Life Is Just So Daily

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

2 years. 2 months. 4 days.

That's exactly how old my nephew, Riley was when he died.
Today, Baby Gage is 2 years, 2 months, & 4 days old.

I prayed that today would come, because the alternative is that it wouldn't & that means that I would have less than 2 years, 2months & 4 days with Gage...and that's a horrible thought. I knew it would be hard, and I knew that it would weigh on my mind, and for some reason I've been counting the days until today.

So, of course, this brain of mine goes to places that I don't want to think about. My imagination sets today as some sort of morbid frame of reference. What if today was all I had? What if I had all of my memories of Gage, all of our experiences up until this point & no more? What would it be like to have half a day with him today & no more? What would I miss the most (besides....everything)? Today I'm sure he'll be able to get away with murder b/c somehow in my mind---today's the day. Today's the day he can do no wrong. Today's the day he can eat M&Ms for breakfast if he wants.

So, I marvel at his little mind & vocabulary. Today he said the word, "kitchen". He's said it before, I'm sure. But today, I noticed. I noticed how he the "tch" sounds like "sh", and I asked him to say it again, again, again.

His imagination is taking flight. Night before last he was pretending to be a bird in the living room. Flapping his wings, pretending to fly & making bird noises.

He loves to brush his teeth. He has a little Elmo stepstool in the bathroom. He loves to climb up there & brush his teeth, and wash his hands. And, he's really good now to open his mouth & let Mommy do the brushing when he's all done himself.

He loves to play outside. All the time. He loves soccer, and we play "soccer" in the backyard at least 4 times a week! He doesn't like to share the ball, so basically he's the soccer star, and I'm just some other team who runs around in the grass. If he thinks you're getting too close to his ball, he just lays down on top of it. He doesn't like to kick it if it is too close to the fence, so he bends down & swats it with his hand until it is a little further away from the fence...then he is right back to kicking it!

He's so weird about food. He likes macaroni & cheese now, but you can't call it macaroni. You have to call it "noodles". HE can call it macaroni, and you can call it macaroni after he uses that word...but not before he uses it, or he won't eat it.
He loves hot dogs & calls them "weinie dogs". He loves ketchup, and asks for it all the time. Like his daddy, he loves to eat bread. Like me, he loves to eat grated cheese. He loves corn on the cob, and sausage for breakfast.

He likes chapstick, but you have to watch him. He puts it aaaaalllllll over his face. And on the rare occasion, you can apply it for him. For the most part, you just have to take it away from him when he's covered his lips & before he moves on to his cheeks & forehead.

He loves to go to the store. He is forever asking to go to the store. He loves "donts" (donuts) & night before last he begged me to take him to the store to buy "donts and tape". (Scotch Tape is his new favorite toy. Just tear an inch off & stick it to his fingers....he'll be content for about 10-15 minutes.) He claims to love "coffee & donts", but I'm not sure he's ever really even tasted coffee.

He's a greedy-gut. He's not very good at sharing yet, and I'm not sure if it's just his age, or his nature...or maybe the fact that he's an only child. I'm sure that all of those things factor into it. But, he's greedy. Over the weekend, he was at my mom's house, playing with my 5yo nephew, Trystan. They were playing with paper shopping bags. They were running loops through the house chasing each other & fighting over paper bags. Truly you had to be there to appreciate how cute it was...but Gage would wait until he thought Trystan was not watching, and he would stash his bags behind a Ficus tree or underneath a chair in the living if they were completely hidden. Then he'd chase after Trystan to steal some more bags. Greedy-gut,I tell ya.

He likes all kinds of cartoon shows....Scooby-Doo, Dora, Diego, Handy Manny, Teletubbies, Curious George, Johnny & The Sprites, Little Einsteins, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Caillou, JoJo's Circus, SpongeBob, Wonderpets, The Wiggles....oh, the list could go on. [and no, he does not watch TV all day long....he just likes a lot of different stuff, and seems to recognize all of these different characters....]

When you take off his shoes, he wants you to smell his socks & feet. When he gets out of the bath, he wants you to smell his feet.

