in law & a few friends crocheted when I was pregnant. He fiddles with the yarn & hole patterns as he drifts off to sleep.

Around here, he often likes to snuggle or sleep in "daddy's bed"....but when we are away from home, he refers to our home as "mommy's house." Daddy gets a bed; I get a whole house. Clearly he knows who is in charge around here, right???

He loves, loves, loves to go to the park. The swings used to be his favorite. Now, it's the slide. And, he's not going to do it alone. No sir. You have to climb up there too. You can either slide with him, or after him. But you bet your buns that you are getting a workout if you go to the park with Little Mr.Get-My-Way.

His favorite playmate is his distant cousin, Nora. (Nora is MY 2nd cousin, so how is she related to Gage??3rd cousin??? I don't know). He often asks for her, even though they've only played together a couple of times in their whole life. She's about a week older than Gage. And he calls her "Noh-wa".

He still loves the mobile in his room. It used to be attached to his bed, but he's too big for that now. We tried just putting it away, but every night he wants "Song". So, I ended up suspending it from the ceiling out of his reach (and almost out of mine)! Every night, he still listens to "song" as he twiddles the blanket & falls asleep.

The boy loves to dance. He has since he was soooooooooo little. He rarely does it on demand anymore. When he was younger, he'd dance all the time. All the time. Now, the mood has to hit him...but when it does, clear the dance floor & watch him in action. He's so cute.

Kissy-boy. He's kissed his little cousin, Nora....and it was so cute. And of course he's kissed family members. But....as we were watching "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry", he was at the TV trying to kiss Jessica Biel. I guess that's his crush. (he's got good taste. She's a total cutie!)

He does not like crowds or large groups. It really takes him a little bit of time to warm up to people in general, but crowds or big family gatherings----do not expect him to be on his best behavior, and do not expect him to be independent. He just wants to be left the hell alone....except he wants to be in Mommy's lap or on Mommy's hip when everyone else leaves him alone.

He's kind of moody. He gets that from me. I admit it.

He's allergic to something that gives him hives. We still don't know what.
He's got eczema, but it only seems to flare up about 3-4 times a year.
He does not like diaper cream of any kind. But, he likes powder. "spwinkles feel better." So cute.

When he was born, he had "old man hands". It took quite some time for them to plump up & become fat little dented at the knuckle baby hands.

His favorite songs: Born In the USA, Glory Days (both by Bruce Springstein), and #1 Favorite that he knows 99% of the words to: Ice, Ice, Baby by Vanilla Ice. Yes, it's very random, and kind of embarrassing, but I got the tape a while back at Half Price Books for less than a dollar. I thought it would be fun for a random blast to the past. He took a liking to it, and it's become his favorite. Period.

He hates trick or treating, and won't eat turkey unless it's a smoked turkey at my mom's house. He likes to sip "BabyMosas" (sprite & orange juice).

He loves Dr.Seuss, and every time he sees a picture of the character: the cat in the hat, he calls him Dr.Seuss.

He loves going up & down stairs all day long.

He loves playing cars & "twucks". He often lines them up end to end with such precision & determination.

He loves snuggling on the couch with Mommy. He likes to go to the mall & play in the kids area.

He's being groomed by extended family to love the Texas Longhorns. He has orange & white longhorn everything! Let's see....we've got UT: piggy bank, house shoes, hats (mulitple!), gloves, shorts, shirts, sweats, tricycle, dolls, footballs, baseballs, baseball bats, & basketballs.

He likes to watch football on TV. He's 2, and he LIKES to watch football. That's so crazy to me!!!! I can't stand watching football on TV....mega-boring to me. My husband cannot get me to sit there & watch football...even if it's the super bowl. Somehow, I will sit there & watch it with Gage. The other day, we watched part of the OU/OSU game as he was snuggling & getting ready for a nap. Everyone knows that I didn't give a flip about that game....but Gage, that's what he wanted to watch for a little bit....so we did.

He's just so sweet, and fun, and energetic, and complex. He's a moody little son of a gun, who makes my every day worth getting out of bed.

