Life Is Just So Daily

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

He'll Learn.....I hope. Maybe Too Much Info for some...

So, I'm Pregnant. Big Surprise, I know.
Well, there are about a million things changing on my body. It's like nothing is the same as it was before. Just a lot of change...

This is all really fun for Damon to talk about...constantly. Then, when I'm in tears, he gets mad saying that I'm being "dramatic".

My POV (point of view): I have no control over what is happening to my body. I constantly worry that my body will not ever be nearly the same as it was. I worry that after the baby he wont be as attracted to me. Sure, there are some pluses to being pregnant--the big boobs. But what about after the pregnancy? What are they going to be like? What's anything going to be like?????

His typical response, "What did you expect? You're pregnant."

Well--nobody can predict how they are going to feel about this kind of stuff. Would I undo this whole pregnancy-thing? No way. I definitely think that no matter what, it's worth it! Me crying about my own self-image issues has nothing to do w/ my excitement about the baby. He just doesnt get that.

He doesnt get anything relating to my body and this pregnancy! So far, we've had these conversations that he thinks are fun or funny, and I end up in tears running to the bathroom to cry. He started the conversation with: "How long after you have the baby before your belly goes down? A few hours or a few days?"
Well, let's uterus, which was once about the size of my fist, is now large enough to store gym equipment. I'm sure it will just deflate like a balloon, dear.
What I should have said: I guess it depends on how many sessions you buy me with a hot, hunky, personal trainer. (You want to make me feel self-conscious...well, two can play that game!)
If I were really hateful...I would have said, "I bet I can get rid of my belly before you get rid of yours" ...Oreo Boy! (he loves Oreos almost as much as he loves me...or quite possibly more!)
....Anyway...he then points out the fact that my nipples dont look like the nipples on the women in this book that we have about child birth. My thought: Thank God! Have you seen those things? They look like Goat Titties!!!
So, what does he say, "God, I hope yours dont get that dark. She looks like she's got black nipples. And look at how far they stick out! That's disgusting!"
While I agree w/ his comments--I'm immediately in tears. Why? Because---what if that DOES happen to me? I cant stop it! I cant keep it from happening! I dont know if it will happen to me or not...but clearly, if it does, I'll be less attractive in his eyes. I'll have disgusting goat-titties!!!!

So, then I cry. Then he says, "Geez. You're so dramatic. I cant talk to you about anything." And I bawl, "You dont understand." And he doesnt.

And then he's sorry that I took everything the wrong way. What kind of jacked up apology is that?
He should be sorry that he made me cry.
He should be sorry that he isnt making the effort to understand my point of view.
He should be sorry that he was so insensitive in the first place.

"I'm sorry you took everything the wrong way." How's that for shifting the blame?

But, alas--he is my husband, and I love him.
And, I have to hope that eventually he'll learn to not be such an ass!



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home