Life Is Just So Daily

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

I forgot! My movie reviews!


Bend it Like Beckham: I thought it was cute. I liked it. Would I watch it again or add it to my collection??? No, probably not.

New York Minute: stupid. Now, I was hopped up on pain meds watching this. I fell asleep & never finished it. Even on drugs I thought it was dumb.

I've still got Big Fish to watch.

Surgery Update.

Surgery update:
It was endometriosis, and the doctor got it all. He cauterized it all out. It was in a region of my body called the "cul de sac". Yes, that's right. Apparently, all of us women have a cul de sac inside! It's the space behind the uterus, but in front of the colon & rectum. I apparently had endometriosis in that space & that was causing all my continued pain & symptoms even after the cyst went away.

Fun stories...
(1) I woke up shaved. Now, they gave me all kinds of pre-op instructions. Why couldnt they have included this? I would have gladly done it myself. But no, I wake up & realize that someone took a raxor to me while I was out of it. Lovely. What a crappy job that person has.
(2) The first thing the doctor said to Damon & my moms (mom & mother in law) when he came out of surgery was, "Man, you give that girl some drugs & she is funny!" Keep in mind--I dont remember any of this. I was on drugs. Here's what Dr.B said that I said... Setting: the operating room. Time: just before I was seriously knocked out & the surgery would begin. I apparently looked around the room, and there were only 2 men in the room: Dr.B (ob/gyn) & Dr.Byrd (anesthesiologist). I said to them: "Okay, he's seen me naked" & pointed to Dr.B. Then I said, "You havent seen me naked." & pointed to Dr.Byrd. He said, "It's okay, I'm a doctor". And I said, "Okay, but when it's all over, you better say that I'm the best you've ever seen!" Dr.B told Damon that they'll be laughing about that for a long time. (I'm such an idiot!)
(3) I was rude to my nurse once I came out of surgery. I had a bit of bleeding & I vaguely remember telling the nurse that I didnt need these big-huge-maternity-I just delivered triplets-pads. I also remember throwing it onto the bed and stating, "These are USELESS to me." That was before I realized that I was bleeding. So, I had to apologize, tell her that she was correct & watch her clean up the mess I made. This whole little period of time is blurry--but I remember that incident quite clearly.
(4) Before I left the hospital they gave me some crackers to eat. I must have repeated several times: "These crackers are like a sponge. They just suck the moisture out of my mouth." Well, when I got home, I was craving more crackers. I dont know why---obviously they were robbing me of a moist mouth!!! Anyway, every time my mom or Damon would give me a cracker, they would repeat "These crackers are like a sponge. They are sucking all the moisture out of your mouth." & then they would crack up. Later they told me that I just kept saying that over & over while I was pretty out of it.

Now I will have two little scars on my belly. One is through my belly button. The other is....well, lower. He thought he was going to have to make 3 incisions, but said that because the endometriosis was "centrally located" he was able to get in & out with only two incisions. No idea what they're gonna look like because they are still covered.

What else? Suggested treatment for this....he says that he can suggest two options: (1) pregnancy & (2) induced chemical menopause. Of course I'm leaning toward pregnancy. And now I have a doctor in my court backing me up. Woohoo! Damon is leaning toward pregnancy could be parents by this time next year. Oh my goodness!!!!
I have my post-op appointment on Thursday, so we will be discussing our plan. Dr.Brough initially told us that we would need to wait 6mo-1year before trying. He said after the surgery that because he was able to get in & see the whole system, & he successfully eliminated the endometriosis, that we should start trying in the next few months. WooHoo!

I dont even want to consider menopause. I dont know what all the symptoms are...but I know that your hair thins, you lose elasticity in your skin, you get mood swings & hot flashes. I think I'm fiesty enough to live with. I could not even imagine Damon trying to put up with me through all that.

I'm back at work now. It sucks. But, I must admit that I started to get bored at home by myself.