I have no idea what I did with all of my time before his arrival.
I can't imagine living a single day without his little smile, or mischevious hiding, or night-night kisses. I can't imagine what life would be like if this adventure ended. I'm so lucky to have him. I'm so lucky for all of his little personality traits....his sweetness....his smile, his excitement & energy. I'm so lucky to know him, and watch him grow & learn new things. I'm sometimes frustrated by being "the one" that he goes to ALL OF THE TIME....but, in reality, it's heart warming & I wouldn't have it any other way. When he's scared, I'm the one he comes running to. When he's in his bed, It's "Mommy" that he yells for. It's me. I'm his "one". And it won't be that way forever. So, I enjoy the times that he wants to snuggle with me. He wants to slide with me. He wants me to change his diapers. He wants me to play soccer with him. He wants me to get his milk. It's a lot of work being his "one"...but when I'm exhausted at the end of the day, I look over the day & love it.


It's just amazing how much love you can fit into 2 years, 2 months, & 4 days.

Two Years Without Riley

For those who know me, or have visited my blog for any extended period of time....well, then y'all know that 2 years ago, my nephew, Riley, died.

Riley died on 9/6/5. He was 2 years, 2 months, & 4 days old.
I was at home on bedrest, BFP (Big, Fat, Pregnant).
His death was heat related as he accidentally locked himself in the family car.
For some reason, when I post about this....I routinely tell the whole story.
Many of you already know the story, and why do I continue to post it? I've asked myself that question quite a bit. Maybe I post it because I know that the stigma of kids dying in hot cars is that "oh, I can't believe someone would leave a baby in a car!" and I don't want anyone just assuming that anyone put him in the car, or that he was left there by irresponsible adults who just didn't care for him....or any of those other horrible things that people immediately jumped to....

During naptime, he climbed out his bedroom window (something that was very unexpected, not planned for, & he was not allowed to do...not expected to do.) He went to the family car parked in the driveway, and it was a kiddo's playground. I imagine him pretending to drive, and playing around. Nobody there to tell him "no". And I imagine him climbing up in his seat & his little imagination taking flight about the places he might go.

My mind goes to his death. The moments around his death. Fear, if he had it. Pain, if he had it. And the loneliness....the being alone of it all just kills me. Even my sister---his mother---tries to help me make peace with that; he wasn't alone, God was there....he wasn't alone, Aunt Nell & Aunt Jean were there....
I can hear those things, but not wrap my brain around that. I can't imagine those moments. Moments where he was crying, and alone.

In February I learned that some school children were walking home (either from school, or the bus stop, whatever....makes no difference) & they saw Riley in the car, crying.
crying.
Riley was all alone in the car, crying. Stuck. Hot. And dying.
He was dying.

And I think about those little children. They later learned that Riley died there in that car. Do they feel guilty? They are just kids. I do not want them to be emotionally or mentally traumatized by the knowledge that they saw him there alone & crying & did nothing. I'm sure they were never educated about the dangers of kids in cars.
But it does not negate the fact that I continue to think about the "what if"....what IF they had just told someone? What if a lot of things, though. And the "what if" is NOT what happened. What happened is that nobody could have known that a series of events or circumstances would fall into exactly into their place & that Riley would die that day.

One of my sister's biggest fears is that people will forget Riley because he "didn't save the world" or cure any global diseases....he was so small & his life was so short.

Another part of why I feel the need to tell the story is education.
Who would have DREAMED that a 2 year old could open a house window?
Not me. I would guess that Gage could probably BREAK a window, and that could happen in a split second! But open a window??? If you had asked me that question without having experienced this situation in my own family----I would have told you, "absolutely not."
Leave a car unlocked in your driveway? Who would think that a child may go out there unsupervised & get locked in? If you don't let your kids play outside unsupervised, then you may or may not think about the dangers around....I mean, if you are used to being there to guide them & protect them, and keep them from getting into danger, then great. Your mind is focused on those things: broken glass, wear your shoes outside, don't go near a hot grill, & stay away from the cars. But when you are inside, you are not necessarily thinking about that broken glass, or grill, or car. All of those things could still hurt or kill your child if you are not there to watch them. You know, before this happened to my family, I may have thought, "Gosh, I hope my car is locked so my stereo doesn't get stolen." When this happened to our family, suddenly I thought, "I know my car is locked, because no matter what, I don't want another child to die like that. It won't happen in my car."

