Shituffins.

Just when you think you've reached the time when you can dart out of the house with your 2 year old, and one Pull-up tucked in your purse...THINK AGAIN.

Back up a bit: you have a newborn. You are convinced that you cannot leave the house without the diaper bag stuffed with pacifiers, bottles, formula (in case you need it), a plug in bottle warmer, wipes, toys (because you know---they can't see anything that isn't right in front of them, and heaven forbid they get bored), antibacterial hand gel in case someone wants to hold your baby, extra blankets in case there is a draft wherever you are going, 4 or 5 changes of outfits, disposable nursing pads, tampons (because you never know when your period is going to start again), a CD of classical music to make them smart, the car seat, a piddle pad, the baby sling, and I'm sure there's something that's been forgotten....

Then your child gets a little bigger, and the bag gets a little lighter.

Then your child turns 2, and you mistakenly think you can leave the house with just a Pull-up tucked into your purse. After all, the pooping usually occurs at X time during the day, and you'll be home before then---right?

You are so very freakin' wrong.

Today: today we went to the tax lady, signed our paperwork, e-filed & paid for her services. After that, trip to the post office to return the netflix movies. Out of the mouth of babes: "I'll have a haircut, please." [how CUTE is that???] So, we zipped into a SuperCuts & got Gage's haircut. It's VERY cute. And just think---not so long ago we were having it buzzed off. Now, it's grown long enough to warrant a trim. Anyway....after that, we headed back home to the neighborhood. Gage wanted to play with Aubri, so I called Tera & we stopped by. All the while, we had tentative lunch plans to eat with Mark. He's Hubby's best friend, in from Atlanta. Hubby was meeting with clients around lunchtime, so he had to ditch Mark for lunch, and so Gage & I were going as substitute lunch partners. Anyway....we stop by Tera's. She made muffins. She offered us one. I had a muffin, and Gage of course wanted a "puffin too!" So, he get his own muffin....eats it....but then it's time for us to leave & meet Mark for lunch. We go to Chili's eat...have a great lunch with Mark. Change Pull-Up, and head to the park to meet Tera & Aubri for a little afternoon play since we were only at their house for about 20 minutes earlier in the day. We're at the park....we're playing....Gage toots, it's stinky, no biggie. About 10 minutes before we were going to leave, Gage comes over to me & Tera & shows us his dirty hands. They look like they are covered in chocolate fudge. WHAT THE....???? Being the Sherlock Holmes that I am, I smelled his hands. What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn't I investigate in other ways??? Yes, his hands smelled like shit. They looked like they were covered in shit. Low & Behold: it's shit. Up his back. Down his legs. All over his hands. And there I stand with a lone Pull-Up left, no wipes, no change of clothes, and now, we're both covered in shit. Tera's laughing so hard, she can barely tell me that it must have been the muffins. "Shituffins" as we now call them. They were some "Super-Fiber" muffin mix that she added cranberries to. They were delicious, but holy cow. Clearly, Gage needs NO FIBER MUFFINS in the future. So, Tera had wipes. I used every last one of them, and still couldn't get all of the poop off. I stripped Gage down & wiped him up as best I could. Threw one of Aubri's diapers on him, and drove us home.
As I am blogging, he is in the tub. We've already scrubbed the poo from his lower half & really scrubbed his hands & fingernails. Gross. Gross. Gross.

Never again will Tera offer my child a Shituffin. (she agreed!)
Never again will I leave the house underprepared for such an event.