My Little Slugger....
So, Gage is our little slugger...and no, I'm not talking about baseball.
My child HITS!
He lacks social skills. He is hardly ever around other kids.
He bites, he hits, he kicks.
He's a ton of fun.
Seriously, I'm almost afraid to get involved in play groups or anything like that b/c I don't want him to hurt somebody else's child. And, since I'm like his only friend (well, he's got Memaw & Daddy to play with too....) but I usually take the brunt of his rebellion/frustration.
I keep telling myself that when his vocabulary increases & he's better able to express himself that some of this will subside. [prayer: Lord, please let me right about that!]
And then, with regard to the social skills...If I don't have him around other kids, he won't develop those things as quickly......
So, we'll just have to stay right on top of him when he's around others his age. The kids that he is around are usually older, so their parents explain, "Gage is just a baby, he doesn't understand about _____..." (usually the word in that blank is 'sharing')
Oh the drama. I'm praying he'll grow out of it.
The good news: "The first step is recognizing that you have a problem..."
"Houston, we have a problem!"
Labels: Gage
posted by Lainey-Paney @ 6:45 AM
10 Comments:
HAHAHAHAHAHHA! My husband would love that cartoon. Okay, popped over rfrom your comment on my blog. I'd seen the baseball hat in the pattern works catalog and refused to buy the pattern and "borrowed" my son's baseball to mimic the stitches, turned out pretty good I think!
I wondered, how did you find me?
happy to have ANY comments:)
Let me say something without you hitting ME. Nip it in the bud, girl.
It IS about not having a lot of time with other kids. I've seen it with some friends' kids. Don't expect him to just grow out of it. You need to let him know that that is unacceptable.
Enough of my yada yada yada. I really hope it all turns around to lots of loving!!
Hey Lainey, Emily is nearly 20 months old. I've been putting her in time out since she was between 11 and 12 months old. You might want to talk with one of the nurses at your pediatrician's office (I call mine all the time about non-medical stuff and they are always happy to answer questions) about their recommendations, but mine recommended that I put Emily somewhere boring (our dining room fit that bill) for a time out. She gets one minute time out per year of age, so right now, she gets a 1 minute time out. At first I stood nearby to make sure she didn't get down from the chair, but now I put her in the time out chair, start the timer and walk away. Coincidentally, the chair where I sit most often during the day is directly in her line of sight when she's in time out, so she can see Mommy not paying attention to her and it seems to do the trick. When I put her in time out, I usually give her a brief explanation of why she is going there (usually some variation on "you hit the dog and Mommy told you not to hit the dog so you are going to time out.") as I am walking her over there (she doesn't get carried to time out, she has to walk on her own (again with the separation from Mommy).
How funny that Gage and Emily decided to start being aggressive at the same time. Fun, fun, fun!!
Shoot me an email at erinlooneybin[at]yahoo[dot]com. I'd love to talk offline.
i had a pusher. a nasty little pusher. he'd walk up to any other small child, anywhere, and go "PEESH!" because he couldn't say push, and push them down. i couldn't go to the park for AGES.
Ugh that sucks. Yeah I agree with Lee here, nip it now. Nothing like a kid who's smacking at 8 yeasr old (like a child I will not name since I am related to him).
If there's anyway that you can still hang around people that you are comfortable with saying "Hey this is what's going on", I would think that would be helpful. It seems to be a double-edged sword - you want him to be around other kids, so he can learn to not hit, but then it's stressful for you, I'd imagine. Hang in there.
Yup. I'm with the rest of 'em. Stop it now or you will have one hell of a fight with him later.
Just be consistent. When he hits, he needs to know it isn't acceptable. Usually a frown works and a clear, firm no.
You don't want to make a big ass deal about it, but on the other hand...you will save yourself a lot of grief when he is in preschool if you tackle this now.
I'm sorry that I can't help you with the hitting. I'm still laughing my ass off over that Family Circus.
Zakary just got chomped on by a little kid at day care. It was 3 really nasty bites but it happened so fast that there was little the daycare owner could do to stop it. But that being said I think he does need to be socialized. You have got to get him around other kids and he will start to learn the social rules. If you don't do something soon, it will become an even bigger problem.
My daughter was a biter for almost 3 years. We tried everything we could think of. She was going to be kicked out of daycare so in desperation I came to the internet and found a few places that advised giving the kid a spoonful of vinegar ever time they bit. It is non toxic but taste terrible. After 3 years of endless biting it only took 3 tablespoons of vinegar to end it.
Ditto the nip-it-NOW comments. Decide on a way to discipline that negative behavior (time out w/ removal of your attention + explanation afterward works) and tell all his care providers to DO THE SAME THING (that you do) EVERY TIME. Be dilligently *consistent* so he doesn't start trying to figure out when he can get away with it. I can't stress consistency enough.
I don't know your beliefs on spanking, but I will venture to say that hitting or spanking a child in an effort to teach "No hitting" is certainly sending a confusing mixed-message.
I had a friend with a very aggressive boy. It started about Gage's age, and his aggression finally calmed down by the time he was 3 1/2 or so. I think being in Preschool has helped, BUT I still think my friend could have nipped it sooner if she had been more consistent with his discipline. It seemed to always render a different reaction when we were out in public or at playgroup (where it was harder to dictate a punishment) than at home. My other observation of parenting style in every discipline need was that her tone of voice was too friendly, in my opinion. She got pretty stern when he pushed or hit, but for everything else it came out sounding like a friendly suggestion rather than an order. (friendly) "Hey, buddy, why don't you come back over here?" instead of (firmly) "NO running away from Mommy." for example. (It was really no huge shock to me that this kid later went on to smear his own poo all over his room after his babysitter put him down for a nap while his mom was out one afternoon.) We finally realized that his problem wasn't just about hitting other kids, it was an attention need, and he was sort of a twisted way to get my friend's attention (it worked every time!). He always got more aggressive when he wasn't having his mother's attention (like if I called her to chat, he would soon be hitting his little sister). So watch out for that, and try to counter it with lots of positive attention for good behavior. I think he started behaving better when my friend started giving him several chunks of undivided attention during the day while they were at home.
Kids as young as Gage can understand the idea of respect, so expect that he obey you (and NEVER allow aggressive behavior toward you or other adults either), use a firm tone of voice, be consistent, and keep putting him back in the time out spot as many times as it takes to break him from leaving it! (It's really like conditioning an animal.) It'll drive you nutty for a while, but it will pay dividends in the end. And encourage your care providers to do the same.
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