I reject this reality.

So, today is 10.7.8.

I went for my first mammogram today.
I really went into this with a kind of "going through the motions" mentality...me, complete with my camera even, thinking that I'd document the experience, & maybe do some blog about it since it is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

So...that's how today started out.

I went to the hospital...
...and I checked in, right on time. Did my paperwork, and even got a lovely, one size fits all smock top.



And then it was my turn.

But, maybe I should back up here. Why did I go in to begin with?
Well, about a week before my son's party, I was having some pain in my right breast/axillary area...and then it was painful down my arm. Saw my doctor's partner last Wednesday. Today was the earliest they could get me in for a mammogram. She ordered a unilateral mammogram for the right side.

My doctor, Dr.B faxed new orders for bilateral mammogram & right axillary area. So, we did that. The mammogram of the boobs---not such a big deal. Didn't really hurt as much as I thought it would. The mammogram of my armpit---which, I didn't even know was possible---well, it freakin' hurt. So, after that, they asked me not to leave...and I waited & waited & another lady came back & got me for "more information." I thought that meant that we were going to talk. Apparently in their world---"more information" means more imaging. Apparently my mammogram was abnormal, and warranted further imaging. Not surprising, b/c they warned me at the OB/Gyn's office that I may get an ultrasound of the right axillary area. Well, today they ended up doing ultrasounds of both breasts & both axillary areas, and one side took about 5 minutes. The other side took almost 40 minutes. Let's see....I didn't start to freak out until I was getting my left breast ultrasound & I lost count on the number of "clicks" for pictures at 18. That's when I wanted to cry because I didn't want to be there by myself! Then the sonographer contacted the Radiologist who looked at stuff on her computer somewhere....& then they both came back in & took a look & printed off stuff from the sonographer's ultrasound machine...and then they told me that I could get dressed & leave.

So.........then I call Dr.B's office & left a message for the nurse because...well, it all went from one mammogram & possibly an ultrasound to mammo on both sides & ultrasounds of 4 different areas that took a lot longer, and nobody told me anything, and I was a little freaked out. The nurse at Dr.B's office called me back & said that they (the radiology people) are not allowed to be the ones to give me the results. I told her that the sonographer said "looks good" & then told me that I could get dressed & go. She said that what she meant by "looks good" is that it looks like they got all of the imaging they need for diagnostic purposes. (Thanks, T (Nurse). I was really hoping that "looks good" = "you don't have breast cancer, and have a nice day". Thanks for pissing on that positive outlook I had!) She said that they will usually call Dr. B and/or fax the results within the next 14 days. She said that sometimes they get the results the very next day, but they have up to 14 days to decipher the imaging & report back to Dr.B. So...........that was my morning.
Let's see....I didn't cry while I was there.
I cried on the phone after that. I cried in line at the bank. I cried in the grocery store. And....I'm about done crying. Pink ribbons are everywhere I turn it seems, and right now, they just nauseate me.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they just took so long & so many pictures so that soon they can call me and say, "We know they're real, and they're spec-tac-u-lar!"
(okay...if you're a Seinfeld fan, surely you get this...I tried to find the youtube clip to put here, but...I couldn't find "The Implant" episode...and typing in "Terri Hatcher in the Sauna" doesn't bring up many good things either...so, there you have it!)
If you're not a Seinfeld fan, or have no idea what I'm talking about...then, you should really re-think your ways.

What I really want to hear...
ring ring (that's my telephone)
Hello? (that's me)
"Lainey-Paney?" (Dr.B ...not that he calls me that...)
Yes. Hey, Dr. B (that's me again)
"Good news. You do not have breast cancer. You do not have any cancer of any kind. Apparently the test took so long because your breasts are remarkable, just remarkable! I'm sorry you've been worried. Have a nice day."
Thanks! ker-plunk. (that is me again, and I'm hanging up the phone).
Yes, that's what I want to hear.

I'm pretty much done for today. I've laughed, I've cried, I've gone to the grocery store, bank, and spent some time with my little buddy. I may do some dishes...and I may not. I may just lay my ass in this bed of mine, and get up out of it tomorrow.