4th of July Weekend...Well, the Friday Before...

The 4th of July was a loooong weekend.
On the Friday night before, we went out on the boat with J,J,R&R.
:)

{Now, I promise you (especially you, Mom) that it was NOT as dark in real-life as it appears in these pictures. No, we would not be swimming off the back of the boat at night, in the dark, on a holiday weekend. Remember---the camera is new. I'm still figuring out how to work things. The camera came with this thing called an 'Owners Manual'....but it's really long, and I've been reeeeaally busy, mmmmkay?}






And how did our evening end?
With fireworks, of course.



...if you've never been on the water to see fireworks....well, I'd put it on your bucket list. It's something to do at least once in your life. Maybe it's overrated for some. Not for me. The bright lights in the sky reflecting off the water....it's wonderful. Just wonderful. I love fireworks to begin with, so to see the fireworks and their reflection on the water is just like TWICE the show. It's great.

And some day, I want to see fireworks over the Hudson River.
It may be bigger and better in my mind than it is in reality, but I'd like to be the judge of that.

How To Eat A Cupcake, by: Little Boy, B.

The following series of pictures
really needs no narrative.

Happy Birthday, Baby R!

I know, I know....lots of birthdays for little ones.
What can I say? Our lives are rich with the blessings of friendship!

So, Little R {aka: R2} turned TWO!


He loves Mickey Mouse {"MowMow"...or "MawMaw"....I can hear him say it in my head, but I have no idea how to translate that into the typed word}.

I will happily share some pics of our friends & pics from the party.

Tough Boy, T:


Gage, being super-fly.


Sweet Boy, B!


H, looking super cool in his towel. {I LOVE those hoodie towels!}


E, saying "cheeeeeeeese!"


Baby J!


And NOW, FINALLY, pictures of the birthday boy!



Other pics from the pool party....












The kiddos enjoyed cupcakes & Capri Suns. YUM!











It was a great time!
Happy Birthday, R2!

My Snowdrop Baby....

Little Snowdrop
The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says of our love for you.
~ Author Unknown

Today's my Miss-You-Masyn day.
I don't need a special day to miss all that Masyn would have been. It's just, an anniversary. A date. You know it's coming, and then it's here. You go about your day trying to put it in the back of your mind, but you write down the date, and you know what it means. You can't stop your mind from travelling back in time, and remembering every moment.

Now, while I hate to taint anything relating to Masyn, I feel the need to complain today.
A male coworker entered work today, and announced that his wife is pregnant.
And then he began to b*tch about it.
Really?
And to refer to this child as "The Nuva-Ring Baby" and somewhere in the midst of his bitch-fest he said, "I don't want another baby."
I was rather shocked by my own reaction.
I said nothing.
My eyes did not well up with tears.
Rather, my face {probably red} began to just burn. I felt like I was on fire. I just wanted to scream and tell him that he doesn't deserve a baby!
....and yet, somehow, the next thing that came over me was this weird awareness and self-advice that I wasn't expecting... "This isn't about me. This has nothing to do with me. He has no idea what today is. Getting mad won't bring my baby back." I have no idea how many times I mentally repeated that to myself while I just stared at the computer screen with my back to the gathered "congratulatory" crowd. Finally I snapped to, and got back to work.

I kept busy all day and just avoided the anniversary part of the day. And here I sit, now, blogging about all this. Why? Because I feel compelled to. I feel compelled to somehow acknowledge the day because deep down I feel guilty for my real feelings this year: I just wanted today to come & go. Come & pass quickly. And I feel guilty about that. I know that it's probably a healthy part of the grieving process. I know that it likely means progress in that arena of my life. But, it feels like it should be wrong.

Mom Update!

.............Yes, it's been a while.

But guess what?
We've reached the end.
That's right.
It's really a mixed blessing.
Why?
Well, because Mom didn't get all of her chemos in. They just stopped her treatment. She can't have any more.
See why it's mixed?
On the one hand----WooHoo! We're done. We can move on. She doesn't have to go through this any longer! I'll get my mom back. PawPaw will get his wife back, and hey---she's already getting her hair back!

On the other hand---they stopped her treatment.
They STOPPED her treatment.
That's just....frightening.

Why did they stop her treatment?
Well, remember way back when I mentioned this freaky-deaky-ultra-rare genetic marker that made her hypersensitive to the 5-Fu? Well...that's still there. But that's not the stopper this time. She's now having signs of toxicity to what I call the 'booster' drug that goes with the 5-Fu.

They don't want to keep going with treatment because they don't want the cancer treatment to kill her or leave her disabled.

At this point, she may very well be cancer free. We don't know. We won't know unless it comes back. Did the chemo work? Did going through chemo do its job and decrease mom's chances of having a recurrence? God, we hope so. We don't know, and won't know with any degree of certainty, but we hope so.

Will the signs of toxicity to this booster drug go away? We've asked this question. We asked this at the last oncologist appointment when I was with Mom. "It may get worse before it gets better." Um, yeah, it has. But----maybe this is as bad as its going to get. Or is it? What does "worse" look like? What makes all this go away, other than time? We don't know.

There are so many questions. There are so many unknowns. It's frustrating. It's very easy to take it out on the oncologist & direct your anger and frustration at them, but I just remind myself of a few things: (1) My mom has got some freaky-deaky-ass genes...she's stood on the banks of uncharted territory where few have gone before her w/ regard to all of her "complications" on this journey, and (2)they are just doctors. Doctors. They did not design the human body, nor has any human being totally mastered it. Technology & science can only tell us so much. We are learning more about the human body every day. It was designed by God, not man. We are doing our best to understand it.

So, in the end, I am grateful that this is the end of it. Just grateful. I'm frightened by what it may mean for the future, but any recurrence is not certain. What's that phrase about not worrying about tomorrow? Not borrowing trouble? Clearly those cliches didn't stick with me. I'm somewhat of a worrier.

So, I'm trying to focus on the positive. She's done. She doesn't have to do this any more. She's not going to feel sick all the time. She's going to have more energy. She's fabulous, and she's mine, and I'm getting her back.
:)

Busy Weekend, Party #2: Happy Birthday, B!

Courtney's daughter, B, had a birthday party on the same day at the same time as Aubri, so we hit the first 1/2 of Aubri's party, and then headed to B's party to catch the last bit of her party.

We did all this, and then I had to be at work at 4! It was a busy day!

Pics from B's birthday...






The cake was rainbow inside. It looked so amazing! Way to go, Courtney.
:)







SOMEONE fell asleep in the car on the way from party #1 to party #2, and was not in the partying spirit at B's birthday....


B's party was at a local gymnastics gym, so the kids had a lot of fun!




We weren't there very long, but we were certainly glad we got to go!