Not a Ten....

Went to the doctor yesterday.
I'm not dilated to a ten.
I'm not even dilated to a one.

But, I'm "full term" being past 37 weeks.
People have said, "Why do you want to rush it?" "Every little bit in there counts...." etc.
Those people haven't seen me in person.
Those people don't realize the magnitude of having a big, fat baby in this little 5 foot frame or the weight my poor feet are having to support.

If labor started on its own right now, they wouldn't stop it. I'd still have a csection, but the point is: they'd get the show on the road!

So, at least once a day I cry because my feet hurt, or I'm tired and don't sleep all through the night, or I have to lay a certain way to keep my feet elevated and that pushes Baby Girl up into my ribs and I just cry...
{PSA: to all of the men with pregnant women, "Suck it Up" is NOT the right thing to say in that moment.}

Anyway...then I feel guilty about wanting to rush this. Why? Because I try to remind myself that God's timing is always perfect, and he will give me what I need when I need it. Enduring these aches and pains of pregnancy pale in comparison to the suffering he did for us.... and so I feel guilty....

...but then I come full circle and think: a scheduled csection isn't really God's timing, now is it? If we can schedule it for 5/21, then why not schedule it for today??? I'm just sayin'..... I can clear my calendar at the drop of a hat. A hospital bag? Forget it. If I need to have someone swing by the house to grab my stuff and the carseat, fine. Whatever I have to do to get this baby out of me---I'm ready. I've reached the point of begging!

....my OB hasn't reached the point of giving in to my begging. Conversation from the recent appt:
"There has to be a medical reason to deliver by csection before 39 weeks."
"Can't you find one?"
"There isn't one."
"Then you're not looking hard enough."

....he won.
I'm still pregnant.
I'm apparently QUITE the host for my little parasite!

And another conversation.... I've been having these Braxton Hicks like CAH-RAZY. Mom and I have decided that my uterus must be beautiful. It's all tone from all the exercise.... I bet it's just the most beautiful uterus ever.... Now, if it would just get with the program and give me some REAL, PRODUCTIVE, No-Going-Back kind of contractions then maybe I'd appreciate my uterus more... I'm just sayin'....

I'm ready to have this baby!
I'm ready to hold her in my arms, not my tummy!
I'm ready to put the csection behind me, and start down the road to healing!
I'm ready to meet my baby girl, and nurse her, and love on her!
I'm ready, Lord. Please, please, please let my water break and give me the best Mother's Day ever....
{Please?????}