"Man, he's straight trippin'"
Why, that's the IRS man I'm talkin' bout....you know, the one who's straight trippin'!
So, we had Meeting ONE of our audit yesterday.
Sure, I'll post about 4th of July too...but more important is what happened on the 5th of July.
We met with Dan the IRS Man (as I like to call him...but not to his face).
He was as pleasant as he could possibly be given the job he has to perform on a daily basis. I'm really quite talked out on the details of our audit...but in a nut-shell, my advice to each & every taxpaying citizen out there: you are ultimately financially responsible for your taxes, the preparation of them, the completion of the forms, their timely delivery, and the accuracy of the content ---- whether you know the fucking laws or not. So, be very, very, very sure of who you hire to prepare these documents on your behalf. Why? Because when they make a mistake---basic or complex, makes no difference---when they make that mistake, they could give two shits, they got your $ for preparing the taxes in the first place, and you are left holding the bag...which gets quite heavy after penalties & interests. Although, the IRS will have a sorrowful looking representative assure you that HE does not believe you intentionally or malisciously tried to screw the U.S. Government.
Additional comments from the hotseat: trying to look cute in the tax man's office gets you nowhere. In fact, I think you have a better chance of impressing them if you take a very expensive mechanical pencil and/or anything made by Texas Instruments with some type of incredibly boring codename for a title (seriously---you want me to get you a TI-C4596??? Why don't you just say you want a calculator, man???)
What else??? Oh, be very very very prepared for some research persdon (who you will never meet) to have prepared a "file" on you. Yes, this is what your mother was talking about when she said, "Don't! That'll go on your PERMANENT RECORD!" Seriously, heed my warning---she was right.)Yes, we've got a file. It's thick too. I only saw bits & pieces of what is in there....but, basically it's got every address I've ever lived at....every job I've ever worked....the names of people who MOVED INTO my address after I left there (what the fuck good is that?? I don't know a "Martina Smith"...whatever...) it had every credit card account I'd ever had, even if it wasn't my own account but I was an authorized signer....every car we'd ever owned.... The only thing I think it did NOT include, but again, I can't confirm this b/c I didn't see the whole thing---but I think it may not have included my immunizations & perhaps my last bowel movement...other than that, it was ALL in there.
"So, did you recieve any interest income on any accounts that you had open the year of....." yada yada yada.
"I don't think so."
"Is this your name here? Do you claim ownership of this account?"
"Oh, yeah, that is my account."
"You didn't file a 1099 for that interest, and you now owe..."
Yes, I owe taxes on $48.00 that was paid to me in the form of interest.
And now, b/c the audit is from YEARS ago, I owe taxes on $48.00, penalties & interest Xmultiple years on the taxes owed on the $48.
"He's straight trippin'"
But hey---if we're lucky, he'll waive all the penalties.
Now, that's not the whole story. Just the interesting highlights. Basically every single one of our deductions is being examined & that big whopping $48 in unclaimed interest.
I don't hate the IRS.
I don't hate the man who did our audit: Dan the IRS Man. He was just doing his job.
But, I can't say that it was a particularly pleasant experience, and it's not over yet (lucky me! lucky me!).
But, I'll say this: from this point forward, for every person who pisses me off---I'm going to start secretly hoping that they get audited!