None of my clothes fit. My belly is still a little swollen. Yesterday I wore a skirt that hits kind of lower on my hips---as to avoid the belly-button area. Well, I wasnt really thinking because I have to wear pantyhose with all mandated by the lovely dress code here at work. So, as the day went on--the pantyhose kept getting tighter & tighter. I eventually took the scissors to them & cut a section out of the waist band so that they would not be so tight. I was convinced that as the day was going on that my belly was swelling. Mom made the reference to Lucy & the bread that just keeps rising! That's exactly it.
So today I grabbed a pair of size 4 pants that I still have. I had to roll over the waist band to get them to fit, but at least they are not too tight on my tummy & now that they are tolled over, they dont hit my belly button at all. By the end of the day yesterday I was absolutely drained. My belly was swollen, bruised, & sore. I slept like a baby last night.

That's about it for now...

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Monday, October 18, 2004

Update on clear liquids. This sucks.

This sucks. So far, keeping with my clear liquid diet, I had chicken broth for lunch & some jello. Washing it all down (as if it needs help) with a lovely Crystal Light lemonade in a bottle.

So here are some thoughts.
What if I really cant have kids? Why can't we develop something like the grocery store scanner that they can just run over my tummy & get a "Good" or "No Good" & be done with it. If we had that, and it was 100% true, then at least I could be like, okay--we'll go down this other road & adopt, or Yippy--we'll keep trying. I'm just so scared that we're going to have this surgery, and then who knows what else...and then what if we go through $20K worth of stuff, still cant have a baby, and then have to save up $ to adopt? It just sucks that none of this comes with a guarantee. There's no guarantee that I'll have this surgery & then poof-- I can or cant have kids. There's no guarantee for anyone. I'm not sitting here thinking that I am the only one who ever or has ever felt this way. I'm just saying--I dont want to be that couple who tries to have a baby for 5 years, maybe gets pregnant a time or two--both end horribly, or maybe never gets pregnant at all. Everyone looks at them when they talk about their "problem" or "issue" & just feels sorry for them & doesnt really want to talk about it anymore. Now I am able to look at that situation & see how all-consuming it could be. This sucks.

I'm going to have a baby dammit.
...I hope. I dont care if I cant have my own baby. I would adopt & be totally fine with that. I'd prefer to be pregnant & go through the whole deal. But, if I cant, oh well. I just want to be a mom--no matter how it comes.

Damon's good. He said that he is going to the book store to get this book I've wanted. Pretty sweet. :)
I really hope to be drugged up for days & wake up feeling like nothing ever happened. Let's all keep our fingers crossed!

Life before Taco Soup...

I dont really remember when I first had Taco Soup. I just know that I love it. I just know that life is good that now it is a part of my life.

Last night after working at Baylor, I went home & made Taco Soup. It is wonderful. It is so easy.

I am probably thinking about food so much because (1) I didnt clean up the kitchen last night after cooking & I am kind of feeling guilty about it. I have a dirty soup pot on my stove & bowls in the sink...and a frying pan in the sink...I feel bad. That's dirty. (2) I'm supposed to be on my clear liquid diet. About that....I already screwed it up. I had to have coffee. I cant drink it black. So, I added the normal creamer & sugar. I know, I know...not clear. I dont care. I had 3/4 of one cup of coffee. I figure, the earlier in the day--the better. But, then I saw a can of peanuts....and I forgot that I cant eat solid food...and I had about 10. I realized what I was doing & threw the rest away.
I dont know if I can do this. The alternative sucks, but this is really hard.

What else???
I'll be off work & at home for Tues-Monday. So, there will be no posts until probably next Monday. (that's when I am due to return to work).

Weekend Movie Review...
Against the Ropes: with Meg Ryan. Mediocre at best.

Damon was very impressed with my grocery shopping ability over the weekend. He gave me a budget & told me not to go over the budget with impulse buys. (my mom can attest to the fact that I can EASILY spend $3-$400 in the grocery stor...I'm so terrible.) Anyway....I came in UNDER budget & still managed to buy fresh flowers for the house. He was incredibly impressed.
..."oh Lainey-Paney, how do you do it?"
"Well, the secret is........and you always buy fresh flowers".