So...the car was unlocked, & that's where he died. Does that make it my sister & brother in law's fault? No. They never could have known about the whole series of events that led to the fatal outcome. Just too many factors, you know? The window, going outside during naptime....sure his room got quiet. He wasn't in there. you would think, "hey, it's quiet, he's asleep." And you can't blame them for sleeping when the kids were sleeping. That's what all the seasoned parents advise, isn't it?
So...back to my point about education.

Cars can be sooooo very dangerous for little ones. And I found this website about kids & cars & safety.
Parents need to read this stuff. It tells stories of all kinds of dangers that cars can pose, things that you may not know.
For example, I learned about how many cars that have electric seat adjustments have it working in a way that even when the key is not in the ignition & the car is not on, the seat adjustment mechanisms can still work. One child (at least...) has died because of an accident with the seat moving.

Just all kinds of safety things on there to be aware of.
www.kidsincars.org

So......there's that.
It's on my mind.
I think of Riley every single day.
And pretty soon, Gage will be his exact same age.
Gage's 2nd b-day is later this month...and I think about how the last time I saw Riley was at his 2nd birthday party.

And then there's my own baby....I picture my baby in Heaven, even though he was so tiny, and in the eyes of the law didn't even count as a baby. I use the "he" even though I don't know if the baby was a boy or a girl. [symptom wise, I tend to think it was a girl...but you know all of that stuff is unreliable...] I picture a healthy, perfect, full-term baby, full of life in Heaven. And I picture Riley taking him or her under his wing.
And two years ago, who would have thought that my mind would create that image? That Riley & Masyn would be together in Heaven? And maybe we really leave our body & human form behind, and there are just beautiful bright shining souls up there...I don't know...but I believe that they are together. Playing somewhere. Our little angel babies....

But it's not fair.
God promised to be just, but he never promised to be fair.

Nana misses you, Riley.
Right now, your big brother just started kindergarten.
You would be so jealous....I know.
Your mom would have loved some one on one home alone time with you...but, as much as you loved your big brother...you'd be so sad to be left behind.
You'd be potty trained now & wearing big boy underwear all of the time.
You'd run & play & get sweaty & dirty just like you used to. And you'd be 4 years old. You'd love to see your daddy's biiiiiiiiiiig truck. From what I hear, it's like the biggest bestest truck ever, and you would have loved to ride in it.
We all just miss you.
Riley, take care of Nana's baby...

Christmas 2004 (Riley, my sister, Trystan)


Riley's last birthday

Four Years Old.

Today, Riley would have been 4 years old.

For those that know about Riley...I'm sorry if I seem to talk about it a lot...write about it a lot... But, I think about it a lot. I can't help it.

For those that don't know; Riley was my nephew & he died just before Gage was born.

And I'll never stop talking about him, and I'll never stop writing about it, and I'll never forget him.

So.......
Four years ago today, I was at work. It was a Wednesday. It was July 2, 2003.
I got the call from my sister that she was going to have the baby that day. So, I asked my boss, "If I hurry & get all of my documentation done, can I go?" She said, "yes." So, there it was, I was at his delivery. My sister wore a hospital gown; Riley wore his birthday suit; and I wore a black linen dress & wore my hair in a low ponytail (as I often did...). They had a whole crew of people there because they didnt expect Riley to be as big as he was, and thought he may need some help breathing when he got here... The actual delivery went so fast. (this, coming form the gal who was NOT in labor & NOT pushing a baby out...) Anyway, it truly seemed like 2 pushes, and he was here. And, he was great! Breathing fine...doing a lot better than they thought he would be doing! He was just fine! Crying, and wiggling...he really surprised everyone. I remember my sister or the doctor asking me what I thought about seeing my first delivery...and I remember saying that it was "sooooo gross, but sooooo cool!" I was there for his very first breath. I was there at the very moment he entered this world.

