"You can't just turn me on like a switch, you know"

....said the ovary.
More specifically: said both my ovaries.

Had a sono today.

Here's what I wanted to see:

(all the black spots are follicles. Nice and large & ready to go!)

We didn't see that.
In fact, I borrowed the above image from the Advanced Fertility Center's website (whoever they are...).

What happened at today's appt: sono. Had bloodwork ordered, but that was cancelled after the doc saw what he saw on the sono. I have 13 follicles (6 on the right, 7 on the left). The largest of which is 12mm. The smallest of which is 4 or 5 mm. They have to be bigger, and better, and bad-assier! (I totally just made that word up. I challenge you to fit it into conversation today if at all possible...)

How the HELL am I so big and bloaty if I am not just chock full of human caviar? I mean, really??? Our rock-star-nurse (Jamie) says that no, my bloated belly is NOT abnormal. I look about par for the course. Awesome. {I look about 3 months pregnant without the joy of actually BEING 3 months pregnant.}

Outcome from today's visit: upping the meds.
I'm totally a junkie.
...shooting up in parking lots & what not....

Why?
Because I needed to shop before going home. Retail therapy IS a type of therapy, right? {I think it falls into line right after CBT...}

So, I did my drugs in the car before going into HomeGoods. Today's emotional set back wasn't tooooo bad. I only did $43 worth of damage. That's good, right!?

{feel free to justify my emotional spending. mmmmkay? and in my defense: we needed a new colander, and they had the square/rectangular glass jugs that fit perfectly in the fridge door. you know---the ones that are perfect for iced tea and juice? who can blame me for getting those? nobody. the Halloween stuff was out in full force and I didn't load up on any of that stuff, so see----I have some self-restraint.}

On another note---today was my "keepin'-it-real" day emotionally with regard to the cart-before-the-horse situation again. Wow. Only 13 follicles? Wow. They aren't as big as they feeeeeel? I suddenly had that realization that this might not work. That, holy-shit-we-spent-how-much-$$$-on-a-chance-and-I-stick-needles-into-my-body-several-times-a-day-and-it-may-all-be-for-nothing moment. So, while I looked at every baby and nursery item there at HomeGoods, I didn't buy anything. Not even the cute trumpette socks that look like Converse tennis shoes. (...as I thought, 'surely Gage would like a baby who comes outfitted in his or her own Converse, right?')

So, now, I'm just rambling.

Hubby's had a WONDERFUL day at work. We are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate. I have to pick up Gage in a bit. It's 2pm and I still need to make the beds!

Today's highlights:
Hubby's good day at work
Shopping
Changing my nailpolish color (it's the little things!)
Dinner tonight! (it's a date! wooohoooo)
Being lazy for a while.