Fresh indulgent! I cant help it. If I'm going to be at home, it just helps to have vases of fresh flowers. It's wonderful. It is just a feeling that things are complete. So, I buy them. I always budget for them.

What else?? We washed our cars this weekend. That was fun.
Got my hair colored. It's dark. I'm ready for a big change like Red hair or something, but I'm a little afraid that I'll look like a freak. So, maybe I'll get red highlights or something when I am feeling particularly in need of a change.

...The social workers upstairs have pissed me off. Really probably a vent for another time...but here goes...
I am going to be off work tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I have busted my butt to rearrange the ER schedule to ensure coverage while I'm out. I have asked several of my people to work extra, rearrange their lives to help out during this time. So far, two people are bending over backwards to help out. Are they doing it for me?? Well partially. But really--they are doing it for the floor staff so that (1) they arent so swamped & wont have to stop what they are doing to trot down to the ER to see a patient. & (2) the hospital doesnt appear to be short-staffed, the hospital wont actually be short-staffed. & (3) the quality of the patient care wont go down due to a lack of ER coverage. So, naturally, I expected the floor social workers to be excited when I told them that I had ER coverage for 4 out of the 5 days that I will be out. See, when I am not here, and an ER referral comes up, they HAVE to see the ER patient first because ER patients are usually discharged in a matter of hours rather than days. I do in a few hours what they have about 3 or 4 days to do. While they carry more cases on a daily basis, they have 3-4 days to manage the cases. I have a few hours to get the referral, see the patient, & get them out of here with whatever they need or wherever they need to go. In the ER, you have to move fast & move them out fast!
Anyway...I'm pissy because on Friday after work, I took one of the Social Workers who is covering for me up to the main office & told them how flexible she's being, how she's rearranged things to help out, how she's covering 3 of the days for us. Nobody seemed to care. That's the impression she got too, and she's like, "why should I bend over backward to help them if they arent even going to appreciate it? This is the LAST time I'll be doing this to help them out." It's just stupid, pissy drama. Why dont they see that they need to be appreciative???


I'm pissy.

I'm signing off for now. :)

Sunday, October 17, 2004

It's Sunday...I hate working Sundays.

I swear...I dont want to do it anymore. Sundays just suck.
I would love to type more...but I should have left work about 20 minutes ago.

So...I worked today. Was super busy. Got no lunch b/c I was too busy to eat.
Plan on making Taco Soup for dinner. I'm super hungry!

Friday, October 15, 2004

I am soooooo tired.

I am so tired. I just want to go home. I cant believe that it is so early in the day.
I went to bed on time last night, and got up late this morning. (well, later than normal...) I had just enough time to brush my teeth, brush my hair, get dressed & run out the door. Luckily, I made it to work on time!

What else? I plan to go straight home after work & veg.

I have to work a day shift at Baylor on Sunday. The extra $$ will be nice, but the actual work is going to suck. And, for the amount of effort that it requires of me to go to that job & learn the new computer program,'s so not worth the pay I get over there.

My house is clean. That's good.

Oh, there's a ceiling fan in the kitchen. Well, last night, I KNEW I smelled an electrical fire. Yup. The stupid ceiling fan/light fixture in the kitchen was spazzing out, conking out, and literally--melting down. more thing we get to replace in this wonderful home that I call the money pit. I cant wait to be done with this project.

I wish I had a gazillion dollars....oh, the projects I would PAY to have done!!!

Okay...I'm going to close my eyes & day dream right quick about having a gazillion dollars. I would stand around with a Mimosa in my hand...with my feather pumps on..."No, that goes over there.... be careful with that.... oh, that will never do... oh, yes! That's fabulous.... I'll take another drink, Miles (my imaginary butler...)".

My office mate, Jamie does not understand my humor. Perhaps she lacks the intellect necessary for complete understanding.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

It's Thursday. It's Thursday. Almost Friday!

