You're Doing It Wrong.

See that?
He's supposed to look a bit more like a chia pet with grass hair.

This is actually our SECOND one to try.
First one we brought home: dropped it in the garage before it ever made it indoors. Shattered, and we had to buy another one. Second one: knocked off the table by a friend over to visit. I had to super glue it back together. Now, we're trying to grow his hair, and we've just failed.

He's like Alfalfa from the Little Rascals...