Life Is Just So Daily

Monday, October 18, 2004

Update on clear liquids. This sucks.

This sucks. So far, keeping with my clear liquid diet, I had chicken broth for lunch & some jello. Washing it all down (as if it needs help) with a lovely Crystal Light lemonade in a bottle.

So here are some thoughts.
What if I really cant have kids? Why can't we develop something like the grocery store scanner that they can just run over my tummy & get a "Good" or "No Good" & be done with it. If we had that, and it was 100% true, then at least I could be like, okay--we'll go down this other road & adopt, or Yippy--we'll keep trying. I'm just so scared that we're going to have this surgery, and then who knows what else...and then what if we go through $20K worth of stuff, still cant have a baby, and then have to save up $ to adopt? It just sucks that none of this comes with a guarantee. There's no guarantee that I'll have this surgery & then poof-- I can or cant have kids. There's no guarantee for anyone. I'm not sitting here thinking that I am the only one who ever or has ever felt this way. I'm just saying--I dont want to be that couple who tries to have a baby for 5 years, maybe gets pregnant a time or two--both end horribly, or maybe never gets pregnant at all. Everyone looks at them when they talk about their "problem" or "issue" & just feels sorry for them & doesnt really want to talk about it anymore. Now I am able to look at that situation & see how all-consuming it could be. This sucks.

I'm going to have a baby dammit.
...I hope. I dont care if I cant have my own baby. I would adopt & be totally fine with that. I'd prefer to be pregnant & go through the whole deal. But, if I cant, oh well. I just want to be a mom--no matter how it comes.

Damon's good. He said that he is going to the book store to get this book I've wanted. Pretty sweet. :)
I really hope to be drugged up for days & wake up feeling like nothing ever happened. Let's all keep our fingers crossed!


At 11:22 AM , Blogger Sarah said...

Love the grocery store scanner idea. That would cut out a lot of worry and waiting.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home