Well, it's Thursday.
My to do list for today...
(1) work ...and this one is really starting to interfere with the other items on my daily "to do" list.
(2) go to the bank & make a deposit. (woo-hoo!)
(3) buy stamps, mail letters.

Last a hair cut. No biggie...just took about 2 inches off the ends.
Did my nails...had to cut the other 9 nails down to match the left thumb after the unfortunate thumb incident Wednesday night.
Now--it feels weird to type without my fingernails. They are so short! Like...volleyball coach short.

Had Boston Market for dinner last night. It was pretty good.

Eddie had bad dreams all night. Kept waking me up because he was running in his sleep & barking in his dreams. Funny to watch, but I was sleepy & not really in the mood to sit up & laugh at him. Ever try to wake up a sleeping, running, barking Rottie? Not easily done.

I dont know much else.

Tonight The Apprentice & ER come on. Love those shows. I'm excited. I plan to camp out in the living room & unpack boxes & watch my shows.

Signing off for now!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

It's Wednesday...I'm a total spazz.

Okay, so last night--I unpacked two whole boxes. I got 99% of the contents of those two boxes put away.
(And the audience goes wild cheering for me!)

Then...I went to the guest bedroom to turn off the light. This was like 9 o'clock at night. I was wearing a night gown & flip flops. I forgot to turn the hall light on before I took on this task. So, I enter the guest room--dodging boxes. I turned off the light. Then, I have to exit the room into the dark hallway. Well, for those of you who know me pretty well--you know that I am super-afraid of the dark. So, I turned off the light & turned into a total spazz. I ran out of the room! ...or, I attempted to run out of the room. I tripped over a box & landed in the hallway on the hardwood floor. I fell right out of my flip flops. They were still in the gues room by the box I tripped over. Damon heard me & came running. Of course I was tearful by this point. It freaking hurt! And what hurt the most??? (No, not my pride although I appreciate all you thinking that. I'm sure that should have hurt the most...) My thumb hurt the most. I landed on it & broke my thumb nail. Now my thumb nail is super short & it just aches. Thank goodness I dont use it to type. :)
Damon started laughing as soon as he realized that I was not seriously injured. He didnt realize that he married such a spazz.
I think my mom, dad, & Melissa were the only ones who really knew how spastic & clumsy I am. Damon is officially in the loop.

What else? I've had a pretty productive work morning.

Talked to my Gammy this morning. It's her birthday. Let's see...she's now 83 I believe.

I need to fold & put away laundry today after work.

I need to work on drafting some letters to dispute some stuff on our credit. I already disputed 3 things, and sent my little letters, etc. Of course, I havent pulled our credit since then, so I dont know if it has made a difference yet, but I am determined to dispute every little thing so that we'll get a super-fantastic score! We've already got our house & our cars. We dont need our credit to be drastically improved immediately or anything. I just want the peace of mind that all the info on there is actually ours.

What else?? Nicole is coming to town from London. That's fantastic.
Jessica & Blaine & Boaz are coming to Texas to visit too. I cant wait.

I think I found what kind of curtains I want for the living room. Now, I just need to find & purchase the fabric. I would love to find some already made, but so far that just has not happened. Mom left her sewing machine at my house for me to work with...but that stupid Bobbin gets me every time! The bobbin is some random, complex, abstract concept to me. It screws up my projects every time!!!!
So...we'll see if I can do these curtains on my own or not...Lord knows I have enough on my plate right the curtains will just have to wait a bit...

Okay...I'm getting a page for lunch. Gotta run.
Countdown to surgery: 6 days.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Chicken Enchanadas Again?

Why? Why?
Why do we always have to have chicken enchanadas on the day that I dont bring my lunch?
They would be good except: they are like enchiladas, but filled with this chicken that is more like a creamy, pastey, chicken spread that seems to somehow be piped into what would otherwise be a very good enchilada.

Ugh. the horror...

Tuesday. 10.12.04

It's Tuesday.