After that, I took Trystan home to spend the night with me...and then on Thursday night, I took Trystan to Arizona with me. We flew there, and boy, did I have my hands full! When you aren't used to having a toddler around...suddenly being in a very confined plane row of two seats & trying to wrangle him in & get him to settle down...oh boy! [those memories right there make me reluctant to take Gage anywhere by plane...]

Anyway...I took Trystan with me to Arizona for 4th of July so that my sister & James could have some bonding time with Riley, and not have to keep up with Trystan in the mix. And, I am so glad that I did that for them.
:)

The last time I saw Riley was at his 2nd Birthday. We celebrated at Camp Wanica.
He swam, ran around on the playground, got completely dirty, got his clothes wet, got icing all over his face...just had a great time being a 2 year old boy.


Riley & Memma...


Riley swimming with my sister...


2 months & 4 days later, Riley died.
He died on a Tuesday.
I was at home when I was told...It was around 7pm...I was wearing pajama pants & a t-shirt when I got the news from my aunt. My house was a mess b/c I was on bedrest, and not expecting company. I was 17 days away from having my own son.

Apparently, during naptime that day at my sister's house, Riley climbed out of his bedroom window & locked himself in the car in the driveway. He was found later when my brother-in-law went to wake him & his brother from their nap. He wasnt in his room, and so my brother-in-law went outside and found him in the car, locked in, sitting in his carseat. He was just sitting there--& looked like he was sleeping. My sister said they called 911 around 3 or 3:30 when they found him....but it was too late.

My sister said that they did not take Riley to a hospital & attempt to resusitate him, because paramedics were unable to do anything at the scene. My sister said that there were news crews everywhere. She said that they put Riley in a bassinet & covered him with a blanket before transporting him to the ME's office.

This past February, when I was home with Gage during his super-ugly-stomach bug, I was talking to my sister about Riley, and being sad, and missing him, and all those things. She told me something about his death that I didn't know...and I still struggle with. There were some neighborhood children who saw him in the car. They didn't know about the dangers of kids in cars, and so they didn't knock on the door to tell my sister & brother in law...they didn't tell their parents...they didn't tell anyone. It was the time of day when kids were coming home from school...and they passed the car & saw him in there...crying.
He was crying. And scared. And alone. And it breaks my heart. Over & Over & Over again, it breaks my heart. And, I know that every single time I post about this, or talk about this, I just seem to focus on the fact that he died alone. He was absolutely alone and I can't seem to get past that. "God was there." Yes, I know that. Yes, I have faith in that. But it does NOT negate the fact that I am still just angry about it all.

And then I think about the series of events....the car was unlocked in the driveway when he found it. Even if it had been locked, he still would have been in danger because he got out of the window. What if there had been a better or different lock there? And what about the kids who saw him? What if they had just TOLD someone!???
But then I think...that's not how it happened. We can't change anything about that.
Who would have possibly dreamed that toddlers can open big house windows?
Until this happened to our family---leaving a car unlocked in the driveway of a safe neighborhood would not really be THAT big of a deal. "whoops, left the car unlocked. glad I took my purse in the house." You know--no biggie. I mean, each of these details came together & fell right into place for Riley to die the way he did. But each of them---when taken away from the whole story---you wouldn't think about THAT detail being harmful.

And Lord knows I don't want anyone to read the above thoughts & think that I am blaming anyone, because I'm not. I am soooooo not blaming anyone. It's really just the way my mind works & races about the details.

What if those kids had knocked on the door & told my sister?
Then he'd be 4 years old today.
And we'd be buying him Spider Man things & eating cake.
We'd listen to him & Trystan fight over who gets the next turn on whatever toy was the newest & coolest.
We'd watch them play together & wrestle & climb on each other and build forts in the living room out of blankets & whatever else they could get their hands on. And we'd get to watch him run through a sprinkler.
And he'd give us hugs. And big wet Riley kisses. And he would have gotten to meet "Nana's baby."

So, all morning I've tried very very very hard to just be happy. To just think about how lucky I am to have gotten even one of those hugs or big wet Riley kisses. And how I can tell the whole world about him, but I am one of the few who got to know him, and hold him, and smell his sweaty little head after playing all day.

But typing this...just makes me cry. And makes me angry, when I know that I shouldn't be. I know that life isn't fair. And, God never promised that it would be.

