Life Is Just So Daily

Monday, July 25, 2011

My Snowdrop Baby....

Little Snowdrop
The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says of our love for you.
~ Author Unknown

Today's my Miss-You-Masyn day.
I don't need a special day to miss all that Masyn would have been. It's just, an anniversary. A date. You know it's coming, and then it's here. You go about your day trying to put it in the back of your mind, but you write down the date, and you know what it means. You can't stop your mind from travelling back in time, and remembering every moment.

Now, while I hate to taint anything relating to Masyn, I feel the need to complain today.
A male coworker entered work today, and announced that his wife is pregnant.
And then he began to b*tch about it.
And to refer to this child as "The Nuva-Ring Baby" and somewhere in the midst of his bitch-fest he said, "I don't want another baby."
I was rather shocked by my own reaction.
I said nothing.
My eyes did not well up with tears.
Rather, my face {probably red} began to just burn. I felt like I was on fire. I just wanted to scream and tell him that he doesn't deserve a baby!
....and yet, somehow, the next thing that came over me was this weird awareness and self-advice that I wasn't expecting... "This isn't about me. This has nothing to do with me. He has no idea what today is. Getting mad won't bring my baby back." I have no idea how many times I mentally repeated that to myself while I just stared at the computer screen with my back to the gathered "congratulatory" crowd. Finally I snapped to, and got back to work.

I kept busy all day and just avoided the anniversary part of the day. And here I sit, now, blogging about all this. Why? Because I feel compelled to. I feel compelled to somehow acknowledge the day because deep down I feel guilty for my real feelings this year: I just wanted today to come & go. Come & pass quickly. And I feel guilty about that. I know that it's probably a healthy part of the grieving process. I know that it likely means progress in that arena of my life. But, it feels like it should be wrong.

Labels: ,


At 6:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymouse said...

I don't think there is a wrong way to do this kind of stuff. The flip side is that there is also never a way that feels quite right either.

DON'T beat yourself up for feeling how you feel. DO eat some ice cream though.

At 5:14 AM , Blogger lisa said...

I think its totally ok to feel that way. My husband always remembers dates while I don't. It's just the different ways we were raised. It took me a while to realize that both ways were ok. And I'm so sorry.....

I think its really sad that your coworker acted that way. Even if it did happen that way why put such a label on a child? Just sad.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home