Papa's Wish.

My Papa passed away this morning.

We've had an exhausting week.
He was put on hospice this past Friday.

I was going through pictures to give to my cousin, and found the picture that Gage inquired about when we were packing to move...

That's my Papa on the left.
Long before he was my Papa, or even knew that he'd ever be my Papa.

...and of course it makes me reflect on the conversation that Gage & I had about the picture....
"But it doesn't look like Papa."
Well, he was much younger then.
"He wanted to be a grandpa when he grew up? And he got his wish!!!????"
Yes, buddy. Something like that. He got his wish.

He was the best grandfather.
He may not have been the most affectionate husband.
He may not have been the perfect dad.
But he wasn't my husband, and he wasn't my dad.
He was my Papa, and he was perfect at being just that!

I was a little girl without a grandpa when my mom & dad got married.
I didn't know what it was to have a grandpa.

With a grandpa, you have someone who somehow instantly knows how to fix stuff {stuff="anything"}, and is willing to do it.

You have someone who knows that there are two ways to do anything/everything: the wrong way, and Papa's way.

You have someone who will DO your art weaving project for you at 9 o'clock at night the night before it's due, right after you've cried, pitched a fit, and given up.

You have someone who will build a little girl a dollhouse, bug house, and set up an organic garden in the backyard that is her very own{knowing full well that she'd never water it enough!}...

You have someone who readily admitted that he didn't have a clue how to help me with my college Chemistry homework...but he'd damn sure pay someone to help that little girl just to keep her from crying about it!

You have someone who never had a little girl, and wasn't quite sure what to do when she started her period FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME while her parents were out of town and her grandmother was out. This was the man who went to the store & bought one of every feminine hygeine product that was on the shelf. While he may have had the best of intentions---that little girl was even more freaked out & overwhelmed! But man---wasn't that love???

And his cooking....oh, his cooking. My love for Beef Wellington started with Papa. Everyone else loved his rolls...and yes, they were good. But his hot-water-cornbread was my favorite.
The last time he made his rolls for us...Thanksgiving 2009


There's so much more about my Papa that I just can't type tonight.
Just know that he wasn't perfect in the sense of having no faults or flaws....but he was perfect to me. And I was lucky to have him love me.



I don't know what he always wanted to be when he grew up.
I'll just flatter myself & think that his answer was "a grandpa."