Weekend review:
Friday afternoon/night: went home, unpacked some boxes.
Saturday: had to work for 4 hours in the ER. Horrible 4 hours. Only saw one patient...but it took 4 hours. Then after that, I stopped by a local Dollar Store & picked up a couple of things...well, 12 things to be exact. Good times.... Then, Saturday night--Damon had plans. He went out to Rockwall & was hanging out with his friend, Mike. I stayed home & unpacked more boxes. I think I unpacked 6 in all over the weekend. 6 big boxes. So, I did some good! And...while home alone...I saw the first episode of "Desperate Housewives". Loved it. Loved it.
Sunday...woke up late. Had to be at Josh & Tori's wedding at noon. We made it. And--we were early. Woo-hoo! (that NEVER happens!) They got married at Arcodoro Pomodoro in uptown. The wedding was followed by a nice lunch: I had the veal, Damon had the ravioli. They were both EXCELLENT! Damon & I definitely want to go back there for dinner some time.... Tori looked beautiful. Josh looked handsome. It was a good time. Of course, after 4 mimosa's, we could have been at a bowling alley with a toothless guy named Ted, and I still would have called it a good time.
So...after the wedding, we went home. I went to sleep at 3, woke up at 6:30 with the world's largest headache.
Watched a little TV with my husband...ordered pizza....Oh! Damon watched "Desperate Housewives" with me, and he said it wasnt so bad. So, that was pretty great.

Note about Damon & TV: he always makes fun of the TV shows I watch....or he criticizes them, and tells me that I dont need to be watching such & such show because it seems to be condoning "infidelity" or "whatever..." Are you kidding me? It's a TV show. Surely you dont think that I will become a cheater or druggie, or prostitute because I am watching SOME show that has one or all of the previously mentioned components. So...I just can't wait for the Sopranos to come back on. If he is going to balk at what I watch...well, let's pick apart his favorite show...
organized crime...
drug use...

Oh, the list goes on & on!
But...I love the Sopranos too. I know Damon is none of those things & doesnt condone those's just for entertainment.

Okay...I'm off my TV rant for now.

Movie Reviews:
(1) Walking Tall... with Chris Rock. Surprisingly, this was an okay movie.
(2) Farenheit 911... Damon brought this home. I am boycotting the movie. He tried to get me to watch it. No way. I told him that I didnt want to see it or contribute financially to Michael Moore's succes... Damon argued that he already paid for the movie rental, so I might as well watch it. No way. I want no part of the movie.
(3) Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen... okay, I got this movie because I like Lindsey Lohan. I thought "Mean Girls" was fantastic. This movie...not so much. I turned it off before the ending because I was tired & getting ready to fall asleep. I returned the movie before even seeing the end. Not worth the additional 30 minutes of my life that I would have to spend to finish it. ...which brings me to my next movie...
(4) Envy... with Ben Stiler. Hated it. Every now & then there was a funny part that I would laugh at. For the most part--not so funny. Again, I didnt finish it. I fell asleep. I think Damon finished it though.

Okay...that's it for movie reviews.
Countdown to surgery: 7 days.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Please excuse my offensive language...but what the f*ck?

An enema? Are you f*cking kidding me?
About that...I dont DO enemas.
Give them--sure, no problem. I've given them before @ work. I work in a hospital.
Receive them? Now that's a problem. Give one to myself?? I dont know if I am physically capable of such.

I suppose I need to back up & enlighten the blog readers about the conversation that took place prior to my enema-related freak out.

So, I'm sitting at my desk @ work yesterday afternoon when Wendy from the Dr's office calls. She politely explains all the details about my surgery...risks...consent forms to sign...where to sign in....& she so sweetly slipped in, "Oh, and you're going to need to give yourself an enema". It was somewhere between "Make the check payable to..." & " down your throat to help you breathe..."

So naturally, we had to back up & discuss this whole "preparation process" for the surgery.

and just so you all know--I officially proved that enemas are negotiable. So, if any of you are going in for surgery & they tell you to give yourself an enema, you can refuse & go with a different plan.

