Caught off guard...

Well...so my thoughts this morning, "Since I'm no longer pregnant, and I've generally really enjoyed drinking my coffee in the morning...let's reintroduce my body to that."
Right before I found out that I was pregnant this time, the smell of coffee just made me want to hurl...so I haven't had coffee in about 2 weeks. This morning, I tried it again.

Not sure if that is what caused my puking spell this morning or not.
Whatever the reason---I was huggin' the porcelein god for a while.

That of course was completely traumatic for Gage, who follows me everywhere I go, and unfortunately had to witness "Mommy sick". So Damon got him calmed down & I'm now laying on the couch eating a few crackers & watching some show on the History channel about oceanography & rogue waves.

We were caught off guard...night before last with something that Gage said. Now in the grand scheme of things, I only knew that I was pregnant with this baby for a little over a week before we found out that it had died. During that time, we talked to Gage about the baby, and we just assumed that he didn't grasp the concept or was just not interested.... Anyway...one night, when we didn't know anything bad about this pregnancy....we were on the couch & I asked Gage, "Do you love Mommy?" "mmmm hmmm." "do you love Daddy?" "mmm-hhhmmmm." "Do you love Eddie?" (the dog) "mmmm-hmmm." "do you love the baby?" "mmmm-hmmmm." Somehow the cat got left out of the mix...

But night before last, I asked Gage, "Do you love Mommy?" And he said, "mmm hmmm. and daddy and eddie and baby."
Oh, it just caught us off guard, you know?

But...I just know that he's too young to understand the whole situation...and eventually he'll just forget about the new baby. I mean, he's not even 2 yet...

Today....more bleeding, but less cramping. Puking. No fever...i don't think. I was not sure that the Darvocet was working...until I stopped taking it. Today really is not bad pain-wise, which is surprising to me because the bleeding has increased. But, the cramping really has not been bad today.
I have to take antibiotics to make sure I don't get an infection. That's no biggie. My throat hurts from puking. And I might be getting just a bit snippy from being couped up at home. I doubt I'll be able to convince Mr.Lainey-Paney to go anywhere---and I don't want to take the Darvocet b/c that will eliminate my chances of operating heavy machinery. (damn---no driving the Zambone today....or the lawn mower...yeah, like I planned on pushing that shit...ever. Hide your forklifts ladies & gentlemen---Lainey-Paney's on drugs & she's looking for something to drive!)