Life Is Just So Daily

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Any Rec's????

Anyone done "Love and Logic" with a toddler??

Any suggestions from anyone about discipline tactics, reading materials, etc. for the toddler years????

Let me tell you: my child does not share well with others, especially on his home turf.
After removing my child from the room today during a playdate...I said to Gage, "If you don't share your toys with the other children, they aren't going to want to play with you. They'll want to just go home."

His response, "I want 'em to just go home and leave my toys alone!"

He'd rather just play with me. He'd rather not have friends over. He'd rather not share.
What is this???????????????
But, yesterday, he & Aubri played here nicely. I don't get it.
My child does NOT like to share.

We've got to work on this every day.

But, I must say: my mommy friends were super troopers for sticking it out for a while, allowing us our teaching moments, and showing Gage that they can share, and their babies can share...etc.

If I don't address this now---I won't be doing him any favors in the long run, right? I mean, I don't want him to show up to kindergarten & not have any friends b/c he's a greedy-gut. Yes, I know that toddlers are going to go through the "Miiiiine" phase. This is more than the "miiiiiiiiiiiiine" phase. All 4 of us today agree that clearly my child has a problem with sharing, particularly here in his home.

I'm ready for naptime.


At 2:29 PM , Blogger Laura said...

poor you...just keep trying and putting him into envoronments where he has to is the only (good) moms will always understand and support you.

I try not to use the work SHARE - to a toddler share means " I loose my toy". We try to say "Your toy turn...his toy turn" or "we are all playing with the toys and your friend X would like to play with this toy, how about you play with this other toy"/ Stuff like that.

One trick I do is keep a egg timer on hand - when there is an issue with the toy I get everyone to agree to set the timer for 4 minutes and then the next person will get the toy...usually they loose interest by then.

I also do the companion toy trick. It goes like this:
"DJ, your friend wants to play with your red truck. That is an awesome truck that Grandpa bought you...can you find another toy grandpa bought you...OR ... can you find the big blue truck and you and friend X can have races."

Toddler stage is such a rough stage. My guys are 18 months, 3 years and 4 years and we still have issues now and then... but you have to keep trying.

OH - another trick BEFORE the play date is to have Gage go through his toys and go put special toys he does not want to let his friends play with away. We put a bin in a room that kids are not allowed in (parents bedroom or dining room) and my kids can fill it with off limit toys. It gives them a sense of control and protection.

Hope those help...but the best advice I ever got is not to give up...keep exposing him to chances to learn to share.


At 2:46 PM , Blogger Judy said...

Laura's last tip was the one I was going to say - have him choose a few toys that are off-limits to others, and those go in a special place to be played with after everyone leaves. He knows they are there, he knows he'll get to play with them later, but for now, he's playing with his friends.

And, I agree - just keep at it - it will get better.

At 3:43 PM , Blogger Zephra said...

If he is still like that by kindergarten, the kids will shun him and he will learn to change quick.

He is an only child and that does tend to make it harder for them to learn the share thing but every kids does it. Mine has to be constantly reminded and watched. He is even worse with things that used to be his that I gave to others. If he sees it, he wants it back period.

At 6:16 PM , Blogger Bonnie said...

I have used the timer trick before when Jack was younger and having sharing issues. It worked really well even though he asked very 10 seconds if time was up. I think Gage will also grow out of it as he starts to enjoy playing with others rather than just beside them.

At 7:11 PM , Blogger Reason to Rejoice! said...

Well, I am reading "The Happiest Toddler On the Block." I am not very far into it. I can't handle the temper tantrums....this has been going on BAD lately. I have a tendency to remove myself from the scene because I get so frustrated with her. Anyway, I have heard this book is good. Right now it is talking about how toddler's minds work and what they actually hear when we say things to them that make perfect sense to adults. I will let you know how the book is. Just think...this too shall pass but you are right, I think that teaching them good habits, limits, and respect when they are this age will pay off in the long run. May the force be with you, my friend!