I reiterate (and I have no idea if I'm spelling that correctly)... I DONT DO ENEMAS!

So...I'll be on a clear liquid diet for 24-48 hours prior to the surgery, thank you very much!!!! I'll give up food. That's fine. I'm not giving my colon a bath. I'd rather do without solid food that give myself an enema.

...and I have to say...I think I was highly effective in my whining & pleading against the enema. Who cares if I came off looking like the biggest titty baby in the whole wide world.

There are some things that I dont EVER want to do while I'm on this Earth. Getting an enema administered by me, or anyone else, is definitely on that list.

Friday, October 08, 2004

It's Friday! It's Friday!

Let me start by saying, my side hurts.

Let me also say, it's Friday.
Fridays in the ER suck.
What's the plan for the weekend...
Well, I am going to unpack some more boxes. I came home to a super clean house yesterday (which is in my "top ten feelings"). Now, all I need to work on is unpacking some more stuff. After that, we can work on some home-beautifying projects.

Also, I have to work on Saturday. I'm only working from noon to 4:30, so that's good. I have to make up time from the dr's appt. on Wednesday.
This way, I save my PTO for the holidays...or that's what I thought. Really, I'm now saving my PTO for the 4 days that I'll be out with this surgery...& then if there is any PTO left, then I'll get paid for the days off around the holidays.

Sunday--Josh & Tori's wedding. Yippy. (*Note to self: pick up Damon's suit at the cleaners!*)
(*Additional note to self: look in your closet & pick out something to wear to the wedding!*)

Today is my Mema's birthday. I need to call her. She is just so hard of hearing now, and every time I call her she seems to get frustrated talking on the maybe I'll give a quick call & then write a letter to her. I havent seen her since July, so I feel really bad about that. I see my other grandparents a lot compared to how much I see her...

What else??
We decided to go ahead & do the surgery. Scheduled for 10/19. I talked to someone who works over at Presby & knows my doctor. She says that he is the most conservative she's worked with. She says that he doesnt do surgery unless he really feels it is warranted, and that he doesnt remove any reproductive organs unless he absolutely has to. She says that others over there will remove an ovary, or various parts of the system if it looks like this, or looks like that. She says Dr.Brough doesnt do that, especially in women who dont have children yet.

He already knows how passionate I am about motherhood...and we're going to go over all the "worst case scenarios" to guide him on my wishes with regard to various situations that may come up. So, that's good. That way it wont put Damon in a position where he comes out & asks Damon, should I take this or that??? Damon would flip out.

****ohhhhh yuck! Just took a sip of cold coffee!****

What else??? Mom is coming on Tuesday & Wednesday to help take care of me. Damon will be off on Tuesday, but return to work on Wednesday.

What else??? Got a sweet email this morning from Jessica. So, Jessica if you are reading this---thank you! And send me more pictures of that sweet baby boy! I imagine he's grown sooooooo much.

Talked to Melissa yesterday morning. That was nice. I feel like I havent talked to her in months. She's so busy with her job & single life. I'm a 9 to 5 gal living the married life. We never seem to connect. So...I called her at 7:30 in the morning, woke her up, and told her to talk to me!

Random thought: if the English language is so complicated, why cant we go ahead and make some new words to make typing faster? For example: lets combin "woke" & "her" so that I can just type "woker". I woker up. That should be correct in my book. So, in the future if you read my blog & I have words that you dont recognize, it's because I'm making them up as I go by combining words that I think should be combined. :)

Okay...I really have to go now. Adios. Will try to write more Monday!!!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Isnt this week over yet?

Okay, so we had our dr's appointment yesterday, followed by a sonogram. Every time I go in there, I secretly hope they are going to say, "Oh, all these problems you've been having, no problem! You're really just pregnant." So far, that hasnt happened.