He wipes his mouth on his sleeve, although where he learned this, I don't know. Daddy says it's just little boy instinct. It very well may be.

He is fascinated with his own nose. He is constantly exploring that nostril space with his fingers or just about anything he can put up there. You have to watch him like a hawk these days....

He loves his "blankies", although the position of current favorite seems to rotate. Right now, the current favorite is a light blue fleece blanket with cars on it. A gift from either Melissa or her mom...I can't remember which one now. He loves the blankets that my mother in law & a few friends crocheted when I was pregnant. He fiddles with the yarn & hole patterns as he drifts off to sleep.

Around here, he often likes to snuggle or sleep in "daddy's bed"....but when we are away from home, he refers to our home as "mommy's house." Daddy gets a bed; I get a whole house. Clearly he knows who is in charge around here, right???

He loves, loves, loves to go to the park. The swings used to be his favorite. Now, it's the slide. And, he's not going to do it alone. No sir. You have to climb up there too. You can either slide with him, or after him. But you bet your buns that you are getting a workout if you go to the park with Little Mr.Get-My-Way.

His favorite playmate is his distant cousin, Nora. (Nora is MY 2nd cousin, so how is she related to Gage??3rd cousin??? I don't know). He often asks for her, even though they've only played together a couple of times in their whole life. She's about a week older than Gage. And he calls her "Noh-wa".

He still loves the mobile in his room. It used to be attached to his bed, but he's too big for that now. We tried just putting it away, but every night he wants "Song". So, I ended up suspending it from the ceiling out of his reach (and almost out of mine)! Every night, he still listens to "song" as he twiddles the blanket & falls asleep.

The boy loves to dance. He has since he was soooooooooo little. He rarely does it on demand anymore. When he was younger, he'd dance all the time. All the time. Now, the mood has to hit him...but when it does, clear the dance floor & watch him in action. He's so cute.

Kissy-boy. He's kissed his little cousin, Nora....and it was so cute. And of course he's kissed family members. we were watching "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry", he was at the TV trying to kiss Jessica Biel. I guess that's his crush. (he's got good taste. She's a total cutie!)

He does not like crowds or large groups. It really takes him a little bit of time to warm up to people in general, but crowds or big family gatherings----do not expect him to be on his best behavior, and do not expect him to be independent. He just wants to be left the hell alone....except he wants to be in Mommy's lap or on Mommy's hip when everyone else leaves him alone.

He's kind of moody. He gets that from me. I admit it.

He's allergic to something that gives him hives. We still don't know what.
He's got eczema, but it only seems to flare up about 3-4 times a year.
He does not like diaper cream of any kind. But, he likes powder. "spwinkles feel better." So cute.

When he was born, he had "old man hands". It took quite some time for them to plump up & become fat little dented at the knuckle baby hands.

His favorite songs: Born In the USA, Glory Days (both by Bruce Springstein), and #1 Favorite that he knows 99% of the words to: Ice, Ice, Baby by Vanilla Ice. Yes, it's very random, and kind of embarrassing, but I got the tape a while back at Half Price Books for less than a dollar. I thought it would be fun for a random blast to the past. He took a liking to it, and it's become his favorite. Period.

He hates trick or treating, and won't eat turkey unless it's a smoked turkey at my mom's house. He likes to sip "BabyMosas" (sprite & orange juice).

He loves Dr.Seuss, and every time he sees a picture of the character: the cat in the hat, he calls him Dr.Seuss.

He loves going up & down stairs all day long.

He loves playing cars & "twucks". He often lines them up end to end with such precision & determination.

He loves snuggling on the couch with Mommy. He likes to go to the mall & play in the kids area.

He's being groomed by extended family to love the Texas Longhorns. He has orange & white longhorn everything! Let's see....we've got UT: piggy bank, house shoes, hats (mulitple!), gloves, shorts, shirts, sweats, tricycle, dolls, footballs, baseballs, baseball bats, & basketballs.

