Puking is the bomb.

Today: first day of morning sickness.
I'm 10w1d.
What I've experienced up until now: afternoon sickness. Afternoon and into the evening nausea.
But today---wake up, brush my teeth, rinse my mouth, dry my mouth, oh-holy-hell-here-it-comes! I got to the toilet in time. Puked. Brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth again.... and then I moved the hell on!

It was AWESOME!
{I mean that in the least bulimic sounding way....}
I actually hate puking. For a brief second, I feel like I'm crying and choking at the same time and I can't breathe, and I'm fairly certain that I will die there, like Elvis, in the bathroom.
But today---I feel refreshed. I feel like I have the whole day before me, and I don't feel nauseous. Yay! Now, granted...it's still morning, and I have yet to experience an afternoon following a morning puke, so maybe I still have afternoon sickness to look forward to.... I choose not to think of it that way. I'm going to believe that won't happen.

:)

Also---from yesterday:

I had an appointment with the RE. That's our baby at 10 weeks. He or she was QUITE the dancer yesterday! I had a bagel with cream cheese and apple juice for breakfast. He or she was quite the fan. It was so fun to watch the baby dance, and fist pump, and kick and cross the little legs. He or she was doing quite a James Brown impression. You go, baby!

Here's what babycenter.com says about my baby:
Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.
He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.
If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

Why, yes, I am an idiot. What's a kumquat? I believe it's some type of fruit...
Here's what I found upon my "research": A kumquat is a small orange fruit generally classed as a type of citrus. It is usually grown as an ornamental, but the fruit can be made into delicious preserves.

I think I actually knew that, but just forgot....
I think Susie Martin's mom had a little kumquat tree on her front porch in a pot. How's that for a random memory from my childhood??? 

Anyway.... 
Life is good today. 
Gage gets out of school early. 
We're going to have a festive Halloween dinner. 
We're going to take Gage Trick-or-Treating. 
I'm going to eat whatever candy I want once Gage falls asleep tonight. 
{Ahhhhh, the joys of parenting! This really is one of the perks. He'll fall asleep, and he'll never remember how many Whoppers he had. Obviously I won't eat his faves, but it totally helps that he and I don't like the same candies! Anything with coconut: automatically belongs to the parents. Any of those sourpatch candies: automatically belong in the trash! Any chocolate with nuts: parents. Any plain chocolate, most of the Reese's, and Jolly Ranchers except for cherry flavored all belong to Gage. Oh! And flavored Tootsie Rolls: nobody liked that shit growing up. We all thought, "Hey, cheap-o, get some better candy!" My kid??? He loves all of them except the vanilla (they are in the blue wrappers). So, he totally keeps all of those.... Butterscotch: for the parents. Peppermints: those he keeps, but Mommy has to take them out of his candy so that the minty-flavor doesn't taint the chocolate....I'm rather particular about that....} 

...okay, so clearly this post took on a whole candy-coated-life of its own! 

I've got housework to do, so TTFN! {How long has it been since anyone's used that sign-off???}
I'll leave you with this picture of us from a Sunday night Halloween celebration:

 

Hallmark Fail.

Hubby and I would like to point out that Hallmark does NOT make a card for every life event.
Neither does the internet for that matter.
Hubby clearly wanted to express his gratitude to Jessica for giving me my IM shots during the IVF process. She came over nightly and...
Well, to hear him describe it was quite filthy!
"Well, she bent her over the end of the couch and poked her in the ass."
"Yeah, and sometimes my husband would watch."

Hubby wanted to find the perfect card that said, "Thanks for poking my wife in the ass."
The closest I could come up with was this....

To answer the question...yes, Jessica poked me. Repeatedly. And no, I didn't enjoy it. Not even once. And no, it was not remotely sexy.

I still have to thank those that brought us dinner when I was laid up on bedrest, but for Jess---who came over every night to shoot me up and went to two RE appointments with me as the chaperone on the weekend and for injection teaching---well, we paid for her to have a babysitter one night, and we all went out to dinner! Whooohoooo. Bin 303 was delicious. {Well, the cheesey heaven bread and soup were delicious....my steak was undercooked, but that's okay...}

Anyway----here's a pic from dinner, taken with Hubby's phone at incredibly close range and cropped because the flash made my bra underneath my shirt glow! {Seriously---it was crazy. I asked Hubby if you could really see my bra in real life and he said no...but in the picture---oh my!}

Dinner pic:

{check it: my head looks HUGE compared to Jessica's. wild.}

Hey Jess, thanks for poking me in the ass.

