Rough couple of days...

That picture is Riley, Tiffany, & Trystan--taken Christmas 2004.

Yesterday was rough. I went & told Pop & Gammy. Then, I met mom over at Aunt Loraine's. Then we went to The Colony where Tiff & James are staying.

Then Mom & I went & bought Riley's burial outfit. Oh My God...that was sooooo hard. Those little clothes are just so....little. He'll be buried in Nemo "big boy underwear" as he was potty-training....and my sister said he always wanted to wear his brother's Nemo underwear. So, we got him some of those. We got him a blue button up shirt, a new belt, and a new pair of jeans. That's what my sister & James wanted. She said "no socks, no shoes...he always hated socks & shoes."

We also got Tiff some clothes to wear. She isnt wanting to return to their home for anything just yet...so she needed some outfits for the visitation & funeral.

Couldnt really sleep last night. Not only am I still "Big Fat Pregnant" & always hot & uncomfortable...but I just kept waking up thinking about all of this.

I ordered a floral spray this morning. I called the same florist who did the flowers for my wedding b/c all night I kept thinking of what I wanted. It will be from Dad, me, & Damon. I decided that if I went to any major florist that it would just look like all the other funeral flowers. So, I called Linda (the wedding florist). She said that she could do it--and have it there by Saturday afternoon. She said that she was so delighted to hear from me. And, I adore her work--and fully trust her creative eye. Here's what I came up with, and she said that she would create it: Little wooden blocks that kids play with...I want those in the center spelling out "Riley". Then, I want TONS of white flowers all around. Tiff is meeting w/ the funeral florist at noon...so she hadnt picked out colors at the time that I ordered the spray...but I figure white is sweet, pure, innocent...and goes with everything! So, I think it will be just perfect. Something whimsical, I hope. Tiff said that the casket will be white...

What else?
Tiff wants everyone to wear bright colors to the funeral. She doesnt want everyone is all black. For me--I'll just have to see what still fits by this weekend...


And so here we sit: my sister just lost her youngest baby. I'm about to have my first (literally--any day now). I told my mother that if I go into labor around the funeral time--she needs to stay with my sister & go to the funeral. She said that last night, my sister told her just the opposite: "If she goes into labor, you leave all this & go be with her." I'm praying that my baby holds out...at least until after the funeral because I dont want to miss Riley's funeral...and I really dont want my mom to have to decide, you know? But my thought is that she will have years to see my son, and it will be her last time to see sweet Riley. I just dont want to think about my mom having to choose between the funeral of one grandchild, or the birth of another.....

There's a family viewing today at 2. I cant go. I have a dr's appointment today, and I was going ALL day long yesterday. Today I've been ordered to stay at home & take it super-easy.

Met my stretchmarks yesterday. Yup--they decided to show up. They're on the sides of my belly. So far, not too bad. I've seen worse--much worse.

That's all I know for now...