Cyst gone. That's good right? Well, Dr. is concerned about some "questionable" activity on the past two sonograms & the continued pain. Says he cant make any kind of diagnosis without laprascopic surgery to go in & take a look at what is going on. Says it could be a whole laundry list of various problems...too many to name. The ones he did name were Ovarian Cancer & Endometriosis. He says he can do a blood test called a CA-125, & it is designed to test for ovarian cancer. He says it is not very reliable because there are too many other diagnoses that can render a false positive--one of which is endometriosis. He says that from all the symptoms I've described, his gut feeling is endometriosis, but he cant be sure without the surgery.

So now--some people are saying to get a 2nd opinion before any type of invasive procedure. I dont know if I want to do that. I have a 10 year history with my doctor. If I went in to some other doctor, who did not agree with my doctor--I really dont think I'd trust the new guy. I'd think, "you dont know me. you dont know this body. he's seen me for 10 years!" So, I just think--what's the point of a 2nd opinion if I already know I'm not going to trust that doctor???
And, is it better to be safe than sorry? If the term "ovarian cancer" is tossed out there, and it has VERY few symptoms until it spreads--shouldnt I just go ahead & have this done so he can check them out?
Obviously something is going on because it freaking hurts. And, I pray that they go in there & just find out that something is twisted around backwards or something. I dont want endometriosis. I REALLY dont want cancer, but I think that's just one of those things he's trying to rule out.

Why is it that I f*cking knew this kind of sh*t would happen. I want a baby more than I want air in my lungs. I want to be a mom more than I want an worldly item. I just feel like I was born to be a mom. I have wanted this since I was a little girl. We thought we were pregnant, and we werent. Damon was disappointed along with me (which, kind of surprised me--seeing how he likes everything to be planned just so....). Now this sh*t. Damon doesnt understand when I feel like I'm ready. When I feel like I have a narrow window of opportunity to have children & that every day that we wait the window is slowly closing... I have to this that biological clock that OLDER women talk about??? Why on earth do I feel like this now??????

There is a girl that I work with who just found out that she's pregnant. She's not married. Was/is not prepared for motherhood. She was just too lazy to use birth control. Now she's pregnant. Then there's me. I want to be, and I'm not. I thought I was, but I wasnt. Let me rephrase that...I was hoping that I was pregnant & I wasnt.
This girl--oh...she's picked a winner to father her first (& she says only) child. He's quite a bit older than her. Has 8 children. That's right. 8. Can you even imagine how busy you must be to have 8 children? Now, of course they are not all by the same woman. And, of course he doesnt have custody of any of we could safely say that he has assisted in the creation of 8 human beings. I dont know enough to comment on his fathering skills.

I'm jealous of her being pregnant.
I'm having a hard time being patient. (so one could argue that I'm not very virtuous).
I'm going to have the surgery.
I've got to schedule the surgery. Scheduler says she cant find my chart (I'm on the phone with her right now.....your call is important to us...please continue to hold...) Chart is on Dr's desk....he's in the office with a couple....she'll call me back when she can get her hands on my chart.

Okay, so that is the status on that.

...just sitting here...
...she still hasnt called....
...Oh, found out that insurance will pay 80% of the surgery since I already met my deductible. Whoo-hoo. I wonder how much 20% of this is going to be. I wonder if you get to wear your wedding ring into surgery. I know that they say 'no jewelry', but isnt a wedding ring kind of an exception. I dont care--they can scrub it in with iodine, but I kind of want to wear it...

Random thought...yesterday, Damon went in with me for the sonogram. I thought he was going to pass out. He was as pale as a ghost. He hates hospitals. I work in one, so it's no biggie to me. I remember when we were first dating, and he wanted to have dinner with me, but I had to work. I told him that he could pick something up and come to the hospital. He agreed. What a trooper. I had no idea at that point that I was asking him to do the near impossible. So, he went to Boston Market & got me some veggies (yum, yum!) and came to the ER & we ate in my office. was more like he watched me eat. He was pale, lost his appetite. I knew something was wrong. That's when he apologized, excused himself, and called me from the parking lot to tell me how much he hates hospitals!

Anyway...I need to get a little work done now.