School 5K

Gage's school has a 5K every year. For the 2nd year in a row (because this is his 2nd year of school), he's participated in the 1 mile. He says that next year he'll do the 5K.

Pics from the super-early-and-very-cold event:

That's H & Gage. They've both lost their top two teeth!
Cuties.
:)

Neighborhood Haunted House

Every year, our neighborhood has a Haunted Trail for the kiddos.
Pictured above, R2, R1, Gage, and his buddy, C.

This year, the line was CRAZY long. For $5 you could get a "fast pass." $5 it was! Hubby went ALL THE WAY BACK HOME to get enough cash for all of us to get through quickly.

{Hey Hubby, YOU ROCK!}

Naturally, we ran into the fire truck along the way. The boys cannot resist. And---since C & his brother W were with us and their daddy is a fireman, W climbed right up into the front and honked the horn! Oh my! People jumped and it was hilarious!

(Above---Gage with C & W)

Then we ventured down to a couple of really decorated houses nearby.
The boys loved it.

The boys loved the outing and playing at the house.
:)

Pumpkin Hunting !!!! {Friday Night}

...followed by dinner at McAlister's Deli.
:)

Paint the Mall Pink

How cute is my mother?

She participates every year in this "Paint the Mall Pink" event in October in her hometown. They do it in October for breast cancer awareness and even though she didn't have breast cancer (she had colon cancer), she participates because they asked her to do it.
Why did they ask her to do it? Because she's fabulous and used scarves and hats and accessories to feel better about being bald and her appearance....and she shows others what they can do and shows them how they can accessorize during that time and hopefully they will feel better too.
:)

The funky floral centerpiece: just for fun!

In support:

{Gage was super excited that Mario took him to get a "flat-hat." Man, I hate that look! But, whatever... it's his accessory!}

Homecoming....

Well, this year we attended the Tyler Lee vs. Rockwall football game in Tyler. It was Tyler Lee's Homecoming, and Mario's Senior year. I asked Gage if he wanted to go to the game. "Who are they versing?" was his question. Who are they 'versing'? How funny is that? So, I told him that it was against Rockwall. I don't really think that he cares who the 'versing' team is, he just wanted to know.

Clearly, we would be cheering for Mario.
Sadly, they got their a$$es handed to them.... but that wasn't the point.

We went to the game. PawPaw was a "Blow Pop," and we filled up on concession stand food. Could it have been any better? {Well, yeah, if they had won....} Gage was exposed to the Texas tradition of Homecoming Mums and Garters. We were both exposed to how far the whole Homecoming procession has gone.... these guys/gals arrived on cars, rolled around the track, and finally had a crowning. We didn't have all that when I was in high school.

Anyway....here are some pictures from the game...
PawPaw took Gage down to help with the inflatable helmet, and Mario was right up front leading the football players, so as they kind of rallied there about to come out, he talked to Gage and gave him five...that kind of thing. It makes Gage feel so cool and so special. He just adores Mario and thinks he is the coolest thing of all time.

It was fun, but it was kind of sad and weird at the same time. We didn't really talk about it, but I know we were all thinking about it. Allen should be here. Where would he be sitting? Probably not with us, but with his friends. Where are his friends? I would look at the student section and wonder where he would fit in the crowd. Would he have a date to the dance this year? Would he go with his friends instead? It was just...weird. The wondering. The sadness of knowing that with dances in the past he would ask girl after girl and be told no for whatever the various reasons. How sad is that? That's not really something I've talked about here. Obviously, I adored the child, but he was small for his age, and often he was socially awkward with girls his age. He wasn't the most popular kid but he was smart, and he was loving.

...anyway....

Not long after the accident, the biking community erected a "ghost bike" near or at the scene of the accident. I haven't seen it in person. I haven't been to the scene at all. At times, I think about it, and think I'd like to just---see it. But, then, I don't want to at all. I will wonder exactly WHERE it happened. WHERE did his little head hit? WHERE did he start dying? And there will be cars driving over every bit of road as if it never happened. The cars will swoosh by, and the lives of strangers will go on, and the world will keep spinning, and I just don't want to see that..... I don't want to feel that. Which, kind of brings me to another topic, and I'll get there in a minute....
Mom had a garter made for Allen's ghost bike. Allen took particular pride in his garter from the previous year....his Freshman year in high school. So, this would be his Sophomore year....

So, the "other" topic I was getting to. Recently at lunch, a friend of mine and I were talking about Allen and the accident, and how I'm coping. She said that I seem to be doing well with it....and at times, I think I am. And then, there are times when I'm all alone, and I just lose it. And I finally said aloud to another person that I think I'm just kind of stuffing it away, and maybe not dealing with it.

