Big Announcement........
So...today I'm going to blog about something that I haven't blogged about before.
It's something that has been going on in my world, and it's something that I'm struggling with.
Many people close to me know about it b/c we've discussed it....but I've never mentioned it here....until now.
Last night, my dad informed me that he proposed to his "girlfriend", R* (I am not going to type out her name & all that jazz....we'll just refer to her as "R*")
He only met her in June.
She's SEVEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.
She turned 23 in June, and I turned 30 in June.
Gross.
There are just a lot of concerns I have for my Dad.
I am concerned about her pulling some Anna Nicole Smith shit, and marrying him for his money. I am concerned that after some period of time she'll leave him, take his life savings, and he'll wind up old, alone, and penniless!
So, of course I mentioned "pre-nup" to my Dad, and he agrees that it is in his best interest financially.
I don't want to sound greedy about that. I don't care about any future inheritance I may or may not get. That's not what this is about. I see old people all of the time who can't afford to be old. I don't want to see my dad in that same boat after working hard his whole life.
On the other hand......
I would hate for her to come into this situation believing that I hate her.
I don't hate her. I don't even freakin' know her!
I do however question her intentions.
It's not that I think my father isn't worthy of love. I simply question what they could POSSIBLY have in common!
Anyway....I was trying to lay out my positive take on this situation:
---he won't grow old alone (oh wait, he'll grow old, and she'll be like...30).
---the more people that love my father, the better.
And maybe it's because of my job...where I work...I dunno.
I have this warped way of looking at things sometimes...but I think: what if he were in some horrible accident, and then all of his medical decisions were left in her hands, and she didn't even call me! What if he never puts it in writing about his advanced directives & she just yells "pull the plug!" before I could ever even get to him!
So, I have these sick & twisted thoughts, and then I feel just horrible.
I don't even know this girl (yes, I did just refer to her as a "girl." I can. I'm her senior!).
Anyway...I don't even know her & I am making assumptions about her, her personality, and predicting future actions, and that is completely unfair of me. It's judgemental, and I wouldn't want to be judged this way....
...but I can't seem to stop myself.
This is my life.
It is what it is.
My dad's going to marry a 23 year old that I've never even met, and I'm not ready to meet her yet.
I'll puke in my own mouth if I see her kiss him. I just will.
I'm not ready to see this stuff with my own eyes yet.
But, maybe I'll love her.
Maybe she'll be great.
She's already told my Dad that she hopes she & I "will be the best of friends!"
Labels: R*
posted by Lainey-Paney @ 10:27 AM
24 Comments:
Ok, so when I saw big announcement that it not what I was thinking. Also, I have no advice. None. Except for everything you have said seems perfectly reasonable to me. I think you should talk about your concerns with your Dad. Maybe not about her intentions, but the other stuff which certainly concerns you. And he said he thought a pre-nup was a good idea . . . that’s got to be good news right?
I don't think you and this "girl" will ever be "the best of friends" and I think it's natural (and right) for you to question her motives.
Yes, it's wonderful that he is loved (true love??) but even better that he agrees a pre-nup is in order.
Best of luck with this situation.
Everything you say - and are thinking - makes perfect sense to me.
My first thought was, "Wow, and will they consider having children?" Girl, you could have some siblings from this - is your dad ready to be a dad to little kids again - for a long, long time? Or, is she willing to not have children? I dunno - there's no way my dad would EVER consider having more children - not at his age, not for anyone.
Wow, how weird to think Gage could conceivably have an aunt or uncle (or several) that are YOUNGER than him. Wow.
Well, I know how hard this has been for you. I can't imagine...I just can't. My dad is married to a hooker and that's another story for another day but I just would completely feel the same way you do about it all. From everything you have told me I would question motives too because you didn't even mention about where she currently lives. Anyway, I hope that this doesn't stress you out too much. Take a deep breath. Advance directives...another wise decision...talk him into that one!!!
WOW!
I'm sorry you have to go through this but I have to say that everything you say you feel, I'd feel too. You are not a bad person because of it. I think you should make your feelings known to your father rationally and in a calm voice. Don't refer to her as anything other than sweetness and light however hard that may be. Pre-nup, advance directives, all very good things that you should talk about with him.
23? 23? They just don't have anything in common.... Sorry, I know that is an afterthought but, *shudder*... I feel bad for you!
I have no advice either but I understand where you are coming from. It is weird and I would question her motives too.
But then again, maybe she really does love him.
I could not start to understand what you are dealing with - it just seems so stressful...I doubt you will ever be "best of friends" with this girl...but try to have an open mind...and at the same time have your father address your issues. You have every right to be fearful...good luck. HUGS and SUPPORT
it's a good thing you are such a avid blogger, so that you can get all this stuff off your chest. keep doin' it. and let me know if you need advice...my grandfather did the same exact thing so i know how you feel....kind of.
hang in there. m.
