So, in my attempt to make sure that Monday evening was not a total loss, I decided to use the AMC gift card that we have, and take Baby Gage to the movies.
1/14/8: Gage's first trip to see a movie in a movie theatre.
Movie: Alvin & The Chipmunks.
His first movie ever is rated PG. (I know, I'm hardcore. What ever happened at starting with the G movies? G...standing for "gateway" movies...ease the kids on in for the harder stuff....like PG. I'm sure he'll have a crack pipe by Friday, right?)
Anyway....not only am I hardcore like that, I also am piss-poor w/ regard to research. I had no idea that Alvin & the Chipmunks was not a fully animated feature film. It's got human beings in it & the chipmunks are the animated part. Well...I rather think that a fully animated film would have kept his attention longer...but hey---I'm getting ahead of myself here.
Back up: we're in line to buy the tickets for our 6:50 showing. I get a student discount w/ my student ID. Wooohoo---go me. But Gage---his 2 year old self should be free. He was not. It was $15 for the 2 of us to get in. Add popcorn & a bottle of water at $9.50 & say bye-bye to the gift card. (okay, okay---there's still a fifty cent credit on there....)
Go in...find our seats....there are about 10 people in the theatre---total. A few commented on Gage being cute & I let them know that this was his first movie experience, and that I did not know how well it would go.... So, at least they were warned....and I hoped for the best.
Previews were fine..."pa-corn" was consumed. And then....the movie started.
Gage happily gave a free commentary for those who may have been visually impaired. In fact, it was quite loud too, b/c Gage clearly did not want to exclude anyone who may be hard of hearing.
"That's a truck. Did you see? Mommy, Look! Look at that Truck!"
"There's a car! Look at that red car!"
"Look at that tree! Look at that! It's a Christmas tree!"
"What's that? What's that, Mommy?"
We ran into a few problems w/ the rolling commentary. Gage did finally settle into not narrating for the audience....but, there were 2 things on the screen that Gage just couldn't seem to understand that the items were not really THERE in the theatre. Without giving the whole story away (yeah right---like I saw the whole movie...dream on), at one point, the Chipmunks are in Dave's cupboard. The doors open, and he has a bag of Goldfish in there among his other pantry items. Well, nothing would do....Gage WANTED those Goldfish. Last time I checked (...oh, and that would be just a few hours ago), AMC does not sell Goldfish among their fat-filled snacks. Next thing that really didn't sit well with Gage: on the screen, Dave is flipping channels on his TV. He goes past a Discovery Channel show or...some show that has a SNAKE on it. Well, on the movie screen---the snake was...you know--huge. Gage didn't like THAT at all. So---I had to calm him down about that....
Speaking of calming people down....something else happened in the theatre that was completely WEIRD. Like, totally crazy pervert WEIRD. So, like I said---there were only about 10 people in the theatre at the start of the movie. About 20 minutes into the movie, an 11th person entered. He entered to my left....crossed completely to the right side of the theatre, and started up the aisle. He entered our row. We were sitting toward the left of the theatre. We were not sitting in the center of our row. He walked ALL the way down our row, and sat in the empty seat RIGHT NEXT TO MY SON. Who does THAT? So, I gave him one of those, "you move, or I'm going to move" looks. I mean, of aaaaallllllll the empty seats in there, and he sits WITH us---like we're a party of 3? No thanks. So we moved. Up & behind him. Why??? Because I wanted to keep an eye on him..... about 10 or 15 minutes later---the man left. WHAT A FREAK-O!
Anyway....about 40 minutes after the movie started....Gage was ready to go. "I wanna get down & go THAT door." So....we left the movie & started walking around the mall...seeing all the glorious sites...and we saw a woman JOGGING. Jogging IN the mall. Sweatsuit, headphones, the work. Again---who DOES that? I'm aware of mall-walkers....but mall-joggers. That was new to me.
Got home...brushed our teeth....got our jammies on....& went to snuggle in bed before bed. Gage started complaining of his head being cold. He wanted a hat. So, I got him warm snuggly hat. We snuggled in under the covers. Then, he started complaining of a tummy ache. Within minutes----we were both covered in puke. LOVELY.
So, it was into the tub for us. Bless his heart....he threw up about 4 times in my bed & on both of us before we made it to the tub. He had chunks of puke coming out of his nose. It was sooooo yucky.
So, we took a bath. Together.
Back up: on Sunday, we took a bath together. After his comments, I decided that it was going to be our last bath together. Here's why:
Gage: "Mommy, you don't have a penis?"
Me: "No, Gage, I don't."
Gage: "You lost it? You lost your penis?"
Me: "No, I didn't lose it...I just don't have one."
Fast forward back to Monday night....So, we're taking a bath with grape bubble bath. Gage is shivering & whiny from puking....We're in the tub....and even though he feels like crap---he has to look for Mommy's penis.
Gage: "Mommy, you don't have a penis?"
Me: "No Gage, God gives each BOY a penis, but not the girls. Mommy is a girl."
Gage: "You lost it? You put it in the 'cycle bin?" (as in, 'recycle bin')
I just CRACKED up. Around here, I'm kind of known as the Recycling Nazi. I'm all over it, and if you throw away a tin can---I WILL go into the trashcan after it! Anyway....Gage thinks I've recycled my penis. So funny!
Daddy had to cut his poker night short, and he hit the store for anti-emetics & pedialyte. Gage snuggled in under my arm. "I wanna put my head on Mommy's BOOB." He lays his head on my boob & falls asleep within just a few minutes. That was about midnight last night.
Now---it's 9:30 am....everyone is still asleep but me. AAAAhhhhh....the golden moments.