So, in closing of my Riley post...always, always, always lock your cars. Don't underestimate the strength & determination of toddlers...they're inquisitive & mischevious, and we love them for it...or in spite of it (depending on the situation)...& when your kids get older---educate them about the dangers of kids in cars. Tell them to get an adult if they see someone locked in a car.

And say a prayer for my family today because we all miss Riley so much! And I know that today will be particularly hard for Tiffany & James.

One year without Riley.

My nephew, Riley, died one year ago today.

That night, around 7pm, my aunt stopped by my house. Pleasant surprise, I thought. But, actually--she came to give me the bad news, and apparently nobody wanted me to hear it over the phone, or be alone when I heard it. They didnt know if Damon was home from work or not.

It was on the news and ruled an accident. Apparently, during naptime, Riley went outside & locked himself in the car. He was found a couple of hours later when my brother-in-law went to wake him & his brother from their nap. He wasnt in his room, and so my brother-in-law went outside and found him in the car, locked in, sitting in his carseat. He was just sitting there--& looked like he was sleeping. My sister said they called 911 around 3 or 3:30 when they found him....but it was too late.

My sister said that they did not take Riley to a hospital & attempt to resusitate him, because paramedics were unable to do anything at the scene. My sister said that there were news crews everywhere. She said that they put Riley in a bassinet & covered him with a blanket before transporting him to the ME's office.

Services were on September 11th.
He was buried in blue jeans, a blue button up shirt, and no socks or shoes. He didnt like them!

He had blonde hair. He had this heart...he'd crawl across the room just to sit in your lap. He gave big wet sloppy kisses, and they were sometimes hurried so that he could rush off to catch up with his big brother.

I've had many a moment where I cant bear to think about him taking his last breaths by himself. I was there in the delivery room the day that baby was born. The very moment he was born. I was there for his very first breath. My sister said that she was told by someone at the scene (medical personnell--a police officer--I dont know) that he likely died in his sleep. Apparently, you get so hot & get sleepy & then just go to sleep. Is this true?? I dont know. I'd like to believe it, just as my sister would.

One of my last memories of Riley was in the pool at Camp Wanica, and he was wearing this life vest suit thing. He'd get out of the pool---run over to the fence, and then run & jump into the water.
I can picture his little bright suit, his wet hair, the water making his little arm muscles glisten as he used his strength to hold on to his mom's hands in the water as he was kicking his feet underneath...trying so hard to swim like a big boy or really, just stay afloat! It's like I can almost feel that moment in the pool... The heat of the day, the cool of the water, the energy he exerted and the excitement & contentment he expressed...

So anyway...it's been one year.
I think about him all the time.
Today is an anniversary, but it's not like I just started missing him today. It's a constant, and as I watch my child grow, I think of him & his very short life.

So today---hug your little ones----check your window locks----always lock your car doors, even if it is securely parked in a garage or driveway---or wherever!

Nana misses you Riley!

Christmas 2004


Riley's last birthday


...after yummy birthday cake!

7/2/6....Happy Birthday, Riley.....

Sunday would have been Riley's 3rd birthday.

So, of course, yesterday it was really on my mind. It had been for a few days...

We went to Camp Wanica this past weekend. One year ago when we were there, we were celebrating Riley's 2nd birthday...his very last birthday. And we had no idea.

And yesterday I just spent a little time in the nursery by myself, rocking in my rocker.

The day of Riley's funeral, I was up at like 4-something in the morning & just started crying. I was crying so hard in bed that I woke Damon...he didnt know what to do....I went to the nursery & just sat in the rocker, and rocked myself, & cried & cried about Riley. And then came the contractions. Or did the contractions come before I went into the nursery? I dont remember now.
I just know that throughout that whole day---I was having them about every 30 minutes to an hour. Not super-regular, & not close enough together. Damon didnt want me to go to the funeral b/c we'd be so far away from the hospital, but I couldnt not-go. It was September 11th.

My sister told my mom that she's just so afraid that people will forget Riley.