Ok, I don't mean to sound judgemental, but that's just disgusting! I'm sure your dad is a lovely person, but COME ON!! I'm assuming he's what, 50 or so? I am 24 years old. The thought of being with someone my father's age makes me nauseated!
I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope that your dad makes some decisions that you can be comfortable with. Do you see him much? Sorry...too many questions!
I'll be thinking about you! Keep us posted!
Maybe she'll be great and be just like the . . . um . . . uh . . . little sister you never had? OYE! I can totally understand how that would be a freak-out kind of thing. Good luck with it all and make sure to take care of yourself. Ugh.
*hugs*
i already want to punch her. maybe she's all homely looking or something and then you will really believe she loves your dad.
ewwww
no
how did they even meet
not okay
Oh, Lainey, OY. Okay. I'm gonna be 52 in a couple of months, and I've been around the block a few times. How old is your Dad? Right now, I feel really bad for him. He must be so lonely. I know what it's like, since my husband died 7 years ago, but it's when we're at our most vulnerable that we have to be our most careful. Ya know? I am VERY HAPPY to hear that he has enough perspective to have a pre-nup. But I don't think he should be having the reason for the pre-nup, if ya know what I mean. Is there any way you can talk to him about this? Calmly, rationally, and keeping him, as a person rather than your Dad, in mind? There are some people that, while fine to hang out with for a time, should not become permanent fixtures. One needs to know the difference. At the very least, you must try to convince him to have a VERY LONG engagement. Oh. And best of friends? My ass. You need to find out all you can about her, because I think something is amiss. Not that your Dad isn't 100% lovable, because from what you've written, I think he sounds terrific. But this just doesn't add up to "forever" if ya know what I mean. DON'T let him mistake love for lust or whatever. And I know...yuck, gross...it's your Dad. But it's the facts, so...
Wow, I think your feelings are justified. You are worried about your dad.
My father is engaged to his girlfreind but they are close in age. I still have worries, especially about the medical issues but I am still his DPOA, but maybe she wouldn't call me right away.
It is nice though that he has someone to spend time with.
I hope that R's intentions are honest.
Ack! I don't blame you for having some reservations. And I am sorry you are having to deal with this. What a situation. I do hope that you guys can be friends and that she does love him and have his best interests at heart. Keep an open mind and heart for her and get to know her.
And definitely try to talk him into the pre-nup and directives etc. important.
Gage is going to have the youngest grandma ever...eeeks!
Wow...I also don't have any advice for you on this one! Her statement about wanting to be the best of friends ever is either her attempt to really make your dad feel like she wants to accept his kids or her NAIVE side coming out because she is 23!!! Love works in mysterious ways, but honestly 23????
I think all of your concerns are completely valid. They can't possibly have much in common, but who knows huh! I'm glad you brought up the pre-nup...I'm not a big fan of them in "normal" marriages, but you know what in this case it's necessary. Like you said what if she took half of what your dad had worked his whole life for...it's not like he can go back out and work again to earn that all back!
And the comment above mine about Gage having the youngest grandma ever...OH MY GOD! I didn't think it could get worse till I read that! YIKES!!! Ask her how she feels about being a GRANDMA at 23...maybe she will run in the other direction!
ha! i like angie's comment about her being a grandma...she might just run away!
your thoughts are perfectly normal. my dad is almost fifty and has always had younger women. i don't really communicate with him, so it doesn't bother me much. i still hate it, though!
Yikes! I can see why this situation would make you uncomfortable. It is weird and creepy.
we do have similar stories....you know what's even more strange?? we were going to name ours mason if it was a boy and masyn if it was a girl.
Ugh. That sounds like a bad situation and you're doing a good job of dealing with it.
I'm agreeing that maybe selling the "grandma" angle might shake some sense into this girl. ;)
Oh My God...I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I don't think there is an easy way to deal with any of this. I would feel exactly the same about her age, the need for a pre-nup and bottom line the medical decisions. I think the last one is the one that troubles me the most. Talk to your dad about your concerns. He can give you power of attorney for something like that. If she is in love with your dad this will not phase her. She has to understands that.Just be direct with her when you meet her. Your the daughter and she has to respect you. If anyone should feel uncomfortable in the meeting it should be her not you...it's your dad and you have every right to look out for him. Good Luck! xoxo
Wow, I know I don't know much about you, but I wanted to send you support. I think you have every right to feel the way that you do..I know I would. I hope everything works out for the best and it turns out to be a good thing rather than a weird/bad thing.
Ummm, yuck! Not for your dad, but just the situation in general. And BFs? I'm thinking no.
I can't imagine how you must feel. It's got to be a really odd situation. Odd's not the right word. I think your feelings are perfectly justified. I also hope that she's nice enough and that they never kiss in front of you. Maybe it'll be a quick Justice of the Peace thing with just the two of them.
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