FMLA form....what's so hard about it?

I have to vent about my OB's office for a moment. I have an FMLA form to be completed in future tense for when I'm off on maternity leave. It's a fill in the blank form for me to turn into HR so that they can verify that I meet FMLA guidelines, so that I can get my 12 weeks off to care for the baby. It's a one page, one sided form. It's not hard!!!!

Okay...tell me if this makes sense...
These questions are all pulled from the form:

Is patient unable to work? No (NOTE THE DOUBLE NEGATIVE...meaning I can work.)
Is inpatient hospitalization required? Yes
Is the employee able to perform work of any kind? No
Is the employee able to perform the essential functions of his/her position? Yes

Okay...talked to dr on Wednesday about this form. He is supposed to fill this out in future tense...for when I actually have the baby & am away on maternity leave.
Well, his partner filled it out & faxed it to me w/ those answers.

WTF? Can you decide if I'm able to work or not? I mean, I work in a hospital myself, so apparently I am just supposed to go to L&D--whip out this kid & then return to work within a few hours--you know, since according to this form, I will be able to perform the essential functions of my position...like walking, talking, writing, typing, & using my brain to think.

Ugh.
I'm so frustrated.
I asked MY doctor to fill this out, and even provided a 2nd copy w/ all of the correct answers (as outlined by our HR lady) as a guide.
The way it's filled out now--I dont seem to meet FMLA guidelines since his partner doesnt see any reason for me to miss work.

So, if I were a prostitute or porn star, and couldnt use that region to perform the essential tasks of my position--maybe then I'd get the 12 weeks off.
Damon has nipples--maybe we'll find a way to milk him for the baby....you know, so I dont miss any work.


WWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF??????????
I'm so frustrated.

sorry if I got to graphic for anyone.

I'm not turning this form in. They can suck it.
When I go back to the doctor, I'm taking them another form. I find these answers unacceptable.