I'll never forget Riley!
He changed me.
He changed me on the day he was born. I had never witnessed a birth before...I was there the very moment he came into this world & took his very first breath. I remember telling my sister that it was so gross, but so cool! In the hospitals where I've worked---I've been in the room before the pushing---during the pushing---and after the pushing...but never during the delivery.
So--he changed me.

Here's something funny that Riley taught me: When feeding a baby, you need the G.I. Joe Kung-Fu Grip on the jar of baby food. Once, when I was feeding him, he got excited & flung his little arms. Well, the top of his hand hit the bottom of the baby food jar, and baby food went EVERYWHERE! The jar went flying, the spoon went flying, the food may have even streaked the ceiling. What a mess! And of course, Tiffany just laughed at me....and so did Riley.

Riley was huggy (if that's a word???), cuddly, sweet... he would stand at your feet & look up at you with his little face... always trusting & looking for fun. I cant remember a single time that he was ever too busy being a baby or little boy to give me a kiss or hug when I asked for it.

My favorite memory...and the one that makes me the saddest, really...is when I would leave my sister's house & she & Riley & Trystan would sit on the top step of the front steps & wave "bye" to me, and blow me kisses. He'd be sitting there in a diaper, bare-foot...just waving & smiling. And we'd give anything to go back & have that moment over again...to etch every detail about that moment into our brains & hearts forever. If we could just get one more big hug, or one more big wet Riley kiss!

And before Riley passed away, he & Trystan would tell me either: "God loves Nana's baby", or "Jesus loves Nana's baby". (It's terrible...I cant remember if they said "God" or "Jesus") Anyway...they would say that b/c I was big, fat, pregnant, and they knew that a baby was growing in Nana's belly. That's what they call me..."Nana".
I'm their aunt...not that grandmother...but it really all started with Allen when he was little. He couldnt say my name, so he called me "Nana". Then when he went off to school--he started shortening it to "Non".

Anyway---I was/am their Nana.

When Riley died it changed me too.
I had "worked" a lot of infant/child deaths in the ER...but this was so incredibly different.... being on the inside of the tragedy...just different.
When Gage was born it made Riley's death...different...harder...
Life can be so short. We never know how short it may be.
I'll never forget Riley.
Every time Gage masters another task...I think about Riley & him mastering that task. I went to the ocean--and I thought, "Riley never saw the ocean. Trystan has still never seen the ocean. Gage hasnt seen the ocean." I think about him all the time. I think, what would he have been like if he'd grown up? Would he have gotten married & had kids? What kind of job would he have had? Would he have liked school? Would he have always been that sweet??? I think about him every single day.

And sometimes I think about him being alone...dying alone. And it's a horrible, horrible, horrible thought. I think about him going to the morgue, and I think about them doing an autopsy on him, and I think about him being buried, alone. I think about that stuff, and I know it's all so morbid, and it just hurts to think about it, but my mind goes there, and I have these images of him...his little barefeet in his bluejeans & blue shirt...in his big-boy underwear because he was working on potty-training. And I think about him being all alone in a coffin, and I feel terrible, and sad, and angry, and I sometimes understand that God is in charge & has a plan & a reason for everything...but sometimes I am just so mad that his little life ended like this---all alone. He was just a baby, and he was all alone in the end, and I sometimes I just dont understand why God would do that to him.

So...to my sister, I promise, I will never, ever, ever forget Riley.
Riley was born on a Wednesday. It was July 2, 2003. I was there at his delivery. My sister wore a hospital gown; Riley wore his birthday suit; and I wore a black linen dress & wore my hair in a low ponytail (as I often do...). They had a whole crew of people there because they didnt expect Riley to be as big as he was, and thought he may need some help breathing when he got here... Well, he didnt. He was just fine! Crying, and wiggling...he really surprised everyone.

Riley died on a Tuesday. He was 2 years, 2 months, and 4 days old. He died 9/6/2005. I was at home when I was told...I was wearing pajama pants & a t-shirt when I got the news from my aunt. My house was a mess b/c I was on bedrest, and not expecting company. I was 17 days away from having my own son.

I'll never forget what was said at Riley's funeral...and I know I've repeated this many a time...but I think about it every day...
"We cant do anything to bring Riley back here, but we can live the kind of life that will take us to where he is."
Happy Birthday, Riley.