He likes to watch football on TV. He's 2, and he LIKES to watch football. That's so crazy to me!!!! I can't stand watching football on TV....mega-boring to me. My husband cannot get me to sit there & watch football...even if it's the super bowl. Somehow, I will sit there & watch it with Gage. The other day, we watched part of the OU/OSU game as he was snuggling & getting ready for a nap. Everyone knows that I didn't give a flip about that game....but Gage, that's what he wanted to watch for a little we did.

He's just so sweet, and fun, and energetic, and complex. He's a moody little son of a gun, who makes my every day worth getting out of bed.

I have no idea what I did with all of my time before his arrival.
I can't imagine living a single day without his little smile, or mischevious hiding, or night-night kisses. I can't imagine what life would be like if this adventure ended. I'm so lucky to have him. I'm so lucky for all of his little personality traits....his sweetness....his smile, his excitement & energy. I'm so lucky to know him, and watch him grow & learn new things. I'm sometimes frustrated by being "the one" that he goes to ALL OF THE TIME....but, in reality, it's heart warming & I wouldn't have it any other way. When he's scared, I'm the one he comes running to. When he's in his bed, It's "Mommy" that he yells for. It's me. I'm his "one". And it won't be that way forever. So, I enjoy the times that he wants to snuggle with me. He wants to slide with me. He wants me to change his diapers. He wants me to play soccer with him. He wants me to get his milk. It's a lot of work being his "one"...but when I'm exhausted at the end of the day, I look over the day & love it.

It's just amazing how much love you can fit into 2 years, 2 months, & 4 days.

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At 8:11 AM , Blogger Stephanie said...

You are seriously amazing and this was a beautiful post. I know today has to be a little hard, but you have so much to be thankful for. Thinking of you! {{HUGS}}

At 8:26 AM , Blogger Beth said...

any fan of BRUCE is a friend of mine!

This was such a beautiful post. I can tell my your words, that Gage is THE Love of you life! It is amazing what you can fit in, in just wo very short years, isn't it?

sorry about your nephew.. :(

At 8:55 AM , Blogger Pregnantly Plump said...

This is a great post. I think it's so great that you are able to wholly appreciate him. I'm also terribly sorry for your family's loss. It's hard to even imagine... Hope you guys have a wonderful day together.

At 9:09 AM , Blogger Beth said...

You are a wonderful mother to a fascinating, engaging, beautiful little boy.
Such a great post. Your appreciation and love shine through!

At 11:09 AM , Blogger ~love said...


and not that you would have loved gage any less...but what a gift of perspective & appreciation riley gave you. by recognizing all the things you just did & being the wonderful mother that you are to are honoring riley, too.

i can totally relate to your perspective on being his "one." i pray daily that i take that on in a way that's loving...knowing that it's so fleeting & precious.

beautiful, beautiful.

At 11:19 AM , Blogger Alison said...

thanks for stopping by! aww..your post makes me want a baby

At 1:57 PM , Blogger gmcountrymama said...

That is a beautiful post about a beautiful boy. You are such a wonderful mommy to write all that about your son. Sorry it was such a sad day for you.
(P.S. It wouldn't bother me that you get stuck on words, I am sure I would find it funny and endearing. I just don't like grandma.)

At 2:49 PM , Blogger A Mom Two Boys said...

So sweet...I could have written almost EVERYTHING myself about my son...maybe they're meant to be buddies. Having said that, I might just steal every word you wrote and put it on my blog...but I won't! Can I link to yours at least?!

At 3:06 PM , Blogger Chris H said...

Lovely post... thank god you only have one child to rave about, otherwise that post could have turned into a bloody book!!!! I have 8 kids! Imagine how long mine would have been!!!! Hey, thanks for visiting my blog, a 'lady mo' is the top lip and chin waxed!!!! And it does not hurt much at all.. stings afterwards is all!!!!

At 4:21 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was such a beautiful post! What an amazing mother you are! Motherhood can definately be frustating at times but I love how you focused on so many of Gage's wonderful traits, and I could tell that you could have kept going and going. It is a love like nothing else, that is for sure!!!
So sorry about your nephew.

