Life Is Just So Daily

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

I reject this reality.

So, today is 10.7.8.

I went for my first mammogram today.
I really went into this with a kind of "going through the motions", complete with my camera even, thinking that I'd document the experience, & maybe do some blog about it since it is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

So...that's how today started out.

I went to the hospital...
...and I checked in, right on time. Did my paperwork, and even got a lovely, one size fits all smock top.

And then it was my turn.

But, maybe I should back up here. Why did I go in to begin with?
Well, about a week before my son's party, I was having some pain in my right breast/axillary area...and then it was painful down my arm. Saw my doctor's partner last Wednesday. Today was the earliest they could get me in for a mammogram. She ordered a unilateral mammogram for the right side.

My doctor, Dr.B faxed new orders for bilateral mammogram & right axillary area. So, we did that. The mammogram of the boobs---not such a big deal. Didn't really hurt as much as I thought it would. The mammogram of my armpit---which, I didn't even know was possible---well, it freakin' hurt. So, after that, they asked me not to leave...and I waited & waited & another lady came back & got me for "more information." I thought that meant that we were going to talk. Apparently in their world---"more information" means more imaging. Apparently my mammogram was abnormal, and warranted further imaging. Not surprising, b/c they warned me at the OB/Gyn's office that I may get an ultrasound of the right axillary area. Well, today they ended up doing ultrasounds of both breasts & both axillary areas, and one side took about 5 minutes. The other side took almost 40 minutes. Let's see....I didn't start to freak out until I was getting my left breast ultrasound & I lost count on the number of "clicks" for pictures at 18. That's when I wanted to cry because I didn't want to be there by myself! Then the sonographer contacted the Radiologist who looked at stuff on her computer somewhere....& then they both came back in & took a look & printed off stuff from the sonographer's ultrasound machine...and then they told me that I could get dressed & leave.

So.........then I call Dr.B's office & left a message for the nurse because...well, it all went from one mammogram & possibly an ultrasound to mammo on both sides & ultrasounds of 4 different areas that took a lot longer, and nobody told me anything, and I was a little freaked out. The nurse at Dr.B's office called me back & said that they (the radiology people) are not allowed to be the ones to give me the results. I told her that the sonographer said "looks good" & then told me that I could get dressed & go. She said that what she meant by "looks good" is that it looks like they got all of the imaging they need for diagnostic purposes. (Thanks, T (Nurse). I was really hoping that "looks good" = "you don't have breast cancer, and have a nice day". Thanks for pissing on that positive outlook I had!) She said that they will usually call Dr. B and/or fax the results within the next 14 days. She said that sometimes they get the results the very next day, but they have up to 14 days to decipher the imaging & report back to Dr.B. So...........that was my morning.
Let's see....I didn't cry while I was there.
I cried on the phone after that. I cried in line at the bank. I cried in the grocery store. And....I'm about done crying. Pink ribbons are everywhere I turn it seems, and right now, they just nauseate me.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they just took so long & so many pictures so that soon they can call me and say, "We know they're real, and they're spec-tac-u-lar!"
(okay...if you're a Seinfeld fan, surely you get this...I tried to find the youtube clip to put here, but...I couldn't find "The Implant" episode...and typing in "Terri Hatcher in the Sauna" doesn't bring up many good things, there you have it!)
If you're not a Seinfeld fan, or have no idea what I'm talking about...then, you should really re-think your ways.

What I really want to hear...
ring ring (that's my telephone)
Hello? (that's me)
"Lainey-Paney?" (Dr.B ...not that he calls me that...)
Yes. Hey, Dr. B (that's me again)
"Good news. You do not have breast cancer. You do not have any cancer of any kind. Apparently the test took so long because your breasts are remarkable, just remarkable! I'm sorry you've been worried. Have a nice day."
Thanks! ker-plunk. (that is me again, and I'm hanging up the phone).
Yes, that's what I want to hear.