At 7:18 PM , Blogger Chas said...

None of them like to share at that age. Lila can be pretty selfish as well. Usually when she acts that way I tell her just what you told him. I also tell her to either share or she doesn't get to play with it anymore either. If she doesn't share, I remove it from her possession...for a while at least.

At 8:16 PM , Blogger Mojavi said...

hey- I belong to many playgroups and it is always the hardest on the kid who is hosting. Every kid I know melts when kids are in his house playing with thier toys. It is totally normal.
And if a mother doesn't agree they might not host many playdates...

At 8:41 PM , Blogger Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Aw. Try not to worry about it too much. 3 out of my 4 have been exactly like that. And it took the whole of the toddler and preschool years to work through it. Try not to get embarrassed or upset with him about it, totally gets the opposite result of what you want.
We did a number of things. We had a few special toys that they were not expected to share. They were put away when friends came to play.
Oh!Laura said the same thing:)
Her suggestions are great.
But really-totally normal and just takes time and patience to get through.
Sorry I haven't been by this week. Life is crazy and my google reader is up to 700 again! ack!
take care, see you soon.

At 8:52 PM , Blogger Tracey said...

ALL kids his age have issues sharing, especially on their own turf and ESPECIALLY when it's more than one friend at a time.

My recommendation? Make the playdates smaller and shorter. And more frequent. He will then remember that last time he shared and he still had his toys when his friend left.

Also, you can try having playdates OUTSIDE instead. It's much easier to share your swingset and slide than action figures and cuddly toys.

Don't forget that special toys shouldn't be forcibly shared. Just put them away and let him know that he can't play with them either, but that no one will touch his special stuff.

Little kids have no control over their lives, really. I can completely understand the frustration they must feel when they put down something they treasure, only to find another kid whacking it on the floor! Can you imagine some friend coming over and going through your closet, stomping around in your shoes and trying on your favorite pants even though they're too small for her?


At 7:58 AM , Blogger Steph said...

That is tough, but I think if you keep trying and working on it, it will get better. He will realize that they aren't going to take his toys away for good, just play with them.

Seth has a hard time sharing his own toys with his sister and there are plenty of times when he is screaming crying over it. I think it is the age, but it will work out.

At 8:10 AM , Blogger Pregnantly Plump said...

I'll have to remember some of this advice. I was actually going to do a similar post today about Little Elvis. I can't reason with him yet, though.

At 8:33 AM , Blogger Aubs said...

Oh how i feel your pain on this issue! Brayden has a huge problem with sharing so i have actually really enjoyed reading all the comments here. I really believe alot of it is the age and that we just have to stick with talking them through it and working with them on it. Good luck and hang in there!

At 9:50 AM , Blogger Cheffie-Mom said...

My kids are 14 and 23 and I can tell you that all moms go through this. It is totally normal and he will outgrow it!

At 6:45 PM , Blogger ~melinda~ said...

in my house, we have ME FIRST days. when it's your ME FIRST day, you get to pick the coveted barbie first. you get to pick the booth at mcdonalds. whatever. it works both ways: first to get a shot or teeth cleaned, too!!

the rule is, when you have a ME FIRST day, guests get to trump you. they get to do it Because They are THE GUEST and you are not. and i pray like mad that their mothers hear me tell my kids this (i say it so they can hear, plus they all know this is how i roll!) and it's payback time when my girls go play at their houses!!

At 9:01 PM , Blogger Carrie said...

Ditto what everybody else has said... I did read 'Love and Logic' and I got some useful stuff out of it.

My kids willingly (almost to a fault...) share with other kids, but refuse to share with each other!

At 6:29 AM , Blogger Not So Perfect said...

whew....thank God we are not the ONLY ones. It seems everyone elses kid shares just fine but NOT mine.

I have the Love & Logic cds. I really liked them and found them useful.

OMG you have some smart ladies who read your blog, you got some great advice. I just might have to steal some of it.


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