At 4:21 PM , Blogger mpotter said...

fantastic post. thanks for sharing.
sometime i remember your sad story about your nephew, and i'm still astounded.

i'm sure tomorrow will be a lot less hard. because you realize that every day is precious, and you have an extra one to be thankful for.

you're an excellent writer, or is it observer??? to know your child that well, AND you're not at home all the time w/ him...

here's to many MANY more........

At 6:26 PM , Blogger Eva said...

My kid's friend mispronouncing "Nora" as "Noona."

Sweet post.

At 6:32 PM , Blogger Secretmom said...

this is really nice. they change so quickly. it's great to get it all down in writing, which i need to do more often. he sounds like a fun kid!

At 7:16 PM , Blogger Erica said...

thanks for the earlier post. and love how much you love your son!

At 8:41 PM , Blogger Misguided Mommy said...

fyi the story of riley has haunted me since the day i read it. i am forever petrified of the window in my sons room and seriously seriously asked my hubs if we could put bars on the windows, then freaked out because i wanted them on all the windows. then i cried a lot and cried more and i think i'm going to cry more because you painted such a vivid picture

At 3:37 AM , Blogger Laura said...

What a wonderful post. And very timely for me. Five years ago my best friend lost her son to cancer. I was single and with no kids - so, I devoted much of my time to caring for her and her son. When he died, I was so lost and sad and feared I could never be a mom since there was a remote chance I could loose a babe like Donna lost Ben. Now, as a mom, I think of Ben often...especially this time of year...My eldest turns 4 in 2 weeks, a birthday Ben never celebrated here...and in 1 week, my middle child turns 3...Ben passed just after his 3rd heart aches for my friend, she struggles every day to go one...and at the same time, I try my best to focus on my blessings...thank you for reminding me to do just that!

At 5:42 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have an amazing way with words. This post is so beautiful and touching. You have such a beautiful heart. Gage and Damon are so lucky to have you.


At 7:12 AM , Blogger Elaine said...

I loved this post. Have a great day with baby Gage!

At 7:31 AM , Blogger zirelda said...

What a wonderful post. There is so much to being a mom.

It's both satisfying and heartbreaking and very much heart making.

At 12:21 PM , Blogger Maria said...

That cut my heart in two...

I just ache for Riley's parents...

At 3:14 PM , Blogger Stephanie said...

Oh, I want to add you to my private blog, so send me your email address :) It's far more intersting than the other I think.

Hope you are having a good day!

At 9:31 PM , Blogger Mojavi said...

wow... you are an amazing mommy! I also want you to know I lock my doors now when I go in the house. I never did before. You changed that in me, just wanted you to know that.

At 3:29 AM , Blogger Kat said...

I am sorry for your family's loss but this was a beautiful post. I have no kids but this made me want one really bad

At 10:08 AM , Blogger Em said...

what a great and lovely post!

When ever you talk about Gage it always brings tears to my eyes!

At 11:07 AM , Blogger Reid said...

simply lovely for you to chronicle Gage's life in that way and with this perspective. I wish so hard that you didn't have to think about it that way, but waht a lovely tribute to Riley.

At 12:57 PM , Blogger Mum to Be said...

That is such a great and beautiful post. Hugs to you all. Kx

At 4:47 PM , Blogger Ann(ie) said...

This is the most beautiful post, girlie. I cried. Rough day...prayers going out for Riley's folks. xo.

At 6:05 PM , Blogger Judy said...

Hey girl, thanks for your comment tonight. When all that happened with Tyler in the car, I immediately thought of you and your nephew. It actually took me a good solid day to write it down because it had shaken me up so. I am thankful that it was December and actually CHILLY that day and that he had only been in the car a short time when I found him (happily dumping out my purse and stuffing starbursts in his mouth). Not only are we having to lock my car, but we also now have to hide the keys - he knows how to unlock the door, which is amazing since it is hokey-jokey old car and doesn't have keyless entry.

(((HUGS))) Thanks again for stopping by.


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