Life Is Just So Daily

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Shituffins.

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Just when you think you've reached the time when you can dart out of the house with your 2 year old, and one Pull-up tucked in your purse...THINK AGAIN.

Back up a bit: you have a newborn. You are convinced that you cannot leave the house without the diaper bag stuffed with pacifiers, bottles, formula (in case you need it), a plug in bottle warmer, wipes, toys (because you know---they can't see anything that isn't right in front of them, and heaven forbid they get bored), antibacterial hand gel in case someone wants to hold your baby, extra blankets in case there is a draft wherever you are going, 4 or 5 changes of outfits, disposable nursing pads, tampons (because you never know when your period is going to start again), a CD of classical music to make them smart, the car seat, a piddle pad, the baby sling, and I'm sure there's something that's been forgotten....

Then your child gets a little bigger, and the bag gets a little lighter.

Then your child turns 2, and you mistakenly think you can leave the house with just a Pull-up tucked into your purse. After all, the pooping usually occurs at X time during the day, and you'll be home before then---right?

You are so very freakin' wrong.

Today: today we went to the tax lady, signed our paperwork, e-filed & paid for her services. After that, trip to the post office to return the netflix movies. Out of the mouth of babes: "I'll have a haircut, please." [how CUTE is that???] So, we zipped into a SuperCuts & got Gage's haircut. It's VERY cute. And just think---not so long ago we were having it buzzed off. Now, it's grown long enough to warrant a trim. Anyway....after that, we headed back home to the neighborhood. Gage wanted to play with Aubri, so I called Tera & we stopped by. All the while, we had tentative lunch plans to eat with Mark. He's Hubby's best friend, in from Atlanta. Hubby was meeting with clients around lunchtime, so he had to ditch Mark for lunch, and so Gage & I were going as substitute lunch partners. Anyway....we stop by Tera's. She made muffins. She offered us one. I had a muffin, and Gage of course wanted a "puffin too!" So, he get his own muffin....eats it....but then it's time for us to leave & meet Mark for lunch. We go to Chili's eat...have a great lunch with Mark. Change Pull-Up, and head to the park to meet Tera & Aubri for a little afternoon play since we were only at their house for about 20 minutes earlier in the day. We're at the park....we're playing....Gage toots, it's stinky, no biggie. About 10 minutes before we were going to leave, Gage comes over to me & Tera & shows us his dirty hands. They look like they are covered in chocolate fudge. WHAT THE....???? Being the Sherlock Holmes that I am, I smelled his hands. What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn't I investigate in other ways??? Yes, his hands smelled like shit. They looked like they were covered in shit. Low & Behold: it's shit. Up his back. Down his legs. All over his hands. And there I stand with a lone Pull-Up left, no wipes, no change of clothes, and now, we're both covered in shit. Tera's laughing so hard, she can barely tell me that it must have been the muffins. "Shituffins" as we now call them. They were some "Super-Fiber" muffin mix that she added cranberries to. They were delicious, but holy cow. Clearly, Gage needs NO FIBER MUFFINS in the future. So, Tera had wipes. I used every last one of them, and still couldn't get all of the poop off. I stripped Gage down & wiped him up as best I could. Threw one of Aubri's diapers on him, and drove us home.
As I am blogging, he is in the tub. We've already scrubbed the poo from his lower half & really scrubbed his hands & fingernails. Gross. Gross. Gross.

Never again will Tera offer my child a Shituffin. (she agreed!)
Never again will I leave the house underprepared for such an event.

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19 Comments:

At 2:14 PM , Blogger Judy said...

Please please please do not think I am laughing AT you, but ohmygoodness!!!! Bwahahahahaha!!! Thank you for the smile you've given me today...I totally can relate to fiber-enriched foods in a toddler!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 
At 4:48 PM , Blogger Misguided Mommy said...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhawhawhawhawhaw haw

 
At 5:05 PM , Blogger Pregnantly Plump said...

That is so funny! The warning is nice, though. Because we make fiber rich muffins for Little Elvis fairly often. Guess we'll need to cut back on those as we near potty training time.

 
At 5:28 PM , Blogger *~Sarah Lynn~* said...

Haha! I'll remember that for when I have kids someday. No FIBER! Hehe! Thanks for the chuckle!

 
At 6:07 PM , Blogger Christy said...

GROSS. I always carry my diaper bag, THANK GOD!

 
At 6:19 PM , Blogger Zephra said...

I would comment with something meaningful but I am too busy laughing at your misery.

 
At 6:50 PM , Blogger Elaine said...

you are too funny. i would have DIED

 
At 10:25 PM , Blogger Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Oh yuck! So been there. So many times. You would think I would have learned after the first kid, but apparently I need to let them each do that to me.

Poor you!

 
At 3:55 AM , Blogger Beth said...

I just spit out my oatmeal!!! LOL!!! sorry! That is so funny! Just when you think you're safe....the shituffin strikes again.....and then you had the nerve to SMELL his hands! EEEWWWWW!!!!

Funny, but EEEWWWWWWW!!!!

 
At 12:37 PM , Blogger Erin said...

We're not laughing AT you, Lainey! We're laughing WITH you!

I will make sure not to over-fiber my children, lest I get caught short.

 
At 7:03 PM , Blogger Life is Wonderful said...

That was a funny story..sorry it had to happen to you for you to tell it...: )

 
At 7:28 PM , Blogger MereCat said...

Holy crap!

 
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At 11:53 AM , Blogger Maria said...

These made me shudder with recognition. Because I remember SO many times when I should have known better with Liv and just....didn't.

She had a tendency to get diarrhea whenever we did anything new and so I spent an incredible amount of time lugging around pull ups and wipes even when she was too old for both.

 
At 7:25 PM , Blogger ~love said...

you two are seriously hilarious. i need you in my real life. = )

 
At 4:11 AM , Blogger Laura said...

OMG - I am snorting!!!!

At least he is all cleaned out!!!!!

 
At 5:39 AM , Blogger Pokey Puppy said...

lol.. in case that ever happened i had a change of clothes and two pullups in a gallon zippy bag in my trunk. Then you dont have to cary it with but just in case (lolololololol) you have it!

 
At 12:09 PM , Blogger Jeninacide said...

OMG I LOVE IT!! LOL!! Hahaha!! Poor Gage!

I will totally remember this story when Cole gets bigger!

 
At 6:29 PM , Blogger angie said...

Oh my gosh I'm sorry but I must laugh here!! I can just see you leaning down to smell his hands and then thinking what the hell!! Poor little Gage!!

 

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