I'm pretty much done for today. I've laughed, I've cried, I've gone to the grocery store, bank, and spent some time with my little buddy. I may do some dishes...and I may not. I may just lay my ass in this bed of mine, and get up out of it tomorrow.


At 2:44 PM , Blogger Jenster said...

(Please ignore the avatar)

So many thoughts rolling through my head - all of them good for you, bad for the medical staff.

1. Most cancers of the breast do not hurt. Pain is nearly always indicative of a benign change of some type.

2. I can't believe they didn't plan on a bilateral mammogram and ultrasound from the very beginning. That's just standard protocol and I'm guessing the doctor just didn't realize that. Reason being is the radiologists and whoever else likes to have a comparison mammo - especially since you're young and this is your first.

3. You may have to wait 14 days??? That's the most ridiculous thing I've EVER heard and I'm very, very, extremely angry for you!!! Because the waiting is the WORST part.

4. I actually have a life so I knew right away what "they're real and they're fabulous" was. lol

5. Your chances of having a malignancy are pretty slim for a lot of reasons. Mostly just by the fact that most lumps abnormal boob things are benign. So that's good.

6. You look really cute in your little gown thingy.

7. Let me know if you have any questions. ANY questions. Like how to make a kickin' mojito or my opinion of Target, K-Mart and Walmart or anything at all.


At 2:48 PM , Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

jenster: the right side (painful side) was not the side they focused on after the initial mammogram. That's what is so bizarro. And, I saw the mammo pics right after the mammo. My right side & left side just look different. One looks...I dunno darker, and the other looks whiter. Does that make sense???

At 3:05 PM , Blogger Sarah said...

Especially after everything you and your beautiful family have been through this year, I'll be praying that the results are good. I can't believe they are making you wait that long though.... doesn't seem right at all. Best of luck.

At 3:08 PM , Blogger kim-d said...

I think all of that is just cruel and somebody, somewhere in that medical community of yours around there needs to rethink THEIR ways when it comes to "bedside manner." They put you through all of that and don't tell you anything other than you might have to wait up to 14 days for any real information? That is nonsense. You tell them I DO NOT approve of the way they're treating you! I'm sure that'll help :).

On the other hand, I would think that if anything was wrong they would let you know right away, so the non-information could be a good thing. I say that, for now, go with the "no news is good news" school of thought.

And of course they are real and they are SPECtacular :)! And they are going to stay that way. I said.

Good thoughts from me to you...

At 3:27 PM , Blogger Aubs said...

So sorry to hear you had to go through all of this....i will be praying for good results and that you hear something soon. Sending lots of hugs your way....


At 3:28 PM , Blogger Beth said...

awwww Hon....sending hugs your way. squishing The Girls is no fun...esp. when they totally freak you out while doing it!!! I'm sure you are FINE...and I mean FINE in every way!

Cute pic of you in the mirror too!

Stay in bed,...get out tomorrow and eat chocolate for breakfast.

At 4:26 PM , Blogger Phillips Family said...

I vote "Stay in bed."

I had a breast lump scare a few years ago and it was the longest 3 weeks of my life.

Hope they call ASAP with news.

At 6:02 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe, in Jesus name, that you do not, will not, ever, ever, ever, ever have breast cancer! That's it and I'm not taking it back! You are healthy and whole! How's that for encouragement! Take care girly!


At 6:48 PM , Blogger Elaine said...

praying for good results. and i'm sure your breasts are lovely! :)

At 7:06 PM , Blogger lisa said...

I have banned myself from going to Web-MD. I just won’t let myself do it. I’ll go look up something thinking I have a sinus infection and leave just knowing that I have the west nile virus. Maybe it’s just like that. Something small like a sinus infection . . . in the tatta. I’ll be thinking about ya and sending you hugs and prayers.

At 7:16 PM , Blogger Kate said...

So scary and frustrating--two weeks, seriously? I had a lump 3 years ago and it was so hard to wait to hear. I'm hoping and praying that your outcome is as good as mine was.