We were gearing up for IVF and the ball was rolling in that direction when Allen died. All of that got put on hold because I wanted to be in a better place emotionally for pregnancy, or disappointment....just whatever was to happen for us. So I feel like I kind of stuffed some of my feelings and thoughts away. I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I've done my share of crying and still do....but there are times when I somehow will myself not to think about it, not to revisit it in my mind, and maybe that's what I need to be doing now. Maybe it's not. I dunno....

I think about how much has changed since the accident. Everything has changed. My little family is changed and growing and has exciting things happening. My relationships with my parents are different. They are different. We are all just different.

So...yeah, this post has really taken a turn from where it started....but the truth is: this is our life. Even the good things don't necessarily feel so good when your mind goes to missing him.

I just miss him....

8w6d

Hi, Baby.
You look like a teddy graham.
{The sono is from 8w6d. I'm actually 9w2d now.}

How can something so small make me so sick?
Guess what I've learned the hard way: Zofran is NOT my friend.
Why? Because the side effects are worse than nausea.


But, I am so gratefully pregnant.
So, while I complain, I'll take whatever symptoms come my way.

Lets talk about this pregnancy vs. my pregnancy with Gage....

With Gage, I was nothing but excited all of the time.
This time, I'm afraid every time that I get a sono. I'm so afraid that they will tell me that my baby is dead. Every time, that anxiety creeps in. And so far, I've been delightfully wrong every time!

With Gage, I was all glowy.
This time, I'm not glowy. I'm zitty.

The shape of my belly is so different this time around. It's just...different.

The nausea---ugh. I was NOT this sick when I was pregnant with Gage.

I don't remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Gage. This time around, I'm so tired all the time! I hear {and read} that it's normal during the first trimester, so I'm hoping that I'll move out of this phase soon and get my energy back.

So here's what I found online:
Your Body in Week 9 of Pregnancy
Chances are you've never felt so tired in your life and for good reason: Your body is working overtime preparing for motherhood as it develops the placenta, your baby's lifeline. At the same time, your metabolism and hormone levels are surging, which triggers a decrease in blood sugar and blood pressure. The result of all this: pregnancy fatigue. Relief is around the corner as your energy level increases (and morning sickness decreases) over the next few weeks once placenta construction is completed.
From: http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/week-by-week/week-9.aspx

How your baby's growing: 
Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.
From: http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-pregnancy-9-weeks_1098.bc

So...the heart rate...
6w0d = 92 bpm
8w0d = 180 bpm
8w6d = 170 bpm

I go back to the RE on Tuesday.  I'll be 10 weeks. I can't wait to see the baby again.

...and in other news, one of my dear friends here on Wisteria Lane is also pregnant! She's going to the OB soon to get her due date, but it seems that she's about a week behind me. Yaaaay! How fun is THAT going to be? Lots.

My official due date: 5/28/13.
The plan: a c-section at 39 weeks since I am not a candidate for a VBAC.
So, that would be 5/21/13....that's a Tuesday.
...but, I got married on a Friday.
I had Gage on a Friday.
If I get to pick, I will likely pick Friday, 5/24/12.
We'll see.....

Pool Update: Part Two

Seriously, this was the end of Day 2.

Couldn't believe how fast things were going!

Mid-week:

Followed by.....

It's just flown by!!!!

Halloween Whores.

On this episode of Halloween Whores, we bring you the:

SEXY HONEY BADGER.
{Sexy Honey Badger don't give a shit if you like her costume!}

Sexy Honey Badger - $69.90
This…is the Sexy Honey Badger, watch it run in slow motion.  Eeew! It’s wearing a tube dress with a fur stripe. And look at those stilettos (not included)… it’s pretty badazz.
Sexy Honey Badger, don’t forget to show them how you get guys. Ew that’s so nasty. “Get away from me,” says the guy “Get away from me.” Sexy Honey Badger don’t care, she just drinks the sh*t out of her appletini.
The Sexy Honey Badger goes to another house party with like, a thousand guests. Look! They’re all talking about her..
Sexy Honey Badger don’t care. Honey Badger don’t give a sh*t if you like her costume or not.
The Sexy Honey Badger.
{Props to BzeetyD for coming up with this!}

Pool Progress: Part One

Well, we're getting a pool.
It started with the arrival of lots of big equipment...

 ...and that's a view from the neighbor's upstairs window. We were seizing the opportunity of an empty lot next door to have the pool built. It would have been much harder without such easy access!

At the end of the first day:

See how little they look in the deep end!?

....and now I'm ready for a new fence.