Life Is Just So Daily

Thursday, December 27, 2007


I am so tired of people asking me, "So when are you guys going to try for Number Two?" As in---baby #2.

What do I say to that?

What I want to say, "We had a number two. We lost 'number 2'. but, thanks for asking."

...and then, just the other day, I got that question from someone who KNEW that we were pregnant & lost Masyn. She's a nurse that I work with. I guess she just forgot. Because....before I had barely finished my "blowing off your question" response, she was looking panicked & walking away!

So...the other day, I get the question...
Me: "Oh, I don't know...." (picture me, still walking, not stopping to talk.)
The other person: "Well, we're trying again!"
Me: "Good luck with that" (yelling back, b/c I was about 15 feet down the hall by now!)

I sounded like a total b*tch. I know. But you know what----I don't want to talk about it with this person. Maybe some others around at the time clued him in. As I was walking by the nurse's station, they had that "Oh My God, I can't believe he just asked that" look.
Everyone shouldn't have to live on eggshells around me....and certainly someone who didn't know what we've been through... But, I still don't want to deal with that question.

So...what do I say?
"We lost a baby, so mind your own business. The next time we get pregnant we probably won't even tell anyone until we're like 6 months, even if I'm pregnant RIGHT NOW I'm not going to tell you. Mind your own f*cking business. I wish you rainbows & sunshine---good luck with TTC again, but keep your nose out of our sh*t."

That, harsh, and sadly, it's how I feel about it with people that I don't feel particularly close to.
What I want to tell this guy: if I'm not asking about your testicles, then don't ask about my uterus &/o its inhabitants. Thanks.

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At 10:20 AM , Blogger Life is Wonderful said...

I feel so bad for you. I know how it feels to get asked that question and not have an answer....I am undecided about having kids of my own...for my own personal reasons...and I hate, hate, hate when people ask my husband and I when we are going to have our "own" kids....I always swear that I will never ask people that question...however, I have caught myself a couple times....

I was talking with another girl about it and she told me to just ask them the same question back...even if they are

At 10:45 AM , Blogger Reid said...

Oh, people should never ask that of anyone--you never know if the person you're asking hates kids, is prone to miscarriage, is infertile or God forbid, is just a private person who keeps their uterus to themselves. Admittedly I used to be guilty of that, but HOPEFULLY i've gained a little bit more sense about myself, having become victim to it myself.

And about Masyn...I know it must still hurt and I'm glad you have a name for that precious child. ((Hugs))

At 10:54 AM , Blogger crabby old man said...

People can be cruel without knowing By trying to be nice. If push comes to shove My answer is "do I owe You any money if not it is really not any of your business"

At 10:55 AM , Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, how I know how you feel in this situation. About a week after I lost our Ashlyn, who would have been our second child, a friend (who, granted, didn't know for she'd been away at the time and I didn't feel it was something to have random conversations about) came into my office and asked how my pregnancy was progressing. Granted, she didn't know, but I wanted to crawl through her and yell. Probably more at the situation at the time. Anyway...

I understand. Years later, it still breaks my heart. Thoughts with you...

At 11:12 AM , Blogger Stacie said...

I am so sorry for your loss...and anyone asking that question whether you had lost or not is still none of their business.

However, I am sure I am guilty of it myself...I don't know why, but the minute I ask it, I take my own foot and insert it in my big fat mouth.

I hope that if/when you try again, it is beautiful and ends they way it is meant to be.

At 12:26 PM , Blogger Kate said...

I'm with everyone else saying that NO ONE should ask that question EVER. Really, whose damn business is it how many kids you're going to have (or not have) and when? And then, knowing about Masyn, they surely shouldn't say a word. Ever. When you want to talk about it, you will bring it up.

Sounds like this nimrod just wanted to talk about his/her own plans to TTC. Which is another thing that totally creeps me out. Whenever anyone asks me about that, I say we're just practicing and give them a leer and that usually embarrasses them like they just realized I'm some kind of sex freak and not that they just asked a VERY PERSONAL question about my sex life.

At 1:25 PM , Blogger Misguided Mommy said...

so i'm just wondering..if you were to ask him about his testicals just what would you be asking

At 1:50 PM , Blogger Sarah said...

I'm so sorry that this happened. People can be so damn rude and to be honest, I know I'm guilty of asking the same question once upon a time.

The most effective and completely rude response I've actually given? "I was pregnant but then I lost our baby". That usually shuts them up. I've only used that response three times because immediately afterwards, a little part of me felt like a horrible b*%ch for making them feel bad...and then I kinda got over it because they just ruined the day for me and for my husband because he got to hear me cry....again.

My new go-to response is to try to laugh it off and say that my sister in law's are doing a fine job keeping my in-laws happy with grandbabies and I'm starting on a MBA and that my husband and I enjoy our time together, etc. Basically, I find a way to make folks think that we're not trying because I can't talk about it without crying or being a bi*#h.

Sorry for the long response. Situations like this really get to me and I really admire you for sharing it so openly. Again, I'm sorry that people are so insensitive.

At 2:29 PM , Blogger Elaine said...

People are so freaking insensitive and have no tact. I got asked twice if I was pregnant this year, I think (and hope) mostly because I got married in June.


At 3:17 PM , Blogger Tara said...

People can be so insensitive. I'm not sure why people like that feel it's their business to know personal details of other people's lives.

It sounds like he was willing to share his baby-making business with the whole world, but that doesn't mean everyone is.

I always hate it when people announce they're "trying to have a baby." I don't need to know you're having sex like crazy.

At 9:34 PM , Blogger ~love said...

i'm so with sarah on this one. people can be so insensitive & i really admire you talking about issues that are really difficult for a lot of people.

i cannot stand that people think it's okay to ask anyone this. it's never okay.

and it's never okay to assume a woman is pregnant...that's a huge issue for me right now. why would anyone think they could assume that?! one woman even continued to get "mad" at me saying, "well, you're wearing that maternity dress." nope, lady, it's called i had 3 babies in 3 years & babydoll style tops are in.

just tonight one of my friends miscarried twins and some IDIOT totally dismissed it by asking when they would be trying again.

people are not very smart sometimes.

okay--this got long, like a lot of other people's! so sorry for these insensitive-not-smart people!!

thank you for sharing your honest journey about masyn.

At 10:03 AM , Blogger Zephra said...

Maybe you can have that last part printed on a card to give out to those that ask...

At 12:07 PM , Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

zephra---you always make me laugh w/ your warped, f*cked up sense of humor....that I totally get.


At 6:44 PM , Blogger Pregnantly Plump said...

That has to be tough, hearing those questions. It kills me how people, especially those that aren't really connected to you feel the need to ask such personal questions. Less than a month after Little Elvis was born, people were asking me when we were going to have another. And these weren't people I really knew. They were also all men... hmmm.


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