That is one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes! And I agree that you should eat chocolate. Lots of it.

At 7:30 PM , Blogger Pregnantly Plump said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that by yourself. I think I would have been in tears by the end.
I will be praying that it really IS nothing and that you hear back very soon.
One of my friends got a call after a mammogram that she had to go in for an ultrasound. She had to wait a couple of days for the results, but her breasts were apparently just very dense (not dumb!) and fibrous.
I totally got the Seinfeld reference, definitely one of my favorite episodes.

At 7:51 PM , Blogger Papa Bradstein said...

Ugh. Hang in there, and know that you're in our thoughts and in our hearts.

At 6:09 AM , Blogger Zephra said...

14 days is just cruel. That being said, if it were serious, I would think they would call right away. There are so many strange lumps and other weird things in our boobs. I would say don't worry until you know for sure but that would be crazy.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

At 6:16 AM , Blogger Laura said...

Oh thank God.


At 7:05 AM , Blogger Sugar and Ice said...

I hope the time passes quickly so you can get those results and start to feel more at ease!

At 7:08 AM , Blogger Jiff said...

AAAHHHH!!!! I hate the waiting!! It's like they forget you are a REAL PERSON and not just a medical record number. I agree with the "no news is good news" thing for now.

But if something bad does happen...well, try to rest assured that there are TONS of things that can be done now. My stepmom just had a double mastectomy and then reconstructive surgery. Of course, she's in her 60s... so I told her that she just got the size boobs she wanted and they're perky and perfect!! heheh. She loves it.

My thoughts are with you.. and if I know anyone who does voodoo, I'll ask for a hex for the meanie pants who take too long to get back to you!

At 7:35 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I tell you that you are very brave to share this with us? I think the reason they did so many imaging was to make they can give you better results. I was just at a breast ultrasound with my mom and they clicked away like crazy and all it was was a tiny cyst. I know its easier said than done but don't worry. Try not to worry or think the worse.

On of the ladies who works with me, has a daughter in-law who just had a cyst removed from the underarm area, she went through the same thing and had it removed with an in office procedure. She's doing better.

BIG HUG! I'll keep you in my prayers and send positive thoughts your way. Love ya!

At 10:07 AM , Blogger Valerie said...

keeping you in my thoughts. I hope you get the results sooner than 14 days.

At 12:03 PM , Blogger Suzanne said...

I think they error on the side of caution with that many pics, and you are surely just fine. Prayers for you. Sorry you had to experience this, especially alone.

At 12:50 PM , Blogger Judy said...

The waiting part is the most excrutiating, isn't it? That is just wrong that "they" (those medical peeps) leave us hanging like this, over and over!

(((HUGS))) to you - keep us posted...I'm sending postive thoughts and prayers your way.

At 2:19 PM , Blogger Bonnie said...

I just had a mammogram the other week. My first as well. Wasn't as bad as I thought but they do their best to squish it all together in there, don't they.

Keep your spirits up. No use looking down that road until you have some news. Otherwise, it will just drive you crazy.

At 10:10 PM , Blogger Zephra said...

Still thinking of you.

At 6:07 AM , Blogger Burgh Baby said...

So, that sounds like just about as much fun as you can have in one day. Oye!

I'm glad it all turned out OK, and I really wish you wouldn't have had to endure all that stress. Take care!

At 8:12 AM , Blogger river's mommy said...

Lainey Paney,

I am praying so hard for you right now.

I have never heard of it taking so long! Maybe they come much faster but they want to make sure that they leave a cushion of time just in case.

I will keep watching your blog for the results!

At 6:10 PM , Blogger Mummy M said...

I'll be thinking of you. I am sure everything will be just fine.


At 9:15 AM , Blogger Robin said...

I'm prayin' everything will be just fine! I can't imagine getting my boobs squished considering well...nevermind..let's just say there big...too big....(just had to add that in for a laugh..nevermind) :)


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